February 23rd, 2017

I’ve been using my instagram account: mainstreammediamail :to keep a log of things that I’ll want to write about here, and I think when I decided to do the whole 3rd-13th-23rd thing I wasn’t thinking about how much art I take in during the time between those three updates. I’ve had the same realization the last few times I made updates. I really need to invest in a notebook, and start writing notes right after I take something in. And yet, I also sort of enjoy having to recall how I felt about something, and it kind of tells me how much of an impact something has had on me if I am able to recall it better than other things. I’m rambling. I’m also somewhat self aware that I am not good at keeping a notebook and taking notes. I also start to wonder why I am even keeping a blog, and if I have even shared that in this blog. Perhaps the reason why will evolve. More or less, I am an individual that has gone through some pretty fucked up things, and not to compare belly aches with other people, but in my mind, there are quite a lot of people who’ve been in similar shoes as me that have put themselves under the dirt. I’ve came very close on several occasions to joining them. Like many, I have my ups and downs, like many, I’ve been in war, like many, I’ve been sexually abused, like many, I’m medicated, like many, I’ve been addicted to a multitude of drugs before, like many, I’ve lost people very close to me, like many in this fucked up world, I am still trying to make the best of it, despite all these major setbacks, failed relationships, homelessness, in-patient treatment, therapy, psychedelic experiences, really, when I look back on everything I’ve experiences in my meager 29 years of growing and now slowly decaying in this flesh prison….it’s pretty fucking hard to sum it up into a cohesive paragraph, with a point.

Why am I writing this blog? Why anything? Why not? then I think of Harvey Milk’s ‘Courtesy And Good Will Toward Men’ and remember: “Don’t ask why”

I suppose that it is my aim to share the things that help me get by, day to day, that I’ll possibly help others do the same. I’m not trying to write thorough reviews here. I’m trying to do some ‘pay-it-forward’ business, share what helps me, and what helps me might not help you, maybe it can help someone you know.  The things that enrich my life may not be the things that enrich yours, but chances are, if you found this blog through connecting with me, or through the artists I tag in this blog, there is a chance that some of this could help enrich your life. I am learning that the more brutally honest I am, the better connections I am finding in my life with others. It still doesn’t make talking about things any easier, and I seem to be in this tugging and pulling with myself; open up//don’t open up, and yet the only thing that has enriched my life in even just the last month has been to open up, I suppose it’s important knowing where to open up. Look at my blood and guts, look at my rotting insides, have a laugh why don’t you?

Also, this blog itself is one of my giant works in progress. I’ll only be adding albums once, but obviously I go back and listen to things occasionally and at those times i’ll go to whatever post included it and add notes and my feelings about things at those times, and include dates when I do. Over time I aim to have written my thoughts and feelings for everything in my collection, which is also why the majority of the content here will be things I actually own. I try my best to support artists that are currently active. I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but you should too.

Let us get on with it, shall we?

Aunt’s Analog & Dromez “Hello Douche” Instincto Records-038, 3″ CDr, 2008,

—-Two very awesome Texan noise artists, although, I think Dromez moved to Dayton, OH, and maybe moved back? Hard to keep up with any of these things without a personal friendship with these artists, or without a facebook account. Either way, this is an older release. I found it in the hidden selection at the Arlington TX, CD Warehouse. It’s super duper good harsh noise. Only a little over 9 minutes long. Really, everything I’ve ever heard either of these artists do has totally blown me away, both on recording and the times I was lucky enough to see them perform.

Glasgowsmile “No It’s Not” Sinister Upheaval Records, Burial Recordings, 3″ CDr, 2012

—-This is something else I found in the aforementioned hidden selection closet. This is another name in the harsh realm that I’ve come to realize makes very amazing harsh noise. Everything I’ve heard has been amazing anyways. I had the opportunity to meet Zach Guttowsky, the mind behind Glasgowsmile, at one of the last shows to ever happen at the Paso Hondo Noise Compound, a house venue that Jesse Kling held numerous harsh events at. He’s also a member of Black Leather Jesus, legendary large harsh ensemble from Texas. He was performing in that show in his duo Protists of Nebula, very very intense performance, one of the most intense I’ve ever seen, and very intimidating. They had ski-masks on, and had a doll tied to a chair, and were swinging bats and chains into the ground, getting in people’s faces, just having a grand ol’ time. That whole show was actually one of the more memorable shows I’ve ever played. I don’t want to detract too much from reviewing this album though, just kind of wanted to illustrate that as far as I know, anything Zach Guttowsky has done sonically is well worth checking out, quality harsh. He’s also a super nice person and it was a memorable pleasure to have met him.

William Hooker “Armageddon” Homestead Records, CD, 1995

—-I picked this one up because I have learned, through my guidance from Junior Wayne, that William Hooker is an awesome drummer, and plays in an almost ritualistic and primal way kind of away from the realm of precision and more in the realm of supernovae, a hard to identify style somewhat within and outside of the realms of jazz, as vast a genre as that is. In these recordings he placed his drumming at the front of the sounds one hears, for emphasis, and is backed by a team of other amazing improvisors: DJ Olive, Kickwad, Blaise Siwula, Lewis Barnes, Richard Keene, Doug Walker, Manley Hall, David First, Jesse Henry, and Letha Rodman. Each track is quite awesome. I don’t think I could get tired of listening to Hooker slam away on a drum kit. I couldn’t find this particular album online, so I shared a video of him playing with others instead.

Sudden Infant / Bill Kouligas Split CD, absurd #64, 2007

—-This is something I picked up because Sudden Infant is on it, again from the aforementioned hidden closet. I haven’t previously heard anything by Bill Kouligas but I plan on changing that now that I have. I think there’s good reason why people in the know praise Sudden Infant so. He’s incredible. The Bill Kouligas tracks on this cd are incredible also. Very awesome harsh and weird CD.  I couldn’t find this one online, but they do have copies for very cheap on discogs, at least at the time of writing this.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr. “Cat’s Cradle” 1963

—-KVJr has been one of my favorite writers for around a decade now, and other people’s faves for decades. He’s fucking brilliant. It’s hard sometimes not to wonder really if there’s a such thing as coincidence, or of things come into our lives when they need to, and wether that’s even important to try and find out. All I know is that it seems like I really needed to read this recently.

Dr. Gabor Maté “The Myth of Normal” 2016

—-Thank you Kelly for telling me to watch this! I will have to check out more of Maté’s work when I get a proper wifi signal and don’t have to drain my data.

Hypernormalisation BBC Documentary

—-Again thank you Kelly! Haha, the seldom times I can remember who exactly recommended what, I try to give proper credit to. This documentary gave me a ton to think about, it also exposed many things I was previously unaware of, and seems to be made well, and covers a lot of ground for just referencing the last 40 years. I enjoy the thought provocation that it provides.

“Untitled” 3xCD Compilation on Epicene Sound Systems ESS010, Epicene Sound Replica ESR050, UndeRadar UR10, and Public Guilt PG007, 2007

—-I, too, found this in the aforementioned hidden closet. I only had to see a few of these names before convincing myself it was worth the surprisingly low cost I found it for, $8 I think. There are copies on discogs for very cheap too. Well worth it if you ask me. Black Meat. Door. Noveller. Jason Zeh, Teeth Collection. Earwicker. tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE. Gerritt. Thurston Moore. Wzt Hearts. Skullcaster. Steve Bradley. Wether. Mermaids. Strotter Inst. Mike Shiflet. Leslie Keffer. Magicicada. Burning Star Core. Oblong Box. Aughra. Travis Ryan. Donna Parker. Robert Inhuman. Yellow Tears. 1thousand holy shards. Back From Iraq. Sick Ill Cell. Dead Machines. Herpes Ö DeLuxe. The Cherry Point. scutopus. Ben S. Jacob. Blango. Decimation Blvd. Ultral/Vires*. Subterrane. Destructo Swarmbots. Darsombra. Panicsville. OP Rechts. Bet Hell. John Wiese. Josh Lay. Cotton Museum. Big China & Little Trouble. Forbes Graham. Small life. lovae. The Heirs of Rockefeller. Perfect Teeth. Hum of the Druid. Sword Heaven. Tonight Golden Curls. Guilty Connector.  I can’t find this comp online to share it with you, but I assure you that it’s awesome.

Ernest Hemingway “The Old Man and the Sea” 1951

—-This is a fairly short story, I read it in about two hours. I enjoyed it quite a bit, even though I don’t enjoy fishing, but the way Hemingway describes the bad luck of the old man, and his relationship to this little boy, and the struggle of trying to get one big fish back to shore, kept me quite interested and engaged.

Gerritt Wittmer “Unknowns” No Rent Records NRR21, Tape, 2016

—-At this point I am trying to be a completist with No Rent Records because I have been falling in love with everything they release, as well as finding out about composers and artists and tons of other work they do, and that all is very positive for me. This tape is harsh but very dynamic, quiet parts, loud parts, droning parts, surprising changes and cuts, really great stuff.

Bob Bellerue “Piano Gaucho” No Rent Records NRR39, Tape, 2016

—-I was surprised this wasn’t sold out by the time I got funds to be able to order it. I know that Bob Bellerue has been hosting Ende Tymes each year and the 7th one is in a couple months, figured that would have been enough to make this tape sell out in an hour or two and that I was gonna miss out, but I am really glad it was still available. This tape is gorgeous, amplified and processed grand piano drones that shift around in an ambient fashion, really great meditational pieces.

The Locust “New Erections” Anti 86748-2, CD, 2007

—-I’ve been into this band for quite a while. I had the opportunity to see them perform when I was really young, something like 13 or 14. They are still one of the more memorable acts I’ve ever seen live. For a long time I’ve been taking in a ton of different metal albums without paying a lot of attention to the lyrical content, for shame in this instance: because the lyrics to this album are some of the best of any I’ve paid attention to. “Idealogical leper, Newly planted tower: grows from the ground and spills its guts out on the sidewalk, Pseudo-politico, Flat talk O’clock: Rolls past the site of a flesh insurrection, Sidestepping creep, Hostile Slumlord: Grabs his cash and hits the road, His face is charred and scabbed like the map of some desolate wasteland.  A speck of neglect bombed out and leveled to be cleansed again. We’ll bury this city in trash.  Damage Deceiver builds up his believers and takes charge. Stains Half the sewer with chaos and clover and charred tongues. Is this the dumpster of your dreams? And who will be your next trash crusader? Ancestor incest, the organs are rotting on weak slabs.  Re-animating the corpses of buildings with old stones. Belching into the atmosphere, new erections still the same as those filthy fucking old ones. Now it’s known that there’s no heaven on this shore, on this or any other damn shore for that matter. Shit-sucking kings and ass licking peasants with their foreign tongues licking someone’s foreign affair: only because signs show that we must fly from here. Shave that matted faux fur suit. Hey incarceration generation! Now listen to what the preacher has to say about life, but don’t listen to what the man of faith has to say about petty details like death and despair. Haven’t you heard yet? No one listens to anyone anyhow, take that aimless aim and let it rip. Open fire when you hit the shore, relax, it’s only the smell of some sea men. Fire! Hand me down hamburger. Will all John Hinckley’s please report to the corporate barbecue. Let’s pile this trash much higher so that we might just reach the heavens. Leaving cock-suckers (no offense to the cocksuckers) behind with stock imagination, reinventing commons then living without dead time. Opinions are like assholes, everyone seems to have one. So here you go: Death to fuzz. Dead. Uncle sham and his sick uncle dickin’, all fuzzy tailed and fucking like bunnies. Making you feel just like a warmed up corpse. A total hit hitting on everything. Got to pump and dump. Brains are on ice and still one too many bellies touching their backs while some have their back teeth buried under the ground. They shall eat they dinner out of a polystyrene / polypropylene dish, it shall be pre-prepared, cooked in a microwave sped up by a megatron at a 2450 megahertz frequency and thy food will be calories, bht, bha, sulfites and yellow no. 5, now it’s time to throw craps. So pay up mister hoof-and-mouth-disease, the cake is getting thin, add the coffin meat of those who don’t have the sense to pour the piss out of a boot to save their lives. Feel free, fornicate, it’s not the earth’s first contra coup, or the first astral projection experience with mesomorphs. One can’t resist these surges. One can’t resist these carbon copied species, like us. Power failure pandemonium, proudly perverts plutonium. And whoever handles these loose electrons could you please modify your geiger counters to reveal planets morphing. Blanket retribution completely blocked out by a nimbus indicates it’s time to stray from the nucleus. ‘There is just something about cloud-cuckoo land’ minimally conscious, hairy quadruped. Scientists, save us. Scientists, S.O.S. Questionless outweigh the collective’s sensible side. Poverty on pangea can polarize plenty more till there are only two classes left: Dick and serf. That’s not all, next step is entire countries without running water or food right next to vast fields of golden toilets with guards protecting bad ideas. Sacrifice of the selfless without selfish consent. This hegemony is hard at work. Get back in line, you’ll fit in fine, rank and file, reconcile. Questionless people do you think you can think any less? The highways (the slipstreams of half-sacks) are jammed up from pillar to post. Night changes things: everything is foul and the filthy reign. The settlers are kicking off their shoes. Flex those comets, bury that asshole, ‘cos noxious obnoxious is guilty as hell. Take those smokestacks to your lawyers and smoke out the lot of them. Drown them all out. It’s easy to replace in the name of progress. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Obsolete fuel, so lobbyists pull an alternative mule. Insubordinate antique engine, spark superfluous discharges. Gaia is wounded, corny and spoon-fed. Groupthink banter resonates everywhere. Taxidermy, guilt ridden professors, sneezing out all the answers. Do you want it sugarcoated? Drunk cars in Brazil didn’t have to foot the bill. The complaintiff states, “not enough mistakes” but it’s OK, the EPA is a stepping stone before the end of Rome. It’s easy to replace in the name of progress. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Dying can’t be that easy. Getting born again can be somewhat hard. A snake eating its own tail riding the new wave of new, don’t wait for god to judge you because we can do that. The words you sing are wrong since all the masters are taught exactly what masters are. To know, the chorus sings: “I’m unimpressed” The one who is only god cannot be top dog, employer, employ some stale dead dog fuck all fuck bag. Hey! Heave! Ho! Well in case you did miss the memo…rest in peace neoclassical absurdity, let’s polish turds then eat them. Yum, yum. He’s a wretch and like all the rest he thinks there’s time to make trouble and time to make a mess. He says, “Punch in automate, stomp on, stamp out” Mechanized and traumatized he’s tapping things obsessively. Find his boss’ office and tears it apart. Torches the evidence. Quits his job. Voltage highways, currents moving constantly, blissed out and circuit bent, he’s summoned by his majesty. Anxious electric taps into the registry, a challenge to the monolith the obelisk is posturing. Sleeping monsters rise. (Manichaean disguise). Ransacks junk town. Glass-eyed ogre builds himself an armory, lives like a hammer (a vulgar diplomacy). A new king of prophet, a new kind of tyranny, a new kind of trauma, a new aristocracy. Finds flaws in the eyes of his enemies, wages war and flies his flag. Prelude to the coming of a new machine metropolis. Slum service (served on the sly). The sign says: he’s sketchy (singing all of his sighs). It seems my pig comrade has tripped around town. A chattering tone was stacking stones, building a conversation, the alley said: fine, I’ll take the time. Stone after stone he bellowed. Cover was blown. His mind dropped and then he stutter stepped. The ally got restless and walked (needs a new place) and while the titans move he’ll slither (underneath the slip-ups). Fresh prize at his side, he was itching to hide from the same old flies. Sluggish synapsis mocking cro-magnon’s first impressions, also gently leaning towards the nearest black hole. And even time reversal symmetry is baffled by the smirkless face of history. Analytical avenger can’t be held back any longer by these self adhesive shackles arranged in sequential order up the spine of the self appointed full time re-arrangers of yester-eon. Overwhelmed by the repeating pattern, yellow rain pisses in the well again, while closing in on rationed out reposession. The fact remains, this is the wrong time line.”

Himukalt “Vulgar” No Rent Records, NRR41, Tape, 2017

—-I wasn’t fortunate enough to snag one of the first 9 copies of this to come out, special edition versions. But still, the sounds are worth having. This is a very unsettling series of industrial, power electronics, harsh-esque recordings with the occasional spoken addition to the uneasiness of it all. Very amazing. This is my first exposure to the work of Himukalt and definitely won’t be my last.

Into The Moat “The Design” Metal Blade Records 3984-14528-2, CD, 2005

—-I revisited this for nostalgic purposes. A classic banger in the field of metal-core imo. I did the same thing as before, listened to it for years without following along to the lyrics. I’m not really all that impressed with the lyrical content of this one, but still find the technicality of the playing and song structures interesting enough to nod my head back and forth to it.

Crank Sturgeon “St. Doggery” Placenta Recordings PR122, CD, 2011

—-This CD is super duper good. Has some very harsh sections of electro-acoustic contact mic abuse, from the sound of things and knowing that Crank Sturgeon sells contact mic’s he makes online, but it also has these very interesting spoken word sections, that may even be impromptu, and if so, what a mind CS has to think up the things he does on the spot and even if not, the poetic value is strongly there. “Not to validate the obvious of culling warmth from silent giggles but art is a form of sedition” <— x1000. This particular album isn’t readily available online, so I shared an awesome performance of his that took place in Houston that I was not fortunate enough to actually attend, although, I see tons of familiar faces in attendance.

Yan Jun “Europe” No Rent Records, NRR42, 2017

—-This is my first exposure to the work of Yan Jun, but through some research I noticed he’s in ways affiliated with the likes of Otomo Yoshihide, a favorite of mine. This tape is really great for meditation, very strange recordings involving no input mixing boards, I find it to be very pleasant ambient white noise, and feedback sonatas. Definitely will have to check more of his work out.

Yureka Cash “Social Capital” No Rent Records NRR43, 2017

—-This recording is one of the more impressive I’ve heard in some time. I keep saying that about all of these things I’m writing about here. Maybe even impressive is the wrong word, but impactful, yeah, the spoken and processed words that are conveniently printed in the artwork, the thematic issues touched upon, and the sonic accompaniment to them makes for quite an impactful listening experience.

A Noisy Delivery by GX-Jupitter Larsen

—-I picked this up from GX at last years 9/11 Noise Fest in Austin, where he performed a Haters set (fucking incredible), and shamefully waited until recently to watch it for the first time. I tend to have much more of an affinity for musical experiences that film, I don’t really know why. I did really enjoy this film. I enjoyed the unsettling interjections of different philosophical stances, maybe stances is the wrong word, statements, that kind of come at you in an unexpected way. The soundtrack is where it’s at too, and there are a lot of beautiful shots throughout. Very lovely noir and weird film, my first to watch by GX, but GX is one of those names that I just try to get as many things as I can by at this point, and I’ve yet to absorb anything by him that didn’t enrich my life a lot.

Cloak of Altering “Plague Beasts” Crucial Blast Records, 2014

—-Cloak of Altering is one of the projects by the prolific demon behind Gnaw Their Tongues, and many other projects that I love, Maurice de Jong, or more colloquially known as Mories. Here we have a blend of almost EDM programmed death metal beats that come at you in a progressive way, with Mories’ patented orchestral instrumentation sound that one kind of becomes familiar with when one becomes familiar with his ouvre, though each album is still different from each other, they are all very dark, very intense, and some of my favorite recordings. This album rules. No surprises there for me.


—-My friend Henry Mallard turned me onto this website. It has sort of a similar feel to Randy Prozac’s work in my opinion, though I have not came close to taking in the body of either of their works. I downloaded the recordings from this website and have found them very nice. And reading around in the website is definitely thought provoking in a desirable way. Thank you, Henry!

Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors by Sergei Paradjanov, 1965

—-This is a really beautiful work by a master of cinema, and I own the Kino Video boxset that some seem to complain about in reviews, but it makes things easier for me to not run up data and watch things on DVD. It’s available online for those that don’t have to worry about data.

Deathspell Omega “Chaining The Katechon” Norma Evangelium Diaboli NED 021, 2008 & “Drought” Season of Mist SOM 810, 2012 & “Diabolus Absconditus” Norma Evangelium Diaboli NED027, 2011

—-I’ve been on a Deathspell Omega kick lately. Really, I tend to be very picky when it comes to the metal that I listen to, whereas with noise, I basically love all noise, but it’s all so broad and different and maybe that’s the best part of it, but with metal, maybe since it’s something I grew up on, I really try to go out of my way to find stuff that is pushing the bar, again, these are just opinions. And my opinion is that DSO is one of the best. Please if you’re reading this and you know a slew of bands you find much better than this, please do tell. They’re lyrical content, the fact that their identities are hidden, their musical abilities, it’s just so fucking fantastic.

Macronympha / Easy Bake Oven 容易オーブン Split “Induced Elitism” Rorer 714-046, Bizarre Audio Arts, limited to 50 copies, 2016

—-Macronympha ought to be a name anyone with the slightest interest in harsh noise would be aware of, and then some, i’m no expert myself but they’ve been creating some of the most bad ass harsh noise for decades, with a rotating line-up, currently consisting of founding member Joseph Roemer and Leonardo Sabatto (who also makes killer stuff as Armenia). In the words of Roemer: “More like a mirror we reflect society, some things you might not ordinarily look at. A dark and perversely twisted photo-journalism. Freaks and other like-minded individuals aren’t the only people who can look past “-isms” and “-ologies” to find a relevant voice. NOISE is as old as millions of years of volcanic eruption and mountain erosion. The modern industry of metal and machines added more to this mix. All we do is use everything at our disposal to record the true power that had been filling the airwaves since the beginning of time.” On this split release we still see Macronympha destroying shit, just awesome!! Easy Bake Oven 容易オーブン is a newer project, but obviously they’re doing something right to end up on a split with the masters, and it does show on this release, with their brutal synth and harsh textures disasterpiece track!

Stalagmite Repression “Stigmata Documentary” Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter PHC090, CDr, 2016

—-This is the duo of John Grimaldi and Henry Rial, and I don’t really know how to explain it well, but this has become one of my favorite noise releases rather quickly. It just has like all my favorite characteristics of noise bundled up into 5 slabs of tasteful textures, a sense of compositional structure, volume dynamics, electro acoustics, drone, quick cuts, devastatingly thick bass, mysterious use of vocals, and I don’t know why but the overall flow of the whole thing makes the hour long playtime seem short even, if only for my desire for more. I kind of hate playing favorites as there’s so much good noise and art out there, but….yeah, i mean check this shit out if you like tasteful harsh/drone-scapes from some talented duckheads

Scorpion Sound Source “Amy Whitehouse” Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter PHC088, 2016

—-Kylie Damnyou is/was quite an enigmatic trans woman from what I remember when I was on facebook, and as far as I know she deleted her facebook too. I always enjoyed interacting with her, she was having a super rough time there for a while with homelessness, I hope she’s doing better. I love the pun title on this release, the track title referencing the age Amy passed, and is kinda well known for being the age that numerous other popular musicians have passed. The majority of this recording is a relentless feedback assault that I found to be quite cathartic. I love this album, fantastic harsh sounds and vibes all throughout. I couldn’t find this particular release online, but felt I should share more of her work because I feel like it comes from a very genuine place of dissatisfaction with the way the world is, and the way trans people are treated. 



Hello followers ov the void, hope you’re finding what you need to help you through this mess, and I hope sometimes I help with that, and fuck hope.

My father passed away on Saturday evening. I flipped out Saturday evening. I hated existence. I guess I don’t exactly hate existence, sometimes. I guess I kind of want to start focusing on what helps me not hate existence here in this void. Fuck the bullshit.

Katsuyoshi Kou & Toshimaru Nakamura “3 Amps” Ftarri-991, CD, 2015

—-The above video is a fair example of how the record is, though the video only captures the last few moments of their performance, it is kind of how the recording ends. The record is quite incredible, as is anything I have found that includes Nakamura. It works at a glacial pace and slowly builds in intensity,  I believe I picked it up just because Nakamura is on it.

Russell Haswell & PAIN JERK “Electroacoustic Sludge Dither Transformation Smear Grind Decomposition n0!se File Exchange Mega Edit” Editions Mego eMEGO 200CD, 2014

—-I don’t actually own this, for shame. I really need to get some money together and purchase it though, because it is legit one of the better cut up harsh recordings I’ve ever heard. Really quite phenomenal all the way throughout, but nothing less is to be expected from these renowned masters of outré sound territories.

Amyer Waad Deed Cholt / Henry Mallard “The Cold Weather Blues”  Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter, PHC084, CDr, 2016

—-Both parties lay the smackdown on this one, and both of them have been laying the smackdown for some time now. Very awesome harsh release.

J. Spaceman & Sun City Girls “Mister Lonely” Drag City DC360CD, 2008

—-This is something I picked up because it features Sun City Girls, a band I am trying to collect as many things as I can from that changes up their style all the time, often tracks on the same album are completely different from one another. This is a very beautiful release.

Zambian Kalindula Mix

—-Someone at some point told me to check out Zambian Kalindula music, as I wrote it down in my phone but didn’t write who told me to write it down. Thank you, whoever did that. I found it to be quite enjoyable celebratory-esque music.

Kirk Knuffke & Mike Pride “The Exterminating Angel” Not Two MW 842-2, CD, 2012

—-I ordered this from Mike Pride several years ago and recently picked it out of my storage unit for a revisit. It still rules. Very bad ass jazz duo recording.

Daunik Lazro + Claude Tchamitchian / Akosh Szelevényi + Didier Levallet / Guillaume Orti + Eric Chalan / Maurice Merle + Jean Bolcato “Orléans” Rectangle Rec-AB2, CD, 1999

—-I ordered this a few years ago from Quentin Rollet, who runs Rectangle, and what we have here is four different jazz duo recordings that are all quite phenomenal.

Én (Pál Tóth) & Q. (Quentin Rollet) & Ahad (Zsolt Sőrés) “Paw Music” Ronda rnd14, ReQords REQ-002, HEyeRMEarS/DISCORBIE HDCD 10, CD, 2010

—-This came in with the same order from Quentin Rollet mentioned above. This is one of the better electro-acoustic improvisation recordings I’ve ever heard, and seems to have a composed progression about it, though I could be mistaken.

Incapacitants “As Loud As Possible”

—-A classic in harsh territory.

Nurse With Wound “Lumb’s Sister” Jnana Records UJ2008, United Jnana, CD, 2014

—-This was something I picked up at Recycled Books, if I remember correctly, just because it’s by NWW, a band I try to collect things by, because they tend to be quality recordings, and this is actually one of my more favorite recordings I’ve heard from them. Quality creep territory.

The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

—-I finished this novel in a little under two weeks which is pretty damn fast for me. I could hardly put it down.  It’s hard to say exactly how it has impacted me, but the way Dostoyevsky seems to communicate philosophical ideals through the way characters interact with each other gave me a ton to think about. Very thought provoking and entertaining reading.

L’Orange & Mr. Lif “The Life and Death of Scenery” This album is free as Adult Swim here

—-and Adult Swim gives you an absolutely incredible hip-hop release dealing in political commentary from a future dystopia that doesn’t seem far fetched in my mind. Thanks AS. I’ve been listening to Mr. Lif for a long time. One of my favorite MCs. He delivers the goods on this one.

Zoltán Kodály, Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Neeme Järve “Háry János Suite, Peacock Variations, Dances of Galánta”

—-When it comes to more typical sounding classical music, Kodály has been a favorite of mine for years. I picked this CD up somewhere used, who knows how long ago, and each time I’ve listened to it I’ve enjoyed it.

Vultures Quartet with Schuyler Tsuda “Sui Generis” Zoharum ZOHAR 045-2, CD, 2013

—-I received this through an order I placed from the venerable Dr. Anthony Donovan, who also played a major role in the Classwar Karaoke series through which I found out about him and his work. This CD is fucking incredible. One of the better electro-acoustic recordings I’ve ever heard, and kind of hard to tell if they’re improvising or if it’s composed, maybe both? The sonic depth of this album keeps me coming back time and time again, and seems to put me in an outré state where sometimes I don’t even recognize the recording has ended, and when I go back I catch things I don’t remember from previous times.

Jason Lescalleet “This Is What I Do Vol. 5” Glistening Examples, TIWIDV5, CDr, 2015

—-I think I’m including works by Lescalleet in nearly every update on this blog. For good reason. He’s kind of one of the best. This recording is no exception.

Daughters “Hell Songs”

—-I wear my sickness like a wedding band.

Ween in general

—-My soul is brown. I love everything Ween has ever done. They have helped me through some very dark times. Including the last couple days. So, I mention them here. Very few bands have held such an important place in my heart for so many years. I really fucking hope they make new music one day, but if not, they have quite an impressive catalog and plenty of worthy b-sides and rarities worth searching the internet for.

The New Blockaders “Epater Les Bourgeois” Kubitsuri Tapes S;E;X59-032CD-R, 2009, originally released in 1985

—-I picked this up from the hidden closet of outré sounds found in the Arlington CD Warehouse because I was lucky enough to find it in there, and have started collecting as many things as I can from The New Blockaders. This one is unlike most of what I’ve heard from them. I wonder if this is one of the first ambient noise wall, or ANW, releases there is? It’s rather uneventful, but can be used for meditation very effectively, just pretty quiet white noise, good for reading or meditating. The video I shared above is actually a completely different recording using the same name. Not sure the story behind all of that, but it’s worth checking out too, and it more closely resembles most of what I am familiar with of their recordings.

The Cherry Point “Black Witchery” Troniks TRO-223, PACrec118, CD, 2006

—-This is something else I picked up in the back closet of CD Warehouse in Arlington, because I’m familiar with The Cherry Point being a name you can trust when it comes to harsh noise. And this CD fucking kicks ass.

Deathspell Omega “Paracletus” CD, 2010

—-Alright, so, here we have what I would call Metal-Done-Right. Not only are the members insanely talented players, but the lyrics really are very deep. I feel like I needed to pick this one up this week especially, I didn’t pick it up knowing that, it’s been a while since I listened to it, and I don’t think I ever really paid close attention to the lyrical content of this one until now. I am very glad that I did, and that I took the time to translate the stuff in languages I don’t understand. NO BACKWARDS STEPS.

My friend Kelly clowning around 🙂

—-I made a new friend. She reached out to me because of my “unhinged” instagram account, as she referred to it. Since I am including things in this blog and trying to move more in a focused direction of sharing that which makes me not hate existence so much, and this definitely lightened up my spirits during the rough time I’m having. Thank you Kelly!

February 3rd, 2017 (forgot to post this yesterday)

Howdy fellow readers, I hope you’re finding some joy amidst the chaos. My last batch of treatment in Waco has ended, and I have begun a new leg of treatment today, which is why I am posting this so late. I’m in Temple, TX, now, for what appears to be the next 6 months. The last treatment center I was at, went pretty into detail in regards to Cognitive Processing Therapy, and was more or less intensely focused on combat related traumas. This upcoming section here in Temple, will still focus on those traumas, but I will also be able to deal with working on other traumas in my life. Mainly, the suicide of my best friend, the sexual abuse I suffered as a teenager, and currently watching my dad die. There are more, but at this moment in time, these things and my military history are what plague my mind the majority of the time.

I keep getting asked by people if I am doing better. I mean. Not really. I guess in the way that I am being around other people, which is kind of not at all, that is better. For the most part, even during treatment, I remained fairly isolated. Lonely 10%, solitude the other 90%. I don’t ever want to be in a situation again where someone else is being brought down by how down I am. I don’t exactly think I will ever be all that up again. Who knows. When Happy Haultaine rolls around maybe I’ll quit noise, and make dance music in the Bahamas. I just don’t forsee ever being able to not detest this planet we are on, and almost everyone in it. I wish I was a cat. I should stop whining. I should give up and be just like most people and work some shit job, and pay my shit bills, rinse and repeat until I am dead; fucked up part is maybe that would feel better than wanting very deeply for things to change and feeling powerless, and hopeless most of the time.

My sister is pregnant with triplets. I hope the world becomes better before they get older.

I got to play my first show since the surprise show I played on 666mas on the 1st of February, with none other than some of my, if not my absolute most favorite people on the planet, Nick Cabrera and Nathan Golub as ASCITES. Some of my favorite people played in sets earlier that night. We were all put into states of mesmerization by Lily Taylor’s vocal stylings on top of Ernesto Montiel doing prepared guitar work, and Chris Holmes on percussion, and some other guitarist. That was tight. Then the touring acts blew us away, Chris Pitsiokos with Philip White, Chris screeching and scronking away while White used some custom built electronics, being triggered in some way through control voltage with MAXmsp, as well as Chris’ sax playing interacting with the electronics’ functions, to create an overall onslaught of sputter, squelch, and tonal insanity. I’m really fucking glad and honored to have shared a bill with them all. I built a new instrument for the ASCITES set, and got to thrash around with it, and I tried to start some fights with audience members but they only let me push them and didn’t do any pushing back. Oh well, we are supposed to play another set later this month in Tyler TX, and it’s possible that they will get more riled up for me. I want the Incapacitants worship that is our sound to incite a kind of controlled riot in the room, I want us all shoving each other around in psychosis even if for only five minutes. It’s a simple dream.

ANYWAYS, here are the things I am occupying free time with in order to not go out of my mind or leap from any bridges.

Musikautomatica ‘1983’ a CDr given to me by my friend Ernesto Montiel

—-I found the recordings on the CDr that Ernesto gave me to be quite phenomenal, even by todays “standards”, these recordings still give off an ‘otherworldy’ feel, a sense of being beyond being, ultra incredible stuff that is very weird, electroacoustic explorations.

Chris Pitsiokos & Philip White ‘Paroxysm’ Carrier Records, 2015

—-Basically, this is a great example of what these two can pull off live, I picked this up from them after seeing them on the 1st. Great quality recording. Listen above for yourself.

Keelhaul ‘II’ Hydra Head Records, 2000

—-“No matter how you look at it, it’s a 360º son of a bitch” This is one of those albums I return to year after year, if not sooner, and jam out to it like I was 15 again. It fucking rocks, hard. The lyrics I can understand hit me deep into my core, and only further the intensity of the metal-esque rock music that is actually quite singular. I know of no other metal album like this really, even the other Keelhaul albums, while still being awesome, just for some reason don’t do for me what this one does for me. It’s nostalgic for me too, so that could have something to do with it.

Bad Jazz ‘Bad Dreams In The Night’, Eh? subsection of Public Eyesore Records, 2015

—-On this album one hears the invented instruments of Bryan Day, some electronic toys, bells, and piano played by Tania Chen, and more invented instruments as well as feedback and percussion by Ben Solomon. Whatever weird subsect of AMM-ish worship this is, might be my favorite thing musically/sonically right now. Complete absence of melody, rhythm, most things a common folk may refer to as being ‘music’ just strange hallucinatory zones of unfamiliar timbres and alien communication, creating altogether a new music that very beyond simple descriptors.

Melt Banana ‘1998/13000 Miles At Light Velocity’ Tzadik Records, 1999

—-according to wikipedia: The album is not a conventional “live” album: it was not recorded at a concert, but live in the studio specially for John Zorn’s Tzadik Records during the band’s 1998 US tour. Many of the songs are being played in slightly different arrangements than the album versions. It is kind of a “best-of” release but with all the material re-recorded live in the studio. It also features their cover of The Beach Boys‘ “Surfin’ U.S.A.“.The album features an untitled hidden track just a few seconds after “Plot in a Pot”. This is a noisy instrumental jam with someone announcing all of Melt-Banana’s tour dates. The album begins in a similar way: before “Scratch Or Stitch”, the same person says: “Yea looks like we’re ready to go, yep here they come… yep here we go!” The photos and artwork were made by Ikue Mori. in my own words, this album fucking rules. I have a big soft spot for Melt Banana. One of my faves.

Pauline Oliveros ‘The Roots of The Moment’, hatOLOGY, Info, 2006

—-I can’t find an audio preview online for this, for shame. It’s really quite incredible. Oliveros’ accordion playing is accompanied by an interactive electronic environment created by Peter Ward, and it weaves in and out of different drones beating on each other, or swirling out and spiraling in, and never loses its mesmerizing touch throughout the entire recording.

Olivia Block & Greg Kelley ‘Resolution’ Erstwhile, 2011

—-If you like forward thinking, far out, electro acoustic experimentation at all, you need to add this to collection ASAP. It hardly ever gets better than this. Meta-Top-Notch.

Prurient ‘The History of Aids’ Armageddon LabelHospital Productions, 2002

—-I heard through the grapevine that this is Prurient’s best release. While, the only argument I have for that is that it doesn’t really make sense to compare or play the comparison game, as I have been in love with everything I have heard from Prurient for a while now, this album does rule hard. Very intense. Very texturally incredible.

Useless Prick (they have quite a few incredible releases for free on their bandcamp)

—-Henry Mallard turned me onto the work of Useless Prick, who also performs under the Waves Crashing Piano Chords moniker, and has a reputation for being one of the most intense harsh noise artists there is. The sounds found in this bandcamp can attest to these claims. Extremely bad ass harsh cut-up textural mayhem to be found there.

Steve Jansen ‘Bound Volume’ That’s Cool Records, 2016

—-I’ve come to be somewhat an acquaintance with Steve Jansen over the years, sharing several bills with him around DFW, chatting through emails. He’s a very humble sound artist that really churns out some of the more fascinating, quieter and more patient sound art, with tons of detail every second throughout.

Henry Kaiser / Damon Smith / Weasel Walter ‘Plane Crash Two’ New Atlantis Records Bandcamp, 2015

—-Not sure why, but I am unable to embed this album like I did the others, so the link to it is right above. 3 masters of improvising, come together for a little over an hours worth of bad ass shit. Check it.

Junko & Michel Henritzi ‘Behind The Door’ Blossoming Noise, 2015

—-This may be my favorite album of someone singing on top of pretty guitar music. I am sure that those who agree with me sit on a tiny island with me in regards to this opinion. Love ballads for true freaks.

Pentemple ‘O))) Presents’ Southern Lorn, 2008

—-Sick cover art by Justin Bartlett, and sounds of the unholy grail by Greg Anderson, Steven O’Malley, Oren Ambarchi, Attila Csihar, and Sin Nanna. Classick recording. Need I say more?

Merzbow ‘Pulse Demon’ Release Records, 1996

—-One of zbow’s most popular releases and for good reason. It is fucking amazing the entire way through, created by a master, one of the first noise releases I ever heard and I still come back to it year after year.

Hijokaidan ‘Modern’ 1989 & Hijokaidan ‘Romance’ 1990

—-Two classic harsh albums from some of the inventers of the genre. I find taking these in to be quite an exhilarating experience. The frequencies start to consume you, the clipping and battling of the frequencies starts to pull and disassemble your inner being reforming a new you by the time you find yourself naked lying in a ditch wondering how you got there.

Les Rallizes Denudés ‘Heavier Than A Death In The Family’

—-I saw the picture of this album come across my instagram feed and had to check it out because of the album title. I am very glad I decided to do that.

MV & EE with The Bummer Road ‘Mother of Thousands’ & MV & EE with The Golden Road ‘Foxgod In Flight’

—-I received both of these in the form of CDr’s from my best friend Junior Wayne. They are both very beautiful, psychedelic folk and noise statements that I know I will be revisiting often. He told me to check out everything I can by MV & EE and I definitely plan on it now.

Slackbeat CDr

—-This was also given to my Junior Wayne. I am friends with the members of this band and have had the pleasure to see them live numerous times, as well as share the stage with them a few times. Really fucking awesome, melting sounding rock music, where every drum bar is slightly different from the last, not enough to notice unless you pay really close attention, while the swirls of sound created by Sinevil and company pound out that fucked-rock aesthetic.

Incapacitants ‘No Progress’ 1994

—-I’ve been on a classic harsh kick if that isn’t obvious by now. Something about all these overbearing tones that never seem to end in the moment really gives me this “i’m okay right now” feeling that I don’t know any other way to explain.

Ramleh ‘Hole In The Heart’ 1987

—-Thus continues my explorations and revisits of classic harsher albums, this time more in guitar and synth territory, and at times even melodic lines come through. Beautiful recording.


—-I just recently discovered the work of Alex Ferris. He builds tons of amazing and unique instruments. In his own words: “I price all of my music at $0.00, but Bandcamp only allows a limited number of free downloads per month. If you see a price it means that the free downloads have been used up for the month. If I set a price lower than the $7.00 default, there won’t be any free downloads ever. If there are more sales there end up being more free downloads. I’m not trying to get anybody to spend money (I loathe capitalism and the comercialzation of everything, especially the arts). I make music, not product. If you end up buying something, at least you have enabled 2 other people to get something for free (which is a good thing). Or check back until it’s free again. Please feel free to duplicate and pass along.” I found quite a bit on soulseek and I have been enjoying it a lot.

Kenneth Gaburo ‘Five Works For Voices, Instruments, and Electronics’ Info, 2002

—-I was looking more into Spectral music, esp since I found out about the work of Iancu Dumitrescu and Ana Maria Avram a few years ago, and somewhere online I saw a list of ‘notable spectral composers’ and this name was on it, thus my notes on my phone told me so. I soulseeked some stuff and definitely need to start tracking more physical copies of this stuff down. I am not skilled enough in music theory to explain what sets this apart from other “experimental” sound explorations, but it just has this something, this pristine quality about it, that is also somehow unfuckwithable, just truly fantastic sound creations.

Dissecting Table ‘Ultimate Psychological Description II’ Dark Vinyl Records, 1993

—-This was something else Junior Wayne gave me recently. I have heard other DT work, but all I had heard were his more noisy ventures. This one took me by surprise in its industrial metal approach, but I rocked out hard to it and found it to be quite bad ass. Tatsuya Yoshida from Ruins is on the last two tracks, which is definitely the icing on the cake.

Peaking Lights ‘Clearvoyant’ 2008 & Imaginary Falcons’ 2009

—-I received both of these yet again from JW. Two very beautiful lo-fi angelic sounding recordings. Very calming, and serene. I loved them a lot.

Wadada Leo Smith, Vinny Golia, and Bertram Turetzky ‘Prataksis’ Nine Winds Records, 1997

—-I can’t seem to track down any audio previews of this online. What I can say, is that this album is masterfully done. I have been familiar with Wadada Leo Smith for a little while now, I think originally introduced to him through some of his collabs with John Zorn, and other releases on Tzadik. In the liner notes it says this recording is the result of these three playing together for the first time. The fact that they create such magick with their initial encounter says a ton about the musicians involved, how well they pay attention to each other, and communicate with each other sonically. I will have to track down more stuff by Golia and Turetzky.

Hank Roberts, Django Bates, and Arto Tunçboyaciyan ‘Little Motor People’ JMT, 1992

—-This was another gift by JW to me, and another I deeply loved. There are some jazz standards on here, but overall the playfulness and direction taken with each “standard” is quite incredible. The original pieces are done very well too. Very cool jazz album.

Emil Beaulieau ‘RRRecycled’ RRRecords

—-The legend himself, Ron, on another album in all his glory. America’s best harsh noise artist.

Lake of Dracula ‘S/T’ Skin Graft Records, 1997

—-This missed my radar for the last 6 or 7 years of trying to dive into as much of Weasel Walter’s discography as I can. This album fucking rules. Fucked off rock music on one of the labels known for releasing some of the most adventurous and forward thinking rock music there is. This was also gifted to me by JW, I fucking love you man.

Alright, that wraps up another update. Your Princess is hanging in there 😉 I love you all. Be on the lookout for my next update on the 13th ❤




23rd of Janurary, 2017

I’ve decided to start publishing posts on the 3rd, 13th, and 23rd of each month, mainly because I am a third. Not too much significance behind it, and it will give me structure with keeping this thing going, and maybe cater to the expectations of others. I find it surprising that anyone asks me when the next update is coming, so thank you, and I hope this helps!
My current treatment situation is coming to an end soon. I am still not sure where I am going after here, I just know that it will be continued treatment of some sort. Looking at several different options currently.


I have been sourcing scrap metals from a nearby construction site to where i’m receiving treatment, new instrument/scrap metals means new timbres to mutilate!!

I started reading ‘The Brothers Karamazov’ by Fyodor Dostoyevsky recently, and I’m finding it very interesting, so much so that I have been having a hard time putting it down. Good thing it’s 700 pages and will keep me busy for a bit with the little free time I have. My free time was spent finishing this beast, took me around a year:

I read slow, but I found that this book has tons of interesting articles. Some friends also turned me onto the Disinformation Youtube channel, which I shall start digesting soon.

Alan Courtis ‘Unstringed Guitar & Cymbals’ Blossoming Noise BN034CD, 2008

—-I can’t find a preview of this online. I am not sure how the sounds that are heard on this are being produced by the unstrung guitar and cymbals. I can tell you, that if you are big on mysterious, ambient-esque drone-esque scapes, that you would find yourself satisfied with the sounds found on the CD. Very lovely.

Easy Bake Oven + Frataxin ‘Pinched Nerve’ Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter, 2016

—-Both sides of this tape are an onslaught of mangled synths, electronics and screams. Hyper negative and brooding, and continually punishing in the waves of sound coming in, the obvious desire for nothingness that might even be detectible without the attached poem in the J-card, I believe this tape can help one exorcise some demons, as it surely sounds like it helped the folks who created it to do just that.

Run The Jewels 1, 2, & 3, Contemporary Hip Hop of the last few years, RTJ3 download FREE here

—-I keep making a joke to myself that these 3 albums are all that makes sense any more. I had to pull the first two out after getting my hands on the 3rd. I waited until I had a physical copy of the 3rd to take them all in, in a row. Very powerful hip hop, from two of the best. A++ and god damn that Thursday In The Danger Room track may be the only hip hop track that’s ever made me cry, hit that close to home for me.

Axolotl ‘Telesma’ Spooky Records, 2006

—-I want to say that I picked this album up in a special hidden room in the Arlington, TX, CD Warehouse, where they keep most of their far out/experimental music, just ask a clerk if you’re ever there, it’s in the back, and this is one of the things I picked up just because it was in that room and it looked cool. Very beautiful ambient music on this one.

Pedestrian Deposit ‘RRRecycled’ RRRecords, 2003

—-I got this from a recent order I placed through Ron mostly because I am a big fan of PD’s other works, and just realized there was a Recycled tape with them on it as I was browsing Ron’s store the last time I had any spare money. All the RRRecycled tapes I’m talking about on this post and the last were from the same order, actually. 666mas money well spent. This tape sees PD in a mostly harsh territory, not a whole lot of shifting around or dramatic dynamic changes like on their other releases, but still very awesome and disgusting.

Contagious Orgasm ‘The Flow Of Sound Without Parameter’ Ground Fault Records, GF016, 2001

—-CO should become a household name for anyone into far out sounds. This album is all over the place. Pop music is even sprinkled in here and there, harsh sections, ambient sections, tons of weird peaks and valleys between.

Nate Wooley ‘Seven Storey Mountain V’ Pleasure Of The Text Records

—-Nate Wooley never ceases to amaze me, and the entire SSM series is just phenomenal and keeps getting better, though, each installation has been different and each amazing, in some way even with being as familiar with parts I-IV as I am, V still amazed me. Pretty difficult to classify, each piece seems to be really long and drawn out crescendos involving an ever growing arrangement of musicians, each of whom has a history of putting out amazing material themselves. Lots to digest here, in the album itself and in searching out albums by musicians that are on this album and the other SSM releases.

The Human Quena Orchestra ‘Means Without Ends’ DAFT Alliance, Sinks and Sources, 2007

—-I’ve been listening to this album, and this band for right around 10 years now. This is still some of the darkest, and heaviest sludge/doom that I know of. I had the pleasure of seeing them perform in a sushi bar in Richmond, VA around 10 years ago, and it has always left a deep impression on me. The fact that so much depth is achieved from a two piece still baffles me.

Feecho ‘Bums’ El Negocito Records, Info, 2015

—-This duo is comprised of Onno Goevart, and Kaja Draksler. I’ve seen Onno perform several times here in Texas, and picked this up from him the last time I saw him a few months back. He’s a terrific percussionist. This album really blew me away. The different places these musicians go with just drums and piano is quite astounding.

Yousuke Fuyama “various recordings off bandcamp”

—-I just realized that YF is giving away a ton of top notch recordings for free on their bandcamp. I have yet to listen to anything off of this bandcamp that didn’t totally blow me away. Some of my favorite electronic/noise right now.

Randy Prozac a whole lot of holy shit and wtf to be found here

—-Henry Mallard turned me onto the work of R Prozac recently. Really, just go explore on this website. I don’t even know where to begin, all I know is that I have fallen deeply in love with the work of this R Prozac.

Eyedea & Abilities ‘First Born’, Rhymesayers, 2001

—-I really need to try and find a physical copy of this soon. I’ve been listening to it for years. One of my favorite hip hop albums of all time.

Pharmakon ‘Abandon’ Sacred Bones Records, 2013

—-This one destroys me every time I listen to it. Very powerful, and classic release in the field of catharsis.

Lana Del Rabies ‘In The End I Am A Beast’

—-I just started following Deathbomb Arc, and I suggest you do too. Somewhere on Instagram I saw post of theirs referencing a Lana Del Rabies, and I checked it out just because I love the name. I’ve seen Lana Del Rabies reference in reverence Pharmakon on instagram as well, which is why I picked Abandon to listen to again recently. There are definite comparisons one can make, but if I say so myself, and maybe because LDR’s sounds are newer to me, they have been hitting me on a deeper level, and maybe that’s because of all the stuff I am going through recently, and also reading articles of them talking about how this album is a way to deal with PTSD, or something along those lines. I dunno. This album really is very powerful, and somehow equal in it’s beauty in how devastating it is.

L’autopsie a révélé que la mort était due à l’autopsie ‘RRRecycled’ RRRecords, 2012

—-I was first turned onto this group by recommendation from Bryan Saunders. I don’t know how to describe what they are doing, at least in the few releases I have heard, but it reminds me of a much darker version of AMM or Gruppo. Very bad ass musique concrete, electro-acoustic improv music.

Alexander Adams ‘Two Extended Pieces For Meditation’ LB001, Lurker Bias, 2015

—-This and ‘Tone For Life’ seem to be what started Lurker Bias. I am glad a re-release was decided upon for these two releases, and both are very very worth picking up if copies are still available. This tape is 120 minutes of sound-tools to meditate with/upon. Very trance inducing. Very beautiful.

Makigami Koichi ‘Koedarake’ Tzadik Records, TZ 7253, 2005

—-I picked this up sometime ago at Recycled Books just because it’s on Tzadik. What I found is a maniac of the voice/mouth as instrument. Mostly unaccompanied if I remember correctly, dirges of weirdo voice and mouth sound explorations. At times these recordings had me laughing, at other times they had me terrified. Terrific stuff.

Taint ‘Whoredom’ Praxis Dr. Bearmann,TH-22, 1996

—-If I remember correctly, I checked this out because it ended up in Joe Roemer’s 100 essential noise releases list. I don’t physically own this, but I will definitely pick up a copy should I stumble upon one and have the cash to afford it. Lots of samples showcasing different conditions of destitute prostitution life, and lots of ugly as fuck noise to accompany it.

Alexander Adams ‘Tone For Life’ LB000, Lurker Bias, 2016

—-It seems this may only be available in physical format along with the newest re-release of ‘Two Extended Pieces for Meditation’; Better jump on it if you’re remotely into weird electronic noise. I am guessing a lot of what is going on on this one is very tasteful tape manipulation sounds, analog, possibly processed digitally further, I can make guesswork as to what is happening here all day. There are a lot of weird things going on on both sides of this tape. Side A seems to be very sporadic, and Side B seems to have more of a drawn out/crescendo approach, but both sides seem to have a definite narrative although it is hard to specify exactly what kind of approach or narrative. Really one of my favorite noise tapes that I own, no hyperbole.

Incapacitants ‘mon, ma? mon!!!’ Triangle RecordsCeroseneOutcry Records, 2012

—-Legendary band, phenomenal album. There’s not much I could say about them that hasn’t been said before, and more elegantly than myself. AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE

Jason Lescalleet ‘This Is What I Do Vol. 13’ Glistening Examples TIWIDV13, 2015

—-I’m sure that by now, anyone that reads my blog knows how much I drool over the work of Lescalleet. Here we have a 51 min track that has some seemingly un-processed field recording stuff going on for a while, that somehow eventually becomes a very haunting melodical passage that I am not sure what the source instrument is, overall it is another great album by a master.

Nmperign ‘RRRecycled’ RRRecords, 1999

—-Picked this up with my order because I am huge fan of Nmperign, Greg Kelley and Bhob Rainey, masters of thoughtful, patient, improvisation, extended techniques, not sure what else. The output I have been able to get my hands on by either of these two, or under the Nmperign moniker, has been some of my favorite sound art ever.

Id M Theft Able ‘Star Guts’ Mang-Disc #46, 2006

—-I came into awareness of Id M late in the game, and if you’re unaware of who that is and you’re reading this, just go check out their work on their bandcamp, like right now. Very mind boggling weirdo shit done with what it sounds like, a ton of skill.

Suspiria and Inferno by Dario Argento, 1977 and 1980

—-I just watched both of these films for the first time since the last time I made an update. WOW. I really loved them both a lot. The soundtracks are amazing. The visuals are quite incredible, especially for when they came out. I wish I would have checked these masterpieces sooner. I will be moving on to the third part in the ‘trilogy’ sometime soon hopefully.

Short Cuts and Gosford Park by Robert Altman, 1993 and 2001

—-My good friends Nathan and Randa Golub have expressed to me that Robert Altman is one of their favorite directors. So, I am haphazardly checking out anything I can find by him. Both of these movies I found to be thoroughly well done. Short Cuts is over 3 hours long and kept me super interested the entire time, sometime had me laughing, sometime had me in tears, just fantastic. And the elaborate game of Clue it seems they’re playing in Gosford Park keeps one quite interested the entire time as well. From the little I know of the director, he is known for allowing actors to kind of improvise lines throughout the films. I can’t tell which parts are improv and which parts aren’t, but that idea in and of itself is just brilliant to me. I will definitely be diving into more of his work ASAP.

As always, thank you for reading, thank you for being interested in my life, I hope you’re finding stuff here that interests you! Much love from your Princess.

Update Downdate Leftdate Rightdate

I saw that Hidden Figures movie and enjoyed it. I saw Rogue One and enjoyed that more. I ate Puerto Rican food for the first time and enjoyed that a lot. 🙂

Arvo Zylo “There Must Be Others” Lurker Bias, 2016

—-Another mindblowing release on Lurker Bias. Rhythmic and beat driven synth noise insanity.

Emil Beaulieau “Abusing The Little Ones” Nefarious ActivitiesSelf Abuse Records, originally released in 2003, reissued in 2013

—-I’m late to the game when it comes to diving into the work of Emil Beaulieau, and I am working on changing it. The track titles on this one are mostly, if not all, the names of other noise acts. I assume that maybe he is remixing or processing their sounds? Or poking fun at them? Either way, lots of dark and twisted harsh noise on this one.

John Wiese / Andy Ortmann “Recorder Out Of Tune” Nihilist Records, 2006

—-This entire CD is only 22 minutes long, but feels complete. Absolute sonic mastery in some of the most fucked up ways that I’ve come across. The tracks seem to have a definite narrative, or progression to them, really tasteful builds, drop offs, crunches, screeches, gags, etc.

Pain Jerk “Recycled” RRRecycled RRRecords, 1995

—-This is a super fantastic harsh noise tape. I don’t have any idea what equipment is being used to accomplish most of this. There are some synth tones but they are all dirty and dripping in distortion, these sound as if they were performed live, and travel from one section to the next in tasteful ways.

The Gerogerigegege “Yellow Trash Bazooka”
—-Classic. Always worth a revisit. I find it comedic but also terrifying? ONE TWO THREE FOUR

Naj. “Resituation Smile” Pure sublabel of RRRecords, 1995

—-I was surprised to look this up and find out it came out when it did. These longform tracks build and even parts that are semi repetitive are playful enough to keep me interested. Lots of gnarly sections, some rhythmic sections, overall a sick harsh journey.

Peter J. Woods “I’ve Told Lies Before” Lurker Bias

—-This one really blew me away. The spoken parts really add to the noise, and vice versa. The noise is just amazing, on both sides. Harsh and meticulous, just like I like it.

John Wiese “Magical Crystal Blah Volume 3”Kitty Play RecordsHelicopter Records, 2005

—-It’s John Wiese. It’s fucking incredible.

Christian Mirande “Trying To Remember A House” Glistening Examples, 2016

—-These tracks seem to be compiled of darker Buchla explorations, judging by the equipment I’ve seen Mirande use in the instagram videos he shares sometimes, field recordings, some of which definitely came from a military situation of some sort, and I’m not sure what else. It’s quite an amazing, weirder noise recording.

Derek Rogers “Silence Is Being Substituted” Glistening Examples, 2016

—-I don’t know if half the people I know around Dallas are aware of how lucky they are to have a sound artist of this caliber in the area. Every time I see Derek Rogers perform I am blown away, and all the recordings that I have listened to have blown me away. This album is just gorgeous, lush, full of playful exploration, not much more I can ask for from a recording honestly.

Jason Lescalleet “This Is What I Do Vol. 11” Glistening Examples, 2015

—-This album seems to be a giant homage to the late, great DJ Screw. The screwed tracks are further processed by Lescalleet’s genius techniques, and what results is a very artsy screwed hip hop album that I can see myself slipping on during parties, enough rhythm to keep the heads bobbing, enough weirdness to keep unexpecting listeners scratching their heads. Love it.

Jason Crumer “Ottoman Black” Hospital Productions, 2008

—-This album is a masterpiece. I would venture to say that everything by Crumer is a masterpiece.

Alan Sondheim, Azure Carter, Luke Damrosch “Threnody: Shorter Discourses of The Buddha” Public Eyesore, 2015

—-This is a super lovely, weird as fuck recording, involving a lot of different acoustic instruments, some singing and vocal narratives, some very tasteful electronic subtleties, and the last track stacked all of the previous tracks on top of each other for a final sonic ear massage. Great shit.

Captain Beefheart “Safe As Milk”

—-It’s Captain Beefheart, get on it if you don’t already know.

Much love everyone, hope you’re enjoying the things I’m sharing on here,

Princess Haultaine III



according to the gregorian calendar, it’s 2017. I released this track about 6 hours after that calendar turned so, if it isn’t obvious it’s my desire to see escapist mind-rot magazines like ‘SEVENTEEN’ releasing news about the harsh reality we find ourselves in, instead of filling kid’s minds with bullshit.

I’m still taking in a lot of art. Recently I was written about at this awesome blog, by someone I don’t know very well, and found it VERY touching. If you read this blog, pls show his blog some love too ❤

I just had a track released on the newest one and only Classwar Karaoke compilation, and I couldn’t be more honored about it. The now ending series has hosted some of the most enthralling experimental and weirdo music during it’s time, and is well worth spending several years diving into.

Recent listenings….“““~~~~~~//////

Ikue Mori ‘Myrninerest’ Tzadik TZ 7714, 2005

—-Found a copy of this at Recycled Books in Denton recently, and picked it up. I had illegally downloaded it several years ago. I’m weird with how I support artists. I try to buy new releases from artists directly from them first, if that isn’t possible, I will buy from the label, and any older releases I tend to find at places like Recycled Books or Discogs. I’m not sure how immoral that is. But I think I buy a lot of new releases, even when I am broke and in a hole, I have to. This album has been mesmerizing me for years. A lot of Ikue Mori’s work has, at least all that I have heard, and there is a lot, and I haven’t heard it all, but I assume it is all very good.

Deathspell Omega ‘The Synarchy of Molten Bones‘ Norma Evangelium Diaboli, 2016

—-DSO still rules, and now more so than ever, which is hard to imagine since their body of work is all so well thought out, and devastating. Whoever these mad souls are creating these songs, thank the unholy lords for them.

Paul Lytton ‘ “?” “!” ‘ Pleasure of The Text Records, 2015

—-I purchased this from Nate Wooley right when it came out, and it blows my mind every time I listen to it. Really incredible improvised percussive sounds that never turn into a beat or rhythm really, with very tasteful and mostly subtle use of electronics.

Longmont Potion Castle 13


Diamond Terrifier ‘Kill The Self That Wants To Kill Yourself’ Northern Spy, 2012

—-I own this but it’s in storage, and it’s really great, and I find myself repeating the album title in my head constantly. Magical stuff. I picked this up without listening to it before just because of it’s name, one day about 6-12 months ago at Recycled Books.

Alberich ‘NATO-Uniformen’, 2010

—-I don’t remember who told me to check this out, but I am glad they did. I found the entire recording to be worth checking out. I know some labels put out an LP shortened version, or excerpted version, and I hope one day to be able to afford a copy of the 50 8-cassette editions that Hospital Productions put out.

Modest Mouse ‘Moon and Antarctica’, 2000

—-During my recent visit to Meredith and Justin’s, before heading to Recycled the time I found Myrninerest actually, Meredith pulled out a box of stuff to try and sell there, and said I could have something from it if I wanted, and I noticed this album, which I haven’t listened to in nearly a decade. I became a MM fan real young but kind of over did it and gave it a break, and coming back to it was nice for me. Very nostalgic, not in a depressing way.

Bryan Lewis Saunders

—-I’ve met some really cool people by wearing this shirt around. I have a theory that any fan of BLS is an awesome person, and I have no proof to the contrary.

Oneohtrix Point Never ‘Replica’ Mexican SummerSoftware, 2011

—-I’m in the process of tracking down physical copies of every OPN release, and I have yet to be disappointed. One of my favorite projects that I only recently have gotten into.


I’ve also recently been getting to know an artist out of New Jersey that does work under the moniker Genocide Salad. They have had a troubling past and their work seems to deal with harsh realities, something I tend to appreciate more than anything else in the realm of art. Check it out there and Here

Much love to y’all,

Princess Haultaine III


Cr(H)appy holidays and trying to enjoy myself anyways, hope you’re doing the same! ❤

They let me leave the treatment facility again this weekend, so here’s a recap…

Friday I saw the Ass Creed movie, imo it isn’t good or entertaining. Brain rot in an unwanted way. Save two hours of your life and avoid it.

Saturday I stopped at my parent’s house, watched a bunch of shitty shows with my dying father (even one about the Alamo that forgot to mention that the Mexicans were trying to end slavery while Texas was trying to defend it) trying to keep my dad good company. He is now at the end of the prediction the doctors gave him. 3 months ago they told him he wouldn’t live past 3 months. He is in pretty awful shape. He’s lost a ton of weight and his arms and legs look like twigs. He’s losing all of his hair and his skin is so discolored that even my colorblind ass can see it. He’s in terrible spirits, but I did what I could to try and make him laugh. Very few of my attempts worked. I spent the night there that night, spent 666mas with my blood relatives the next day. All I wanted for 666mas was anything by Oneohtrix Point Never, and my mom tracked down a copy of Garden of Delete for me.

Sunday evening I went to Three Links in Deep Ellum to see Deflowered Electric Fleshbride (DEF) and They Say The Wind Made Them Crazy (TSTWMTC), two local acts consisting of some of the most amazing people I know, musically and personally. DEF started the evening out dressed in usual garb consisting of a full body lace suit, two microphones in hand they began layering disconcerting and haunting vocals on top of itself, very tortured stuff. Every time I see DEF I am thoroughly blown away. TSTWMTC followed with a very incredible set as well. Sarah Ruth and Gregg Prickett make up this band. As a two piece they create quite an orchestral sound, the sum being greater than it’s parts. Sarah Ruth performed on harmonium, hammered dulcimer, vocals, sometimes subdued and haunting, sometimes screeching and processing through effects, while Gregg Prickett holds things down on guitar and wooden flute. I’ve seen both of these acts more times than I can remember, and they both did stellar jobs this evening, consistently impressive and always pushing their sounds and styles further as time goes on.

Before any of the sets had begun, I asked Jeff, the promoter for Three Links, if there was any way I could do a surprise set at the end of the evening. I expected an immediate no. Instead, he asked Gregg if Gregg had ever heard me, to which Gregg was like “yeah, it’s badass” ❤ ultra flattering coming from Gregg for me, and then Jeff went to talk to some other folks about it and they ended up letting me do a set at the end of the evening. It’s the first time I’ve made noise outside of my headphones since I’ve been in treatment, and it felt fantastic. I began the set by thanking the club for allowing me to perform with such little notice, and told the audience that I was currently in treatment for PTSD. I proceeded to exorcise some demons and hopefully aided in some others exorcising them too. At the end of the set I told the audience some of my recent findings about PTSD since being in treatment. I didn’t know until recently that PTSD causes the frontal lobe the shrink in size, which can alter one’s rationality quite a bit. I told the audience that if they have any friends suffering from PTSD, that the next time they wake up from a flashback, start flipping out over “nothing” or whatever, that maybe just give them a hug and let them know that you care. It might not always work but it’s better than alienating the victim further or discarding them.

(photo candid of me by Lily Taylor)

That night I went back to Gregg and Stefan Gonzalez’ house, and was introduced to John Coltrane’s Om for the first time. I’ve been missing out. I let out a slightly daunting, “I have so much to learn,” to which they responded, “that’s way better than acting like you know everything.” So true. I hit up numerous record stores this weekend with my 666mas money trying to find a copy of a Coltrane record that has a recording of Om on it, to no avail. I shall have to order one the next time I can afford it. They told me how a lot of people hated on Coltrane for the Om piece, and we had a thoughtful discussion about how some people hate on things when it isn’t stuff they expect, or how it seems absurd to hate on artists for doing anything they want with art.

Yesterday, I went to Justin Lemons’ and Meredith Buie’s house. Before Justin got off of work, Meredith and their daughter Ella and I played some game involving dreidels and chocolate coins that Ella kept changing the rules to as we went along. During that Meredith introduced me to a band called Dirty Three, that was very pleasant and thoughtful country-esque, perhaps even post-country music, involving drums, guitars and violins from the sound of things. Really lovely stuff I will have to revisit ASAP.

Justin got home and we went to his rehearsal space to make some noises together. Without even discussing it much, we went into things, and it turned out to be one of the most fulfilling collaborations I’ve ever had. We recorded it and hopefully will release it one day. We have decided to call our duo: Physical And Mental Health. I am super stoked to keep working with him on this project.

Ahleuchatistas “Arrebato” International Anthem Recordings on Bandcamp

—-I’ve been a fan of Ahleuchatistas for almost 15 years now. Their work has changed a lot over the years, but it is consistently amazing.

The Body & Krieg Bandcamp, on At A Loss Recordings

—-I just picked this up over the weekend, and it’s devastating as fuck.

A.F. Jones “Rearward Through Forgottenness” Laminal Recordings Bandcamp

—-I think I’ve listened to this about 10 times since I got it less than a year ago, and it always seems to put me into a trance state so bad that every time I come back to it, I hear things I think I haven’t heard before. This is really lush music that sits in some weird peaks and valleys between drone and ambient, but also has harsher moments too.

Ahlzagailzehguh / Brad Griggs / Breaking The Will / Developer c-10 on New Forces 

Developer tape on Fusty Cunt, Sample on Archive.org

—-I picked these up because of Developer’s name being on them, but I am also a big fan of Ahlzagailzehguh, and now I need to learn more about Brad Griggs and Breaking The Will. Very very solid harsh cut up with tons of dynamics, just filthy and amazing shit.

Country Teasers “Destroy All Human Life”

—-I can only imagine how many people have become upset at this band over the years. It tickles my misanthropic fancy quite a bit.

BDM “hirsute (extended)” Bandcamp

—-Michael Foster, Ben Bennett, David Grollman….need I say more? A fantastic and depraved improv release by some of the masters of improvisation.

They Say The Wind Made Them Crazy self released CD in stamped cardboard box, A good article about them

—-I couldn’t be more honored to call these two my friends, and even if they weren’t my friends, I’d still say they are making some of the most interesting music right now, period.

Oneohtrix Point Never “Garden of Delete”

—-I fucking love this album, and I don’t know how to describe why really. I know of nothing like this, things that are sorta kinda little like it in small parts, but overall, these compositions are pretty left field for me, in a beautiful and mesmerizing way.

Kayo Dot “Hubardo” Bandcamp

—-One of my all time favorite albums ever. I will never understand how Toby Driver writes such amazing music, but thank the unholy lords that he does.

Gnaw Their Tongues “L’arrivée De La Terne Mort Triomphante” Bandcamp

—-This is one of the darkest “metal” albums I know of. There isn’t a drop of hope to be found in this album. Brutal.

Paul Lytton, Nate Wooley, Ikue Mori, Ken Vandermark “The Nows” Clean Feed

—-This Double Disc release features two different trios on each, both with Paul Lytton and Nate Wooley, one with Ikue Mori being the third member and the other with Ken Vandermark. I love them both, but I’m super in love with Ikue Mori’s sound work, so I tend to favor that disc over the other. Really great improvised recordings.

Garden Medium Bandcamp

—-Super sick improv recordings involving Sandy Ewen, Carol Sandin Cooley, and Rebecca Novak.

Henry Mallard + Planet Shithead “A Collaboration” Bandcamp

—-Really awesome harsh excursions

Aube “Recontextual Abstraction 1996”

—-It’s Aube, i’ve yet to hear any Aube I didn’t love.

Danny Brown “Atrocity Exhibition”

—-This is my introduction to Danny Brown. I need to check more of his work out. I love this album, I love the weird production on it, I love that the lyrics are deep, dark and very real.

I’ve also recently uploaded some new tracks to Soundcloud as well as Bandcamp

That’s it for this update, peace and much love to you all,

Princess Haultaine


Anniversary of Being Thrown Into Existence, 29th Edition


I was told by them to exclaim such things in all caps and that it will be understood as excitement and not that I’m yelling, hahaha. I dunno how to properly exclaim my gratitude or excitement in text.

This PTSD Treatment program let me leave for the weekend, due to my anniversary of being thrown into existence. That and they generally don’t want us to isolate here, so they encourage we leave occasionally if we have a good reason to. So, on Friday, when I received confirmation that I could leave for the weekend, I began texting various friends throughout Texas to see if anyone wanted to hang out. Nathan got back to me and offered to buy me a ticket to Day For Night fest in Houston for my birthday, and I basically couldn’t and didn’t want to argue with that. I am forever in debt to the Golub’s, they don’t think I am but I prefer to think I am. If I can pass even a 10th of the kindness they’ve shown me onto others or back to them during my life it won’t be enough. I will try my best though.

I needed gas and food money to get there though, so I drove to my storage unit in Lewisville to pick up a speaker cab to try and pawn for money. It’s a Mesa Boogie Powerhouse Road-ready 4×10 600w bass cabinet that goes for about $1500 brand new. I didn’t anticipate having an issue being able to sell it for, at the very least, 1/3rd that amount. It would pan out that I wouldn’t receive an offer more than $150 dollars that day, after trying 7 or 8 different pawn shops, 3 different music stores, and even the capitalist nightmare that is Guitar Center. No, I didn’t sell the cab. I brought it with me to Waco to try and sell here, because I have no income and I have bill collectors calling me every day. Luckily, my parents offered to give me my 666mas money early. I have $1 left, to my name. IT WAS SO FUCKING WORTH IT.

I made it to Houston yesterday morning, offered to be a designated driver for the crew since I don’t drink, let them get wild. I got to mosh to Daughters, whom I haven’t seen live since I was 12-14 years old. My mind was blown WIDE OPEN by Oneohtrix Point Never and Aphex Twin, and all the art installations they had going on. I could really go on and on about the experience. What a day. One of the best days/experiences of my life by far. There’s this weird nagging depressive voice in my head that wishes it didn’t take something so elaborate to feel good about life, but fuck it, I felt good about life yesterday. That feeling does not happen often for me at all. Whatever works, I guess. Yesterday holds a very special place in my heart right now, and I am going to hold on to that feeling as long as I can. I dunno what else to do.

I’ve gone through twenty nine rotations around our tiny sun now, in this eternal now, or whatever the fuck this existence is, and yesterday I had a ton of fun.

Do you think Little Caesar is a cuck?

Also, should I make mumble rap under the moniker Ol Lil Yung Cuck?

If you aren’t aware of Oneohtrix Point Never, I highly suggest checking it out. Also, here are some of the albums I listened to while driving all over Texas this weekend.

Macronympha “Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania”

Today, actually, Nathan was telling me about this album, and I’ve heard about it from Joe Roemer’s list of 100 Essential Noise Releases, but hadn’t heard it yet. After I dropped them off at Day For Night today before making my way back to Waco, I stopped at Vinal Edge in Houston to see if they had anything by Oneohtrix Point Never in stock, because they didn’t have merch at D4N. Vinal Edge didn’t have any OPN, but they did have this CD, for $6, so I bought it. Even with Nathan telling me he’d rank it at one of the top 3 noise releases of all time, it exceeded my expectations. This album really is one of the best harsh cut up albums I’ve ever heard.

Ben Bennett & John Collins McCormick “Pluperfect” Eh? Records, Listen

Talk to me about music for 5 minutes and I’ll probably talk in an extremely reverent manner about Ben Bennett. One of my favorite soundicians. Everything he releases is fantastic!

Alfred 23 Harth “Kepler 452b Edition” Kendra Steiner Editions, Read about it here

This album is really sick, and all over the place. One minute it’s hip hop beats, the next it’s harsh cut up, and a ton of weird nooks and crannies in between and outside of those reference points.

Aube “Millenium – Februarius” Armonika, More info Here

I found this to be a very pleasant listening experience. It’s pretty calm, loopy, you can look away from your stereo for 2 seconds and it will be 10 tracks later all of the sudden it seems.

Henry Mallard / Тиффани / I’Eternal / Scorpion Sound Source “Bleeding Records Part 1” Pennsylvanian Hypno-Center, Listen

This album is a great exploration of harsher sides of noise, but not lacking in dynamics, or diversity, amongst the tracks. It explains that Henry Mallard sent the first track to the second artist, to be remixed and sent to the next artist, and so on and so forth. I’m pretty interested in how some of them came up with such different tones and textures using the previous tracks.

Machine Gun “Pass The Ammo” More Info

If you’re into Last Exit, the band with Peter Brötzmann, you’d probably love this album. Tons of skronk on the sax, a very Rock core to the improvising from the drummer, goofy cover art and all, this album is bad ass.

Visiting Hours

Motherfucker. I was paid a visit by my best friend who killed himself in my dream last night. It was very, very vivid, and just like spending time with him before. I woke up and immediately started sobbing uncontrollably, aside from the comfort that the dream had given me. Damn this waking consciousness. I wish I could be with Brad forever. Maybe I will be, in just intermittent moments of joy split apart by seemingly eternal moments of suffering.

God damn.

I can’t remember how the dream started. It took place more in my teen years, or my consciousness now was placed in a spot that is nightmarishly similar to my teen years. I was back in my parent’s house in Midlothian, TX, where Brad and I grew up, and did just about everything with one another. In the dream, we tripped on dextromethorphan which was something we used to trip on together. In the midst of this trip, our neighbors needed to borrow my amplifiers and speaker cabs to play music for their daughter’s Quinceañera. So, Brad and I were panicking that we may not finish hauling cabs over to their house before the dxm kicked in. This is particularly funny, because one of the times we tripped on dxm in the past, we were coerced into helping family members move, and had to move couches and shit while not functioning correctly. It had to be so obvious to those around us at that time that we weren’t doing so hot.

This dream seemed to be filled with pre-schizo Brad. I just remember having vivid visuals sitting in my room, like we used to, just tripping and hanging out, laughing and having a great time. In the dream we even crashed after the trip, in my room, and didn’t wake up until 3pm the next day, in the dream. I don’t remember any dreams within dreams aside from some hysterical, from-the-belly laughter. I have buried that laughter deep within it seems, it almost never comes out anymore while I am awake.

At one point, Brad looked in my eyes, motioned with his hand for me to keep looking in his eyes while he then motioned with his hand that his heart was with me, and he said, “I wrote this book, you know what to do.” To which I replied, “I wrote it too.”

I’m not exactly sure what to make of it. I am extremely anxious right now, waiting for my new anxiety meds to kick in. I had to get this out there while I remembered it.

Tell someone you love that you love them right now, please.