June 3rd, 2017

 2Jun2017: dreamt that i was playing a show with a bunch of old “friends” and I was looking for a table to borrow to set up on, and one of the people in this dream is one of the “friends” I feel particularly let down by in the waking realms, and in the dream I beat him into a pulp, just nonstop pummeling my fists into his face until it was a bleeding, black and blue mess. It felt really good. I woke up feeling elated. I’ll take whatever comfortable feelings I can get. 


Concrete Mascara Lunar Hunger Bacteria Field 043, tape, 2017

—- utter scumathon, creepfest, sleazetopia, the humans on earth can be pure garbage, who is to condemn it? A false god, hypocrites, idiots? These conditions are all around. Young mothers abusing cocaine want what many of us want, to feel loved. There just doesn’t seem to be enough love to go around, or a lot of hopeful places to look for it that really just make the need inside feel more empty. Too many unanswered questions for such a meaningless life on an insignificant planet.
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Lea Bertucci All That Is Solid Melts Into Air NNA Tapes NNA097, tape, 2017

—- RS Puppis is one of the brightest known Cepheid variable stars in the Milky Way. A Cepheid variable is a type of star that pulsates radially, varying in both diameter and temperature and producing changes in brightness with a well-defined stable period and amplitude.A strong direct relationship between a Cepheid variable’s luminosity and pulsation period established Cepheids as important indicators of cosmic benchmarks for scaling galactic and extragalactic distances. This robust characteristic of classical Cepheids was discovered in 1908 by Henrietta Swan Leavitt after studying thousands of variable stars in the Magellanic Clouds. This discovery allows one to know the true luminosity of a Cepheid by simply observing its pulsation period. This in turn allows one to determine the distance to the star, by comparing its known luminosity to its observed brightness. The term Cepheid originates from Delta Cephei in the constellation Cepheus, identified by John Goodricke in 1784, the first of its type to be so identified. Cosmos breached and waters formed, a shadow disappears and the empty spaces are illuminated and our appreciation for the mysteries of these terrors is restored.
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Larry Austin Octo Mixes Electronic Music Foundation EMF CD 039, 2001
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Stray Dog Volume 2 Oxen Records OXEN 019, tape, 2016 feat. Dromez, Kakerlak, Scum, Sissy Spacek, Facialmess, Leah P, Circuit Wound, Scalp Elevator, Tralphaz, Blackphone666, Jay Randall, Brown Piss, Black Sand Desert, Mass Marriage

—- Alien mothers, extradimensional brothers, metaphysical kin, undocumented parent, no birth or death certificates, never happened, artificial placenta housing cloned anteaters, scientific progress or not-so-subtle metaphor for human insanity, negativity, positivity, somebody positivity, someone help, scale the alps, under, over, or just whelmed, prison would be better if its goal was rehabilitation and understanding and not a shit stirring b-movie horror fuck, stomp it out, force it into the dirt, fill every crack with its fluids, fluid shots for everytwo, untitled, unlabeled, unprocessed, unfiltered, unacceptable indecent antieverything, misomnia, mutable ideals and values and ultramorals denied, the only good things that happen tend to happen between 3am and yesterday, ruminating at night, driving yourself insane, take stock, leather weather, immortal teenage years forgotten, many entrances, many exits, no way to find either, hire a photographer for your funeral, don’t want to forget how good the mortician made you look in your open casket relationship.
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Bastard Noise & Sickness Death’s Door Relapse Records RR7345, 12″, 2016

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No Dreams Human Synthesis Nostilevo 94, tape, 2017

—-Disappearing into myself. I am the storm, the downpour, the melancholy, and I am somber insanity. The realization of which came as no shock, really, not after all the events leading up to this terrifying now, eating away at me, bite by everlasting bite. Hyper-numb, extra-indifferent, all morbid curiosities entertained, each hole filled and overflowing. Obscurity void. Ambiguity vortex, uneventful horizon, blissful disintegration. Marks on the surface. (In)visible wounds lash out. Septal perforation. Who am i? No such thing as a useful question. Bleed from me you disgusting travesty of mourning and malice. I’ll consume your soul, and watch your body act out without it.
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Shredded Nerve / Pleasure Island / Scant Hibernation Reverses The Outcome of Genetic Competition Thousands of Dead Gods GODS07, 3xCS, 2017

—-A shattered, fractured, image of the absence of peace, broken line doesn’t form multiple lines, like a severed worm forms multiple worms. Irreparable lines, flimsy heads with no skulls, no skeletal frame, no support system, trudge the lonely path, forge no name. Weather in relation to the body, a wound can only be seen a certain of ght. Sexualized nature like the scarab and the sun, like Sisyphus and the stone, he was building an altar, to himself, Easter Snow, a man dressed in military fatigues and openend fire on a green police tarp, sketched out rough approximations, hardly discernable, Incipient Belief, often things never reveal themselves, beginning to guess but rules, and realities, whatever those are, change, and often many of us are viewing separate realities altogether, separate nightmares intertwined, the snake doesn’t just eat its tail, it wouldn’t do this at all if it didn’t provide sexual gratification, or, if it didn’t perceive that the act gratified in this way, but there are more than just one snake, and only one is eating its tail, another is eating a rat, another is being eaten by a rat, one just disappears into thin physical nothing, none of the snakes are snakes at all, except you.
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Cremation Lily Journal Monorail Trespassing mt108cs, 2016

—- Something about the way the clouds had formed, beneath the moon that night, we felt what was to come, and today, we feel what is to come tomorrow, it will never be the same after this. False monikers and pseudonymphs. These lullabies are easing my fears, and I’ll hold on to that as long as I can. In these caverns a light shines dimly, until you get very near the source, the illumination will swallow you whole, whatever it is you are that is, don’t forget to breathe, it’s not that important really it’s just my advice, whatever I am that’s giving it that is, take it, the truth, whatever this is that is, is that you will never leave it.
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Seth Graham No.00 In Clean Life Orange Milk Records, tape, 2015

—- alarming yet playful, abstract spaces, fate in the key of raspberries, blueberries, indigoberries, Matt Berry’s berries, destiny in 220 beats per minutæ, dysprosium, 66, rare metal, touch you die, not right away but we all die, we are all dead, try to enjoy it, classical music doesn’t cut it so cut it up and arrange it in formations that cut it, ease the malaise, terminal illness as motivation to do nice things for others, to ease others’ malaise, Ikiru.
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Crank Sturgeon, another tape I got with the Caviar Shaker Box, maybe it’s called Earlyful

—- treacherous breaches of physical limitations, plunged into outré realms, who to call for assistrance? Surrgrounded aperturrets blasting, so, so, you know? um, so, well, wether, attempting to break the glitch of failure, looping eternally, afraid air raid arid rays raised, a far way up to reach below, alienne transobjectives, subject lividity
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Straight Panic Satanic Versus or, a treatise on the defense and protection of all queer bodies in the face of theocracy under capitalism. Phage Tapes PT:238, CD, 2017

—-We stand before the masses, part and parcel, vox populi cries “Blood!” “Justice!” “Death!” from here on we shall deliver. I spit in the face of god. Take your torture camps and lock yourselves in them. Have you tried to stop being the victim? I will stand ready before I kneel to dead gods. I refuse to die on my knees. I ask for neither life nor retribution: I rebuke both. Behind our faces is mother Kali Durga, dead goddess bringing death, look into our eyes, and see your end.
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Alejandro Jodorowsky’s Poesía Sin Fin film, 2016

—- THANK YOU KELLY FOR SENDING THIS TO ME!! another chapter in the ongoing insurmountable list of things to check out in the Loathsome Semen Club closed.
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Hubble Hubble Linger NNA Tapes NNA 024, tape, 2011

—- visits spas in dreams, of pleasantly shifting from scene to serene, marina life slowly floating about, a manatee begins singing, a manatee’s song is outside the range of hearing for sea lions, i made that up, it can be fun to imagine things that aren’t real, but the catch is that everything is very real. Including the calm you find yourself in during moments of lazy mornings sipping coffee, taking long baths, driving across countryside to reach a loved one’s house, holding them in your arms.
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Aube Recycled RRRecords, tape, 1994

—- RRRecords foreveRRR
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May25: I dreamt that I was being tortured by these extremely malicious beings, they were anthropomorphic, they were digging glass shards into my wrists, into my chest, stomach, legs, testicles and I could feel it all and it was fucking horrifying. I begged them to stop. They would twist the glass shards anytime i said anything and make it worse. I was in some lair where others were receiving the same treatment. Screams and wails and non stop torture. I wish I didn’t remember this dream.

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Creeping Wish You Cared Like I Do Bacteria Field 047, tape, 2017

—-the ants go marching one by none hoorah who cares? the pissants go lurking two by doom, three by vasectomy, four by moor, five by I wish I wasn’t alive. Time passes, impasse, no empath, an hour-glass scythe reaping what it has sewn, double brained organisms, triple crossed neck slashers, nightmares, the elimination of desire, becoming an asexual, becoming unwanting of anything, odd hallucinatory shadows, that seem to be following behind, when you sleep on the streets you can’t wait for that early sunrise, first myth, last deception, from abulia to akinetic mutism, mermaids on land doing a dance in the rain.
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Oren Ambarchi Hubris Editions Mego 227, CD, 2016

—- keeping it under control, colorful swirls of incanascent beingress, belief and action in synchronicity with onenecessity, awakin, blissicles and stalagmights, crystalways connecteden, harnessing the ambarchi, hypernovacation.
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Sunn O))) ØØ Void Southern Lord Sunn150, CD, originally released in 2000

—- ((((((((0))))))))
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Flagellatio Orgasmus Criminal Russia Filth & Violence 154 UK division-3, CD, 2016

—-Brute, blunt force, pure misanthropy, misomnia, visceral loathing for everything, traumatic brain injuries, paranoia, schizophrenia, bovine populace, more than subtle dementia, mindless inconsiderate monstrosity, toxic metals sent to foreign countries for reduced labor costs that still inject carcinogens into the air that will not go away any time soon, the medical industry profits off of your cancer
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Mostly Other People Do The Killing Shamokin!!! Hot Cup 063, CD, 2007

—- ❤ ❤ ❤

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John Zorn Filmworks III 1990-1995 Tzadik TZ 7309, CD, 1997

—- ❤ ❤ ❤
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Howard Stelzer Always Already Banned Productions bp194, tape, 2012

—- gutter dreams, forgotten landscrapes, a shifting mass of broken glass, escaping gases and rotten thoughts, please wake me when you decide to put your legs up, a falling circle of light, in a prism, in a prison, the prison of dog, k1-7, ok, please appease and show me your repoach, ensafened animals need your trouble, on the drubble.
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No Workers Paradise Boxset on Chthonic Streams MYRK 050, 8xC-60, 2017 feat Compactor, The Vomit Arsonist, Redrot, Gnawed, Existence In Decline, Filth, Blsphm, Work/Death, in a small tool kit, limited to 75 copies

—- Time to clock in, (what is time?), give your productivity for slave wages no longer! Assemble the communism instead of this grotesque capitalism! Manage overtime for a life more worth living! Overtime spent hanging with loved ones instead of wanting to hang from one’s neck. Rise and crime. A descent to the lowest pits of this realm, the roughest working conditions, all to survive to repeat the process unto death. Ascension into collapse, prolapse or relapse, what happens happens. Stagnant control. Deprogrammed assignments. Hyperterminate the mainframes. Incarceration is contemporary slavery. Rolling bodies into large refrigerators for autopsies that reveal a slow death caused by serving the dreams of CEOs in a grueling manner for years on end, never earning enough for a pension or a retirement, just worked to death, literally, billions of us, worked to our deaths. Plummeted. Engine is rotting, breaking down. Saw it off, start again, end it and start again. Harrowing processes. Refine the dooms of every day. Organize the racks of needlessness. There is no recovery, not restart button. Exploiting other people’s labor and somehow sleeping okay at night. Complex. It takes and gives back. It varies by degrees. °. The blast furnace keeps pumping. Fitted and tailored specifically. When will the golden age of revolution begin!! It needs to happen 15 decades ago. 15 centuries ago. 15 billion years ago. Psychological instability brought on by asinine conditions. We are all responsible. THOSE WHO WORK CANNOT DREAM. Destiny as torture. Crushed into dirt. KARŌSHI. Melting point. Broken bones. GWAROSA. GUOLAOSI. White bitch before piano carcass. A pile of obtuse vectors. What can we do? Profit of the idiotic autonomy of sheepminded imbeciles. Time and space are mere illusions. A multiverse that never existed.
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Sun Kil Moon Tiny Cities Caldo Verde CV001, CD, 2005

—- Mark Kozelek continues to surprise me, many thanks again to Kelly for initially introducing me to SKM. I find it very beautiful to discover this collection of wonderfully executed Modest Mouse covers, as I have had a special place in my heart for MM for more than half of my life.
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Marissa Nadler Little Hells Kemado Records KEM 085, CD, 2009

—- ❤ ❤ ❤
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Alice Coltrane Turiyasangitananda The Ecstacic Music Of Luaka Bop LBOP-087, tape, 2017

Is it just being in touch with the higher power that lets these master musicians express themselves so profoundly?’ I don’t know but whatever it is I know I love it and it will always be a part of me. “Yes, I do get very deeply engaged spiritually in the music. Because it’s a spiritual language for me, it’s not a musical language. Music is a spiritual language for me, today. Throughout the years you go through academia with chords, and how to voice that and things like that. Today music is a spiritual language and I’m expressing, articulating deep feeling and deep experience in life, in spiritual life, in God.” — Alice Coltrane Turiyasangitananda, WBAI Interview, 1988. When Alice Coltrane created these songs, she had been weaving together life, music, and a personal sense of connection and devotion for over thirty years: in studios, in a mandir, in her own home. “I’ve woken up in that house we grew up in, hearing this beautiful harp music playing at dawn, when your eyes are still closed and ears open first,” says Michelle. “This beautiful, tranquil, heavenly music.” Ravi recalls a similar afternoon routine he’d often witness. I’d come home from school and she’d just be sitting at the organ playing hymns and things. It wasn’t like she was practicing or getting ready for a performance or a gig…it was like, you go home and your dad’s reading the paper, your mom’s reading a book or watching the television. That’s what that music was for her. It was this sustenance that was a part of her existence, her daily existence. The same spirit that sustained Alice through her career permeates this music she left us—a spirit that resonates as strongly now, ten years after her passing in 2007, as when she first recorded them. Welcome to the world of Alice Coltrane Turiyasangitananda. Om shanti. –  Ashley Kahn, January 2017 Music historian and author
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Hell Garbage Pas Moi split tape, 2017, numbered 17/20

—-festering and mutilated, chewing on glass and yard stickers, sticking thumbtacks in between underneath toe-nails, no waste management in the afterlife, piling up, the shells in landfills will eventually decompose and all the sludge and contamination from years of improper disposal of toxins will seep into the land and get into the water, and one can only imagine the creatures that will survive and evolve beyond those environmental conditions, it won’t be humans and it won’t be animals, as we recognize them, Earth might just become another Mars, i wish it would happen yesterday.
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The Body All The Waters Of Earth Turn To Blood At A Loss Recordings aa1033-cd, 2010

—- ❤ ❤ ❤
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Growing Vision Swim Troubleman Unlimited TMU 188-2, CD, 2007

—- This limbo of fresh unheard of vegetations and formations of transphysical splendor, accumulatelepathy receiver, an overwhelming sensuoroboros, on and on, on anonymity, roll out of slumber with contentment, an early drive to a loved one’s place, particles of light projecting æstrally signifying the times of illusion folding in on themselves. Behold this beauty and remind yourself that beauty does indeed exist, as rare as it is in this dark existence, insofar as everything exists and doesn’t exist, is real and unreal, at times the best of dreams and others the worst of nightmares, there is no balance, find what you can and hold on to it while you can
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Sightings Absolutes Load Records LOAD 048, CD, 2003

—-No flats, no sharp objects causing flats, no flat sharpening tools, finitude, infinitude, the first Chinese American movie star, the first Asian American movie star to gain international recognition, Knights, Queens & Klingons, pawns, lowercase pawns, heirarchy of ignorance, of exploitation, foreign currencies, currency exchange irates, be on the right side of herstory, Edward putting his bestlin foot forward, reduced to cumming, reduped again and again, precious liars and beautiful cheats, use these sounds to let some of that madness escape from your brain

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Ultralyd Conditions For A Piece Of Music Rune Grammofon RCD 2065, 2007

—-idiosyncrasies of moods, perplexed, perturbed, ecstatic, manic, inquisinful, equiliberated, monotomb, ambirth, cadencelestial, why i wroughta, relaxis, existennant, contemplaintiff, concertiary, these hazy days seem to have no end, as if they seemed to begin; don’t get in too much of a worry, you know I hurry about you.

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BT.HN. Her Serpent PACrec137, Troniks TRO-287, CD, 2008

—-Maggie’s Rim, Garter Choke, lingerie fetish, rimjobs, rum slobs, fatal choke, nothing we could’ve done to save them, guilt’s peak, horrifying accidents, fucked realities, terror fetish, what the global proliferators of military industrialism spread is far more terrifying than any of the extremist groups mainstream media perpetuates your fear over, both feet in the fire, index finger on the trigger, killing yourself slowly or killing yourself fast, it’s all the same, it’s never the same, it’s entropic, and constantly in flux, or is that the illusion? we’ve never had answers or clues, and the chances continually get more dim.

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Pain Jerk Trashware RRRecords PURE26, 1995

—-Vivid disector, vivisectioneer, trash sectorrent, kinky sects, vivacious demonstration, viva la waresector, sectional pain, vivid jerk, jerk on, jerk vividcon, single shot probability of kill, domination submission, standard policy, protect king, cowabunga dude, coward bundle tude, company wabble, under garrisons, creatures overtly waive a basket underneath gray atmosphere, banana snakes, bananas in pajamasnakes, banana peel in the grass, if it was a snake it would’ve tripped ya, Jane’s perks as human nothing on earth.

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Black Leather Jesus & Smegma LP Axis Mundi Records, 2017

—-the maniac that takes too much, accidentally takes too much four or nine thousand times over, enters pure delirium psychosis, ultrapsychosis, metaderangement, all upper management has quit and killed themselves, no recognizable realm is left intact, expediently entropizing and dissipating into the lowest realms of madness, hyper disasterpiece terroritories

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The Rita Bodies Bear Traces of Carnal Violence PACrec 109, Troniks TRO-150, CD, 2004
—-The body fails entirely, and in moments, the brain will follow. Reconnect with the off period. You’ll be redirected shortly. Can’t outrun it, inescapable. Game for some, actuality for all. Final separation, of each temporal body, before reintegration into another, you can tell yourself many things, you’ll see. It remembers after a while. Distractions. Unpreparable. The awareness of realities exponentially worse than “this one” is far from consoling.

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Burning Witch Crippled Lucifer

—-Maybe I was born to die. My soul is black. Black hole in my life. Contemplate suicide. Do i have strength to go on? Cause these wounds won’t heal with time. My mind grows old but never dies. No return. No remorse. No second try. How long til you waste away? How long til I waste away? Torrential downpour. Look around and tell me what is real. Rift canyon dreams rain down forever.

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Miles Davis Live Evil 1971

—- ❤ ❤ ❤

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Kevin Drumm & Lasse Marhaug Frozen by Blizzard Winds Smalltown Supersound STS 059, CD, 2002

—-the pain one feels as the frost takes over, and hope becomes lost. Temperatures so low that it’s advised not to wear too many pairs of socks, or else your feet will sweat and freeze faster. Treacherous tundra. Consuming cold. Accumulation too great and rapid, firing off flares, no one comes. Dead there. Decomposition is very slow in such low temperatures. A lost artifact of remains. All those that will grieve your loss. Some of them may develop colder attitudes. EL MUNDO FRIO

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Luc Ferrari Cellule 75 Tzadik TZ 7033, CD, 1998

—- ❤ ❤ ❤

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Philip K. Dick’s Transmigration of Timothy Archer novel, 1982

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