March 23, 2017

Howdy howdy fellow followers ov void, here giving an update on what has been helping this troubled soul through all of this mess since the 13th of March, and things that could potentially help you too, especially if you found this by searching something out on google, or a friend told you, or you’re one of my friends, whatever the case, I hope this update finds you some semblance of well. Your Princess loves you! ❤

Welcome To Night Vale, podcast, ongoing

—-Thank you Kelly for pointing me in the direction of this podcast. There are a lot of very clever moments in these ongoing stories, fairly intricate character development, the oddest advertisements aside from the fairly straight forward ones at the beginning and ends of the podcasts, lots of jokes about existential dread; something I can deeply relate to, lots of occult oddities going on in the town of Nightvale, and listening to these podcasts has made me burst out laughing on numerous occasions to be met by my coworkers with questions as to what is so funny, and me not explaining myself. I don’t owe them anything, and if I could get old woman Josie’s angels to do away with them I would.

The Mighty Boosh, tv show

—-Kelly also pointed me in the direction of this very funny show. Thank you again! I’m not very far into the show, but I am enjoying it a lot, and I am being told that it just gets funnier as it goes along. Quality time passer.

Jason Evil is an artist that has been active for over 20 years, and is now living in Wisconsin. His art is available by mail order only, and his art is very bad ass. As well as his self professed Doom Truth Spoken Word which I originally stumbled across through some various compilations that I have acquired over the years from Trashfuck Records. Not afraid to speak his mind, not afraid of letting his misanthropic viewpoints known is something I highly admire. It is actually quite refreshing for me to hear someone speak about things like they are. Brutal realism will always come before comfort for me. There is a lot that can be learned through having one’s thoughts provoked. “I hate people, what part of that don’t you understand.”

Tri Geamikoj “H” Kikyuu Records KYUU-01, CD, 2017

—-I love these geamikoj. Some of the most pleasant interactions of my life have involved Karl Roehling, Chase Gardner, and Beth Dodds. These recordings are super good. I would think that even if I disliked these folks, but I don’t and maybe that makes me like it more, but I don’t care, I’d say that objectively, their brilliance shines on even the darkest shadows in these recordings. At times humorous, other times wacky, Beth is one of the best percussionists in the world, mark my words, and Karl hasn’t been playing Sax all that long but somehow he’s already taught himself to circular breathe and squeal and is quite talented, and Chase’s control over the art of the No-Input Mixing Board is very on point, the three of them combining these things as well as vocals makes for a very magickal recording. This is a very solid first release for Chase’s new founded Kikyuu Records, and I look forward to whatever may come next.

The Residents: American Composer Series – Volume 1 “George & James” East Side Digital ESD 81482, CD, 2000, originally released by Ralph Records in 1984

—-The George Gershwin pieces on this are executed quite beautifully, but I actually don’t know how the original pieces sound. So, I have no basis for comparison. Very weird and strange, always a good thing. The James Brown tracks are also very weird, and amazing, and I am somewhat familiar with the original songs and can hear them in this, but also can see how they’re mutilating the tracks, interpreting parts on keys and synths instead of the more traditional funk approach. This album rules.

Controlled Bleeding “Penetration” Third Mind Records TMD 9165, CD, 1992

—-Paul Lemos on guitars, keys, drums, electronics and vocals, Chris Moriarty on keys, drums, electronics, percussion and vocals, Joe Papa on percussion, tapes and vocals, Bill Pollack on rhythm guitars on “Blessed is the Burning Room” and Bill Schick on guitar solo on “Blessed…”. “Searching For The Answers In This Rotten World Of Filth!!” This album is a banger, as is everything CB has released!

Mr. Dorgon Vs. Greg Kelley “Three Occasions” Autodoprotto, CD, 2006

—-This is something I picked up out of the back closet in the Arlington CD Warehouse simply because Greg Kelley is involved, one of my favorite musicians, and this CD delivers a very odd loop based series of sounds that are very texturally details, lots of little subtitles amidst the rhythmic pulses. Really awesome and very trance inducing. I couldn’t find this online, but I am sure if you’re aware of Greg Kelley, and into what he’s done, that if you sought a copy of this out you wouldn’t be disappointed.
21Mar: I was moving to new house, I felt like I never take in art, there was a guy rapping on side of a hill, someone started being abusive to me, telling me I should just be happy, I started walking down the street crying, someone i thought was my dad but didnt look at all like my dad was sitting in the passenger seat of the car; turned down the wrong way on the street, sleep paralysis while curtains were on fire, I was scolded for not getting up and putting out the fire, I walked down the street and was gonna kill myself, I crawled down in construction site full of machinery and rusted metals, got into a digging machine and was dumped out on higher ground, kids started asking me what is wrong, found my military medical records somewhere

Steven Jesse Bernstein “Prison” Sub-Pop SP101B, CD, 1992

—-My friend Bryan turned me onto SJB under the pretense that he hates most poetry, aside from Burroughs and SJB, who happened to be friends. I was also told about SJB’s suicide wherein he stabbed himself in the throat. I only had to check one or two tracks out online before I decided to order this CD off of Discogs. “I like to think when something disturbs me that it is important”, “I don’t like parties” so many quotable phrases. ‘Prison’ was described as 1000% Bad Assery, if I remember correctly. And yeah, that is very accurate. “Will we be forever lost to each other?”

(A)sex “Forced” Fusty Cunt FUC 167, tape, 2017

—-This one comes crawling in, in its grotesque form, sprawling and angular blasts of feedback and crunch coming in with all their textural glory. Having been fortunate enough to get to know Mitchell Rotunno and work with him, and dive into his various projects, he really does a masterful job with his hardware, as I listen to this I can see him slamming his hands down into pedals and thrashing about in my head. Mitchell is the real deal, he works at an assisted living facility with patients dealing with dementia; and that kind of rawness, and brutal reality definitely seeps its way into his work. Fucking amazing and devastating.

Paul Thomas Anderson’s “Magnolia” film, 1999

—-As part of both a newly founded tradition of movie Mondays and the insurmountable list of things to take in as a member of the Loathsome Semen Club, I just watched this for the first time. Loved it, as I have loved everything i’ve seen by PTA.

“Lucifer Rising” short film by director Kenneth Anger. Completed in 1972, the film was only widely distributed in 1980. In the late 1970s, with the permission of the prison, Bobby Beausoleil composed and recorded the soundtrack.

—-As part of the ongoing and insurmountable list of things to take in as part of the Loathsome Semen Club, we’ve decided to take in as many works by Anger as we can. This film is fantastic, as well as the score. Every scene is beautifully shot, and I can only imagine how much work went into splicing and editing the shots. Fucking awesome.

The Hafler Trio “Seven Hours Sleep” Korm Plastics Paragraph 9, Subsection 5.7, Definitive remastered reissue of this album, originally released in 1985 by L.A.Y.L.A.H. Packaged in a large card and glassine paper wallet with a 28 page booklet. Copies ordered direct from the label came with a Seven Hours Sleep pin., 2006

—-It’s pretty crazy that something this far outré came out in 1985, way ahead of its time. Ultra weird, ambience sometimes cut off by stark contrasts, field recordings and who knows what else. The packaging this is in is incredibly gorgeous and the passages printed inside make a complimentary reading/listening experience quite immersive. I couldn’t find this one online, but this, like everything by The Hafler Trio, is amazing.

Illusion of Safety “Historical” CD, in leather pouch, stamped 474, limited to 500 copies, Staalplaat STCD 044, 1991

—-“Use Volume With Caution” This album is real intense. Samples of people recounting being tortured and detained, recounting very gruesome things “My children’s bones were broken. They said it would continue until I confessed crimes against the government, but I invented things to save my family, they said I was lying.” Sonically it’s very difficult to pigeonhole, it goes from cut up sections, to harsh blasts, to dark ambient sections, heavy metal and industrial sections. This is a disasterpiece. It originally included a .22 round going through the hole in the center of the packaging, but I got this second-hand without one,,,but I could always get a .22 round from someone and put it there myself thus making my life an insignificant amount more complete.
Mar19: There was a swat team that detained me, put me in handcuffs, said I was wanted for murder, and somehow I escaped the handcuffs and ran off down a field and into this clocktower looking place where I was climbing up and away from the police, and somehow I ended up in a dim lit warehouse looking area and had someone with me all the sudden, and we climbed into these spaces beneath some piping, into some small air duct looking areas, one of which had a lot of cleaning supplies in it, and we got to a vantage point where we could see the police shining their lights around looking for us, some of them were rappelling up the walls

Harvey Milk’s “Life…The Best Game In Town” CD, (2008) and “Special Wishes” CD, 2006

—-I really fucking love Harvey Milk and have listened to their albums hundreds of times each. “Life is the best game in town and death goes to the winner!!” “And wouldn’t you agree about that famous tree? If no one was around, it didn’t fall at all. And I couldn’t even care if someone happened there, and it fell and crushed them all, all down!!”

Melvins “Stoner Witch” CD, 1994

—-What could I possibly say about this that hasn’t been said for the last 23 years? I’m a pretty big fan of Melvins, I own a lot of their releases, I’ve seen em live more times than I can count on one hand, awesome band.

Aesop Rock “Labor Days” CD, 2001

—-I’ve been listening to this since not long after it came out. I have still been unable to memorize a song from beginning to end, and I still catch lines of verse I have previously missed. A master lyricist.

Psyopus “Ideas of Reference” CD, 2004

—-This is one of my favorite technica metal bands, Arpmandude and team fucking shred in a way that’s very pleasing to me.

Mar18: I was in some jam space type area, and was upset at a bunch of people for throwing a gathering in my jam space, but then my friend informed me that they moved in there and somehow that made everything alright, and I was embarrassed for getting upset. This girl got upset because her chocolate muffin was missing, and this other girl had a box of chocolate muffins and gave me one to give to her to make her feel better. I was rehearsing some noise music when a guitar player wanted to join in, but I told him I didn’t think we’d be a good sonic fit with each other, as he played some regular ass red hot chili peppers sounding shit. One of the people in my jam space stated to me they were thankful they weren’t sharing the same space with people suffering from PTSD, and I told him that I was and he got embarrassed for expressing himself and a girl with him scolded him for being insensitive, and she started asking me about treatment, and I told her that it wasn’t really helping and she started laughing at me, and I began to cry. I started developing these weird multiple personalities, where I could visually see myself from the third person, start spreading into these trailed quadrupled versions of myself making four different decisions and then choose which of the four to actually proceed with, making the other three disappear before another series of decisions were made, and this split self kept morphing around like that into some movie theater, where on the screen was some instructions for the singularity and eventual evolving of humankind into this biological monstrosity we are all going to be born into, that resembles some of the most grotesque things I’ve ever seen, it was bloody, it was covered in sores and pus and hair grew out of it in weird places and it was also splitting into these multiple sections and morphing in on itself, I was horrified as I started feeling myself become this thing, it was painful, and full of anxiety. I would bounce back and forth from the movie theater and the screen and being in the screen as if millions of miles away from any movie theater, and it was as if these visions were doing this to all of us that were in the theater, certain scenes in the film engulfed us in the becoming one with this nasty beast.

Mauricio Kagel’s “Blue’s Blue: Eine musikethnologische Rekonstruktion für vier Musiker” Video, 1981 & “MM 51 / Nosferatu”, 1983

First of all, mind blown. It appears that Kagel took some recordings of John Blue, and turned listening to them into a very ahead of its time composition, involving four musicians, seemingly living their lives, playing their instruments at different times at first, Theodor Ross stops and begins washing his hands, then resumes guitar playing, Kagel is singing into a glass, Jean-François Jenny-Clark rolls out of bed and picks up a doublebass, Michel Portal sits on the couch playing clarinet, trains passing and join in on the soundtrack, fans blowing in the room, brilliant! Then on ‘MM 51’ the first go around is X playing a brilliant through composed piece for piano, to a ticking metronome that sometimes stops, and at points he laughs very maniacally, and the second go around it’s (i think) a different through composition (again for piano) while a screening of Murnau’s ‘Nosferatu’ is playing, perfectly going with the silent film. Thanks to my friend Bryan for pointing me in this direction by sending me a burned copy of these on DVD.

The Drama of Trauma, Museum of Death zine in the False Crime/Eye Violence by PTD/Head Destroyer

—-This one has some real sick poetry in it, as well as pretty detailed information about a Museum of Death in NOLA that is advertised through word of mouth only, so as to reach the right people, and by golly I wanna go real bad now. It also features kick ass drawings themed around different serial killers, Henry Lee Lucas, Ottis Toole, Richard Ramirez and John Wayne Gacy. Fucking awesome.

Fire Island, ak / M Kitchell split tape, “For Antonio” Fuck Mtn. Label Records, FMLR-10, 2014

—-Side A features FI, ak, entitled ‘Maneuvers (for Antonio) and inside the j-card is a pair of dates, ‘1985-2011’ and features what appears to be a poem by Antonio Urdiales, ‘Life is making up the practice of the daylight hours, life is taken up by so much time dreaming, making similar to our dreams a real world is another half of what this life comprises of’, credited as being written in 2010, and entitled “The Need For Sleep”, I didn’t have to search very hard to find some very kind words about Antonio, “Yesterday I lost a beloved friend to complications caused by HIV. He was a brilliant artist, liver of life, great joker, and more brilliant and talented than anyone I have ever met. We used to send each other links to items on 1st Dibs–he would send me couture YSL and Balenciaga and I would send him doll head molds from the 1800s and strange instruments of potential torture, and the occasional vintage Margiela piece. And we would rave over each other’s choices. Today, all of my posts are dedicated to Antonio Urdiales.” was written on a tumblr account ‘ruggedandfancy-blog’ and I found a couple collections of Antonio’s music here. The sounds on this tape by Fire Island, ak, are brooding, creepy and dark, subtle rhythmic pulses under lo-fi hissing and crackling, seems very fitting for a time of mourning. There is also what sounds like some flogging going on, and moaning, which sounds almost celebratory, It becomes apparent that Anthony was involved in BDSM. I can feel the pain, loss, nostalgia, and grim beauty in all these sounds combined, and it is helping me feel less alone. On M Kitchell’s side, ‘A Different Form of Impossible Pain’, there are more tasteful and brooding drone sections, as the waves shift in and out of one another, slowly decay and build again, gorgeous chords come in and are slowly pitch shifting in a dreamy fashion, there seems to be a sample of Antonio talking, from what I gather about him being from Alabama, and the person talking about trying to make up for all the cock they weren’t getting in Alabama by utilizing money they saved up to spend 7 months getting gang fucked every day, saving up money to totally destroy their self, “so much cock, mmmmm”, Antonio says, “it’s okay though, don’t tell anyone, I’m destructive.” Melodic passages come in, haunting and layered with more samples of Antonio talking, now much harder to decipher what’s being said, but that cuts away before the more clear samples of him talking come in, “the stuffed animal obsession, disco balls, the bare backing, submission, the poetry, you know” and then more mournful and nostalgic harmony and melody, my deepest condolences to everyone who’s lives were touched by Antonio. Brilliant homage in the form of a c30.

Straight Panic “Homo Will Not Inherit” Fusty Cunt FUC163, tape, 2017

—-This is my introduction to the work of SP, for shame, somehow I started following him on instagram, and would catch little tidbits here and there, and have been broke for a while, and then I saw that Fusty batch included a new recording by SP, but by the time I got funds for it, the SP had sold out, but then I found out I could cop one directly from SP, and it’s here, in all its brutal glory. Grotesque drones melting and oozing through the speakers, the bigots in every filthy shop in the streets, HOMO WILL NOT INHERIT, printed on a sheet of paper that accompanies the tape, very raw and poetic and I can’t tell if it’s the lyrics for the vocals on Side B, or poetry, but the emotional screams and range of tortured vocals definitely match the mood of this poetry, though I did catch him saying HOMO WILL NOT INHERIT towards the end so maybe these are lyrics, does it matter? i think the overall message this work seems to be conveying matters a great deal more, samples that question nonviolent disobedience’s efficacy, thunderous booms of brooding madness over the stupidity of most humans, it’s very difficult to not feel like there is no hope for humanity, the way we treat each other, the way we treat the planet, this album is a perfect soundtrack to all of that. It’s dark and heavy as fuck power electronics.

I Like You Go Home “Feathered In A Nest” Breaching Static BS82, CDr, 2017

—-This doesn’t take long to go into full on harsh-junk-abuse overkill, and it’s fucking amazing. It does have some really tasteful toned down, creeping bits as well. Described at the BS blogspot as, “For this full length, ILYGH holds nothing back displaying 7 tracks of blistering harsh noise. If your looking for an ILYGH release with pretty guitar parts and smooth ambiance, this is not for you. This shit is heavy!” I concur, this shit is heavy.

Culled “III” Breaching Static BS79, CDr, 2017

—-in a dense forest, being hunted by land-sharks, every step must be careful, oscillating anxieties swarm your being, you want to run but you know they’ll hear you, maddening hallucinations surround you, facilitating deafening emptiness, crackling, spewing forth, unrecognizable. Dark ambience, drones, shifting harsh textures, mutilated loops, and more create a wonderful and dark listening experience on this album.
Mar16: I was hanging with an old acquaintance, C.H., in some home that another old acquaintance, B.Y., was living in a car outside of. B. was bragging to us about how he liked to hot box his car with cigarette’s, and C. was complaining about how bad B. smelled all the time, B. was looking like he never showered or changed clothes. At some other point we were in a restaurant that was super expensive. The appetizers were $20 each, and I tried to convince the people I was with to go to another restaurant. I only recall one statement someone made, about how we’d all just suffer like people in England did in the 1800’s.

Human Fluid Rot and Boar split CDr on Breaching Static BS80, 2017

—-Two of the heaviest in the harsh realm, two slabs by HFR’s Robert Wilson Brantley III, and two slabs by Boar’s Alex Nowacki. Fucking awesome thirty minute dose of quality harsh.

Skin Graft “Condition” No Rent Records NRR45, tape, 2017

—-First I’d like to note the two sides of this tape are marked Side Fuck and Side You, and secondly I’d like to note that listening to this tape is like being mind fucked, which is fitting. I only own a few things by Skin Graft, Wyatt Howland’s grotesque and mutilated soundchild, but everything I’ve heard is fucking awesome. Harsh and heavy.

—-Ben Bennett is by far one of my favorite people on the planet, and sadly I am having to miss his first Texas performances. My friend Chase pointed me in the direction of this performance, which I was previously unaware of. It’s actually quite brilliant, as is everything Ben has done. Somehow he’s become internet famous for his Sit and Smile videos on Youtube, where he sits and smiles for four hours at a time. If only half of those people knew how great of a percussionist, sound magician he is, and took in a lot of the messages he sends out in the form of song titles, or how he does things like donating “All the money from this digital album will go to Living Energy Farm, a project to build a farm, community, and education center without the use of fossil fuels or electronic media. More info at”, Here. I am convinced that if more people had half the heart he has that the world could be a better place.

PCRV “Contemporary Processing” Breaching Static BS78, CDr, 2016

—-Pop Culture Rape Victim’s most recent release as far as I know, and my introduction to the work aside from some things I’ve heard on the PCRV soundcloud. There’s a use of haunting and tastful melodies to parts in this that stick out for me as one of the more unexpected elements, layered with sputtering and morphing, mutilated synth textures that are often different in each channel. There seems to be a clear compositional approach to these pieces, they build and sneak up on you, creep around and then turn into all out harsh assaults at times. Overall it’s a very bad ass release.

Ana-Maria Avram and Iancu Dumitrescu “Live In London (I)” Edition Modern ED.MN.1026, CD, 2008 & “Electronic Music” Edition Modern ED.MN.1029, CD, 2013

—-Dumitrescu and Avram have been blowing my mind now for several years. I highly recommend checking out anything you can find by them if you’re into extreme sonic exploration of any kind, it almost doesn’t get any better. These albums are insanely good. ‘Live In London’ features 3 compositions by each composer, pretty close to equaling the same duration as one another, totaling nearly 80 minutes of masterful compositions for losing oneself in, and being surprised when it’s over and you’re back again. ‘Live In London’  features Tim Hodgkinson (clarient, bass clarinet), Gustavo Aguilar (percussion), Hyperion Ensemble and IO String Quartet: Christina McGann and Stephen Miahky (violins), Elizabeth Weisser, and Ioan-Marius Lacraru (violas), Christopher Gross, Andrei Kivu, Viorica Nagy, and Vasile Comsa (cello), Vladimir Silaev, Felipe Canales (doublebasses), Petru Teodorescu, Vasile Nedelcu (Percussion), Matei Teodorescu, Constantinn Urziceanu (clarinets), Orban Gödri (bassoon), Tiberiu Cenuser, Victor Arsene (trombones). ‘Electronic Music’ is some unholy-grail-of-forward-thinking-computer-noise-insanity type shit. Thoroughly mangled tones and textures, nightmare hues and horror colors, huge peaks and valleys, strange progressions, odd attacks and witherings, fucking phenomenal sounds as always by the Romanian rednow-composers Dumitrescu and Avram.

Koufar “When The Last One Leaves” Fusty Cunt 163, tape, 2017

—-This is my introduction to Koufar, a project by Mackenzie Chami. It’s got this ultra devastating feel to it, strange samples, more straight forward samples, samples of what sounds like cities being bombed and people screaming, deep synths, screams, some rather pretty singing samples, overall this is a very incredible Power Electronics album. I found an interview Mackenzie did here, and having this information makes listening to this tape all that much more intense. “This is where things get fun. My message is political, ideological, and personal all at the same time. I do not personally believe in every last thing that I present or yell about, however. I like to stick to the “unsafe” side of power electronics when it comes to presentation because therein lies the true power in creating Power Electronics or Industrial music. Earlier in the history of the project, it was me telling a twisted, one-sided view of the Maronites, as well as my story of the history of Lebanon. It’s not so much the ideology with the project that gives me strength but more so with being a proud Lebanese man. It is my pride that gives me strength within this project.”

Arca “Xen” Mute 9613-2, 2014

—-I’m late to the Arca game. I’ve only been taking in their sounds for the last 3 months or so, and it didn’t take long to become some of my favorite beat driven electronic music, it’s sculpted so masterfully, and it’s so beautiful. This album is amazing, and the visual artwork by Jesse Kanda in the booklet is a perfect accompaniment to the sounds.

Pyramid Dust “Decaying Future” Breaching Static BS81, 2017

—-Described at BS as “A collaborative project between Alex Nowacki from Boar, and Patrick Gilligan from I Like You Go Home, Harsh noise abuse meets dark drones meets structured ambiance” and it’s really great, very dense lows and crunches and crisp highs, it flows very beautifully and is haunting. Love it.

Peter Evans, Sam Pluta, and Jim Altieri “Sum and Difference” Carrier Records 006, CD, 2011

—-This is a fantastic slab of electroacoustic exploration, that I picked up because of recognizing Sam Pluta and Peter Evans, and is my introduction to Jim Altieri. Peter Evans is quite an amazing trumpet player, and utilizes extended techniques in a very mesmerizing way, Sam Pluta’s electronic implementations are also quite diverse and mesmerizing; and I assume that Jim Altieri is playing strings, but everything on this album is obscured and weaves and pulsates, sputters and streams down an amazing outré river of sound.
Mar15: flew to Oregon to file VA claim, tried to park car outside of the airport, some rude person kept walking in front of the car and refused to move, I got out of the car to confront them and she turned out to be the VA agent in charge of claims, she then kept asking me about my traumatic experiences, and I started crying and then experienced a flashback, the same experience I always seem to flashback to, to watching a detainee get their throat slit in front of me and watching him spasm out on the ground, kind of frozen and in shock (having a flashback to the same experience, as if I were there again, as if I never left, i hate my brain sometimes, it’s so fucked up, it makes me question the linearity of time, it makes me unsure I am even ever really in the now, it fucks up my entire outlook on life, i feel so fucking cursed), after the flashback I was back talking to the VA agent in Oregon and she was being very unhelpful, I ended up deciding to fly back to Texas and file it there instead, somehow landed in San Antonio instead of Dallas, the same claim person followed me, put some spell on me where more I tried to get away the more wrapped up I became, I couldn’t even leave the airport and she seemed to be feeding off of my hurting soul, the more pain I was in the more powerful she became and the less I could move.

Deterge “Unintentional” Fusty Cunt 154, tape, 2017

—-Self described as “loop process harsh noise based around mathematically coded computer crashing errors” seems to be a fitting description. The results are quite disorienting. Fucking awesome. I can’t seem to find a preview of this online, but if Fusty has any more available it is well worth acquiring.

The Ebony Tower “Remembrance Of Things Past: An Interpretation in 42 Parts; Dedicated to Marcel Proust” 42xCD limited box set, signed, edition 2/10, 2016.

—-So, this is one of the most impressive releases that I own, and I haven’t even scratched the surface of it really. Things got all hectic in my life the last time I tried diving through this, so I’ve recently started over. This is a 42 disc box set, each disc in an hour HNW with various paintings printed on each disc, in 7 DVD size cases with 6 discs in each for the 7 different novels in Proust’s “Remembrance of Things Past.” I am very lucky to know Mitchell, and have spent time with him. He was nice enough to give me a copy of ‘Swann’s Way’. I have divided the number of pages in ‘Swann’s Way’ by 6, and plan on reading each segment with the corresponding disc on repeat, until I have made it to the next sixth, repeat until I have read all 7 novels split into 6 parts each. In subsequent mentions of my progress in doing this, I will be breaking it down into thoughts of each particular disc, about the painting chosen to be on that disc, and about what I’ve read in that sixth of the book, pictures of lines I felt extra special, and who knows where else this amazing and arduous reading expedition will bring me and captivate me to write about in other ways as well. I’m writing this after finishing the first sixth of ‘Swann’s Way’. The Painting on this disc is ‘The Cenotaph of Jean-Jacques Rousseau in the Tuileries, Paris’, by Hubert Robert, 1794. This painting is gorgeous. The writing of Proust, so far, is very gorgeous. The way he can take some seemingly mundane experiences as drinking tea, or how he felt about a ritiual him and his mother had before he went to sleep as a child, in particular during instances where it didn’t happen due to guests, and can elaborate upon these things in such beautiful detail, in such a poetic way, is really quite a joy to read. The HNW of disc one is completely static and unchanging for an entire hour. I listened to it 3 times to make it through 62 pages. It’s quite meditative and actually helps me block out all outside noise and really dive deep into this writing. I love it a lot. Some words I learned:

Disc 2: Procession In The Piazza San Marco, Gentile Bellini, 1494

—-I’m still finding myself quite enveloped in this book. So lovely, and the second disc’s soundtrack makes for a beautifully heightened sensing of these passages.

14mar: i was in some rock cover contest with old metalhead friends, we were embarrassingly unprepared, we were trying to learn the songs day of, one of the songs was some Misfits song they were all super fond of, and I was the only one who didn’t know how to play it, and I kept asking people what the name of it was so I could listen to it on youtube and learn the drum parts. After realising how hopeless this endeavor was, I suggested we just improvise, the five of us, my old friend Brad was one of us, it’s always good to see him in dreams. He was using some handheld program, that seemed to be kind of like a smart phone, except specifically for noise, the functions were controlled by finger swipes which altered the geometric proportions visible on the screen in similar ways to how the sounds produced from it sounded. During improvising I picked up a cymbal stand and started swinging it back and forth into the ground. At some other point I remember one of my old friends saying that covering the Misfits song will get our dicks sucked. I remember thinking that this was a ridiculous reason to cover a song. At some other point we were all throwing cheese at each other.

Werner Herzog’s “Aguirre, der Zorn Gottes”, film, 1972

—-As part of the Loathsome Semen Club’s insurmountable list of things to check out, this is the first film I’ve seen by Werner Herzog. It is quite stunning. Filmed on location in the Amazon. A beautiful soundtrack by the Krautrock band Popol Vuh. I love it.

13may: I was in a shed of some sort, painting the ground (for some reason it had no floor) with drum sticks dipped in paint, and the owner of the house came in on me and wasn’t upset, she wanted to pay me to finish the floor. So i went to the stoor, which was a garage of people working on cars, to buy paint, and the lady there recommended I build a floor first, so it would be more professional. Somehow a floor appeared that was like a water bed made of wood, it was all small pieces grooved together to shift as you stepped on it, causing the parts around where you stepped to rise around your foot as your foot pressed down. It was painted really awesome colors, that were all splattered around. At some point I was making out with some woman, while someone I percieved as my girlfriend watched from across the room, and my girlfriend got real angry at this even though we were supposed to be polyamorous. At some other point I was in a stall in a bathroom, and was being questioned by a janitor as to who left a glock in the next stall over, as if I was supposed to keep track of who all used the restroom that day.

Ehnahre “Nothing and Nothingness” bandcamp, 2016

—-This outfit just keeps getting more and more dark, more depraved, more hopeless sounding, more dreadful. From a band that started out really fucked up sounding, the fact that they keep pushing the boundaries is quite astonishing. Ryan McGuire is the sole member, and I assume the main songwriter in all of their output, and is the one doing extremely dreadful lead vocals, and on this release, contrabass and electric bass. This also features Rich Chowenhill on guitar, Ricardo Donoso on percussion, Jared Redmond on piano, and Galeb Kanasevich on clarinet. These two tracks are expert through-compositions into the field of extreme torment, agonizing dismay, utter despondency, and then some. Metal doesn’t really get darker than this, but this isn’t really metal, the bandcamp may have metal in the URL but it’s not metal any more, it’s way beyond that. It’s fucking terrifying. It’s the worst things that can happen, happening again and again, relentless assault on the mind, a trauma you cannot recover from. This is the soundtrack to the lowest one can feel, a low many don’t climb out of. This is horrifying reality, in sonic form.

Mr. Brain Sander “craigslist” Anti-Everything ae56, Tape, 2009, about

—-This is a project by Bryan Lewis Saunders, a pseudonym he sometimes uses. It seems to be paraphrased and hyper-recited wanted ads from craigslist for lots of different kinds of sex and sex acts, cuckolding to cum sucking, euro teens to model pussy, big black boobs, ballbusting, toe kissing, swinger sex, throat fucking, teen red head group sex, I don’t want to spoil all of it. The atmosphere of the noise created by Head Molt on side A is very anxiety ridden and perfectly accompanies the intense spoken delivery. The sonic and spoken-word equivalent of a crazed sex drive, and hitting up Craigslist in hopes of obtaining sexual gratification. “Come One Come All Cum Dumpster Wanted!” Following the rant comes a series of synth destruction pieces that perfectly wrap up Side A. Side B comes in with some sample off of what sounds like a trailer for a kids movie, and with a dance beat by Toecutter, “There’s something waiting for you when you get home.” The same spoken word segment from Side A comes in, which is really interesting. Side A almost sounds like it might be hating on promiscuity, while Side B sounds all about it, when really it’s just Bryan reciting these ads he wrote, and no real stance is made, it is very open to interpretation, and assuming what is meant would say more about the person doing the assuming than it would anything else. I could actually see Side B playing at a party and everyone getting down to it. It might be the perfect track to incite an orgy. Fucking awesome tape, and it’s up to you to determine if that’s a pejorative use or complimentary use of a profanity.

Much love!


March 13th, 2017

Howdy followers ov tha v(((o)))id.  I have entered into a new stage of treatment. It’s called a work therapy program, where the idea is that I will be working 40 hours a week, for the VA, doing laundry for the hospital, and will be able to continue counseling and therapy outside of that. I have begun working, and will be able to get caught up on bills. I will be here for the next 6 months at least. I have yet to see any counselors though, really. I’m hoping this will change soon. It’s difficult to find a good counselor though. I seem to be finding more solace in immersing myself in art, but realistically, I won’t always be able to do that, and still need more tools with how to manage most other instances in my life. I’m still heavily medicated, but I suppose it is helping me level out. I still feel all this stuff brewing under the surface though. I’m trying to take it one day at a time. I was able to take in quite a bit of awesome art these last 10 days. These are the things that helped me during that time:

Dario Argento’s “Phenomena” film, soundtrack by Goblin and Simon Boswell, 1985

—-I just watched this for the first time on my recent journey to watch all of Argento’s films. I really loved it. I don’t want to spoil any of it, but it’s another great Argento film.

12mar: I was riding with my mother on some highway when some real fancy looking ferrari or something was tailgating us, and I pulled my phone out to film it incase anything happened, to ease the insurance claim process. Then they got over and got in front of us and slammed on their brakes, almost causing us to run into them. Then they took off down the highway. At some other point I was in some kind of skate shop, that seemed to have copies of something by Misery Ritual on CD, for a much better price than any of the other CD’s. I seem to have been alone in the store, and felt very tired, and decided to take a nap on a couch that was there. At some other point, an old acquaintance, KR, was hanging out with me, and was telling me they were sorry for blocking my account at one time, but said they didn’t even remember doing it. I replied that I was no longer on social media and that’s why my info isn’t popping up. Then my sister showed up and told me I had to leave, even though I was homeless. She had important things to do. At some point here, I became lucid, and tried to explore the area with the same consciousness that I seem to have as I write this. This is the first lucid dream I have had in several years. At some point it turned into me having a short episode of sleep paralysis, which I was awakened from by the fire alarm going off in the building I’m in at 4am.

Deathspell Omega “Si Monvmentvm Reqvires, Circvmspice” Norma Evangelium Diaboli NED005, CD, 2004

—-and yet another installment in my ongoing revisitings of DSO’s discography, where I’m taking the time to follow along with lyrics as the compositions pummel and mesmerize me, and acknowledge that these albums have been analyzed in far greater detail in other places online, which are worth looking into if you’re into this band. They fucking rule, and this album is astonishing.

Harmony Korine’s “Gummo” film, 1997

—-I first saw this movie when I was around the age of 16, back in 2002 or 2003, still in highschool, and in some ways living a life not far removed from the lives of those depicted in the film. The film takes place is Xenia, OH, but from all I’ve learned of small-town-Amerikkka, it could very well represent many small towns in Amerikkka. I didn’t understand the movie then. I may not fully understand it now. Even in all the harrowness and emptiness, and meaninglessness there are somehow moments of beauty, but for the most part it’s an accurate representation of how lost many of us are, how horrible some of us can be, without even realizing it sometimes. I watched the film again about 10 years ago, and can’t really remember how I felt about it either of the two times I previously watched it very well, aside from knowing I felt that it was fucked up. Upon rewatching it now, with all my changes in perspective over the years, I am recognizing that I don’t feel that the characters in it are the antagonists given a lot of the awful stuff that goes on, but I have this broader sense that none of these people are to blame, more and more, I lean towards believing that we are all to blame, and also none of us are to blame. All of us that are alive right now are to blame each day we don’t try to make the world a better place. The world has been a shitty place for a very long time, so that excuses us a little bit. It’s so depressing to me that life just keeps going like this where so many of us are suffering, or causing others to suffer. This movie is a big exposé into the question it begets: what the fuck is wrong with humans and society?

Bryan Lewis Saunders “Stream of Unconscious Volume 12” Stand Up Tragedy SUT-13.12, tape, 2013

—-‘Your Excellency’ features Hopek Quirin playing bass, guitar and knives, mixed by Jacki Engelken and Quirin. ‘White-Flaf Flagpole’ features Fantom Auditory Operations which appears to be a duo of BLS and Michael Esposito, Esposito doing the composition and reverse speech phenomena “based on the research of David John Oates.” I’ve been fascinated by the work of BLS ever since I discovered it. “Celebrate the victory of life,” says unconscious Bryan, “…you should have been everywhere celebrating life…you don’t belong here anyways.” If anything were worth celebrating life over, for me one of the most important artists from any time period, diving this deep into a personal perspective of the human condition, makes it very high up on my list of things worth celebrating. It would be very difficult to find an artistic body of work more worth analyzing and celebrating over than the vast libraries of psychological digging, uncovering, filing, and compiling works of BLS. A lot of information can be found about his works at his website. “I’m just saying you need to study up before you approach us, go back home, sit down take a breath, and read your books, read the handouts, then maybe you will understand,” says unconscious Bryan. This tape is quite wonderful. Hope Quirin’s prepared guitar ambiences, clangs and drones accompany Bryan’s sleeping words quite well, it almost makes you feel like you’re in this strange allegorical/alien landscape of Bryan’s dreams with him, strolling down the thought corridors, sometimes horrified, other times confused and bewildered. A small window into Bryan’s psyche is enough to provoke one’s thoughts for weeks if not a lifetime. ‘White-Flag-Flagpole’ begins with an extended musique concréte section layered with forward and reverse spoken segments, that moves along in a disorienting fashion, before moving to the sleep speech by Bryan that may be unaccompanied by any other sounds, but seems like maybe some subtle filters were placed upon the sounds, and is also very amazing. I can’t help but be fascinated by him. It also should be noted that he’s one of the nicest and thoughtful people, and I feel extremely lucky to consider him a friend of mine. “Cut your own wrist, tyrant children, they worry me, not for their own health, but for everyone around them.” The packaging and artwork has some Rorschach looking blots going on, as well as various symbols, designed by Alice Salyer, and comes with a 14 page book that has transcriptions of the things he was saying in his sleep that you hear on the tape.

“Cult Propaganda” zine by Head Destroyer Ministries

—-Another provocative zine by TN’s Head Destroyer, Casual Hex, Eye Violence/Falsecrime, in report of 1993’s Branch Davidian fiasco that happened in Waco, TX, extrapolating reasons why it happened that I don’t want to spoil here, along with ultra sick drawings and a map of the premises. Very awesome 16 page zine, that you gotta get from him if you wanna see the rest!

Gaute Granli “Ingen Potetsekk Whatsoever” Skussmaal SKUMC02, tape, 2015

—-According to google translate, ‘Ingen Potetsekk’ translates to No Potato-sack. I was fortunate enough to play a string of shows with Gaute last year, and we rode together to the one way played in Houston. His music is weird in the best of ways. It’s very hard to pigeonhole, but I love it a ton! If you’re into very strange rock-esque music, think parts Beefheart, parts Ween, parts Residents, in some of their strangest moments, this is sort of comparable, but really GG sits in his own field of weird/avant exploration.

Merzbow & Sun Ra “Strange City” Cold Spring Recordings CSR228 CD, 2016

—-I imagine this as being the soundtrack to the ever great Le Sony’r Ra née Herman Poole Blount’s journey to the outré reaches beyond time and space, beginning on May 30th, 1993, as he crossed beyond eternity. I fucking love it.

BBC Tele-play of George Orwell’s “1984” by Rudolph Cartier, 1954

—-I was unaware until very recently that any film version of 1984 existed. I understand that there is at least one other film adaptation of the dystopian novel. This version was executed quite well in my opinion. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would recommend both this and the novel to anyone who hasn’t checked them out yet. The story which is referenced in everything from Radiohead songs, to El-P’s rhymes, and is not very unlike the world we are now living in, is extremely captivating and terrifying.

My friend, Ben, shared some interesting information with me recently. Check these out:

“Jeremy England, a 31-year-old physicist at MIT, thinks he has found the underlying physics driving the origin and evolution of life.”

There’s a piece of music I recorded about a year and a half ago before ever seeing the above TED talk or reading Jeremy England’s theories, which add some synchronistic correlations with how I view existence. It’s not easy to describe. The recording is going to come out on a split 12″ later this year. Certain experiences that I’ve had, and all the various signs seeming to point at this outside of me, have led me to believe that this entire universe is actually a decaying being, and maybe decaying is the wrong term to use. Entropy seems to add to this for me. That constant transitory state of everything spreading infinitely in all directions also adds to this for me. It all really frightens me. I feel like there aren’t many people I can talk to about these things, but the ones I do have I am very grateful for. It seems as if they don’t seem to have too many people to talk about it with either. Tons of thinkers throughout the centuries have battled with similar thoughts, questions, and beliefs, but it also seems like once you start you continue to spiral into madness. But I am told otherwise by people that I revere, so maybe there is hope yet. Yeah. So, I shared the above TED talk with my friend Kelly and she said that I’ve caused her to relapse on her TED addiction. I’ve watched quite a few in the past, as they can be quite interesting, and quite inspiring. So, here’s another I watched recently, that I chose out of random.

9Mar: I was moving into a new house with an old friend, L, and the inhabitants of the house before us were still there for some reason. They were a Mexican family. I remember seeing a tape/vinyl collection in L’s room. There was an indoor swimming pool in the house. I was swimming with some woman who began to dunk my head underwater, and although I felt like I was suffocating, I distinctly remember being able to inhale and exhale, and it occured to me that these simultaneous feelings were very odd. When I climbed out of the pool, I remember asking a member of the Mexican family if he had any ideas about what may happen after death. Then I ascended a very poorly designed spiral staircase that I kind of had to spelunk up, through very small openings, with the intent of killing myself once I got up them, and I was crying as I climbed up there. At some point L was very upset with me for not having money for rent, and was asking me why I was waiting so long to take some indoor christmas lights down.

8Mar: I remember playing a solo noise set that incorporated samples of Sarah Ruth’s vocals in it. I was also manipulating guitar feedback, at times i lost my motor skills and couldn’t climb up to taller levels of the stage. I also played bass at different times, and during soundcheck I played an amp by switching tone functions on and off and adjusting volume knobs up and down, it sounded amazing in the dream.

“Under The Skin” by Jonathan Glazer, score by Mica Levi

—-Another installation of crossing an item off the Loathesome Semen Club’s insurmountable list of things to check out! So, i’m pretty blown away by this. I’m not exactly sure how to elaborate on that, and do the film justice in a description of my feelings about it. I also don’t want to spoil it in any way. I love it. I love the soundtrack. I’m really glad I spent the evening taking it in, and definitely plan on revisiting it sometime soon.

7Mar 0330; dreamt that I was in some albertson’s or kroger type store, that had an awesome merch section in it. I tried to steal an RRRecords belt buckle that I thought was way overpriced, and got caught, but came up with a good enough excuse to not get in trouble for it. At some point this all turned into me being pinned down against my will by multiple large men, and raped. After they let me go, I ran away from the store crying, and was trying to find a tall building to jump from and kill myself.

“Public Execution” zine by Head Destroyer

—-if you’re into sick shit, ultra morbid humor/anti-humor, elaborate murder stories, and classifieds advertising that you should stop reproducing now, because you should, shouldshouldshould, and zines, you should probably do yourself a favor and lend some support over to self proclaimed “False Crime/Eye Violence, Head Destroyer” at

Dario Argento’s “Tenebrae”, film, 1982, soundtrack by Claudio Simonetti, Fabio Pignatelli, and Massimo Morante of Goblin fame

—-Thoroughly enjoyed this film, and the use of red herrings, the gory scenes, twisting storyline, and dug the soundtrack as well. Trying to take in more giallo films as a part of the Lothesome Semen Club, so now I can strike this one off the insurmountable list.

4:19am, 6Mar2017: another visit from Brad, and the Gonzalez family. Brad did something to upset Aaron, and was forced into this room that was lifted high up above the ground. This made it where there was no safe way down. At some point it became me up there, and I decided to jump headfirst, so it would kill me. There were some kind of games being played. Dennis was playing some sort of stringed instrument. I can’t remember what Stefan was up to. We were rehearsing for something.

“The Nightmare” Rodney Ascher, film, soundtrack by Jonathan Snipes, 2015

—-Thank you Kelly for pointing me in the direction of this film as part of the Loathesome Semen Club. This is a documentary about the phenomenon of sleep paralysis. I’ve experienced this first hand more times than I can remember. It’s interesting to see a documentary about it. The soundtrack by Jonathan Snipes of Clipping is also very on point. I can remember being asleep in the back of my parent’s car as a small child and experiencing this, I remember seeing pretty monstrous shit, quite different from what the movie describes in some instances and very similar in others. It seems to happen pretty often. Except now I’m prescribed medicine for my nightmares, because if I’m not having sleep paralysis I’m having flashbacks to military experiences, or dreams of killing myself or killing others, and every now and then I suppose pretty “normal” dreams of processing subconscious things. I’ve been trying to convince myself to keep a dream log, partially influenced by Bryan Saunders and his stream of unconscious series. I don’t have a good excuse for not doing this. Maybe writing it here would motivate me. My therapist has been encouraging me to do this as well.

Revenge Technician S/T, tape, 8.5×11″ printed artwork and info, 2017

—-I feel super grateful to have crossed paths with PTD, and to have spent a little time with him when he and Bryan Lewis Saunders came through Texas last year. I set up a show for them at the now defunct physical location of Void Castle, of course they both killed it. Revenge Technician is a new project of PTD’s, and it fucking rules. This Tennesean has been brewing up darkened artifacts for quite a while as Mannequin Hollowcaust, as well as very awesome zine-works, and shares his wonderfully grotesque and macabre drawings with the intent of doing it every day on instagram, UN: casualhex, self proclaimed TN-trash electronics, as well as a a member of a newly formed project called Secret Bleeders that I am hoping to catch live one day, and anxiously awaiting some recordings to make their way onto the interwebz so I can check it out. This tape features four rhythmically, thematically different lo-fi industrial disasterpieces. The liner notes explain a few details. These pieces pulsate and pound into you in all their lo-fi glory and gory detail. I just played the tape three times in a row and each time it gets heavier, and I’m left wanting more! This is not a bad thing. There’s this haunting sample of Charles Manson on the last piece ‘exist/exit’ that contextually is totally fucking with my head. Maybe that’s part of why PTD credits himself as Head Destroyer. His artistic output deals in ultra-heavy realms of brutal truths and harsh realities as well as morbid fantasies. I assume it’s these things among many others that the sample of Manson is referring to. It’s all around you. The sonic equivalent of pushing along through this horrifying existence.  Also, PTD told me that my experiences with PTSD, as well as other folks he knows were part of the inspiration behind the track Combat Shock. I find it deeply moving to know that I’ve even partially inspired him, especially since I’ve gotten to take in some of his work and revere him like I do. If you’re reading this know that you are a huge inspiration to me, and I cherish our connection. Thank you.

Time of Orchids “Namesake Caution” Cuneiform Records Rune 257, 2007

—-For a band as mysterious as they are for crediting a band photo in the liner notes, and not having a band photo anywhere, haha, at least that I can tell…unless the person in the sideview mirror on the front cover is the band? This music sounds like it was created by an orchestra, and composed by a mad and dreamy genius. Discogs shows no performer listing for this album, but shows Chuck Stern, Jesse Krakow as being members, and Keith Abrams as having been a member. So, I can definitely tell that Stern is doing some, if not most of the singing. It would make sense to me that Abrams would be the one flawlessly executing very oddly metred time signatures and insane transitions behind the drum kit. There’s also a slew of gorgeous keyboard work, perhaps additional percussion, strange guitar playing, bass guitar ranging from subtle to doom heavy, all of it creating a very compelling listening experience. Following along with the lyrics proves rewarding as well. I’ve been taking this album in for years, and only just took the time to actually follow along with all the lyrics, and for shame. This is a super weird, progressive album with pop leanings and other very hard to categorize aspects, and I fucking love it a lot.

Pulverize The Sound (Mike Pride, Tim Dahl, and Peter Evans trio) on Relative Pitch Records RPR1039, CD, 2015

—-These are three musicians that I love a lot. I don’t know them personally, but they are responsible for some of the most bad ass sonic recordings of the last decade or longer. Every album I own with any of them on it is incredible in some way or another. We are served a single helping by Dahl, double helping by Pride, and triple helping by Evans, all of it fucking awesome. I find it quite astounding that a three piece can make such compelling, and insane sounds, even after my familiarity with other works of theirs. Thank hell that these astounding individuals came together for this release.


Botched Brazilian “Dildonic Racket” on [listen loudly], CDr, 2016

—-Christopher and Erica Robinson are two very awesome people that I wish I spent more time getting to know while I was in Denton. Chris is known in the HNW community as Big Hole. In this duo, as is explained in the artwork, Erica painted the cover on contact-mic’d sheet metal while Chris manipulated the sounds. The result is a subtly shifting HNW of some of the most tasteful variety, sonically it is so dense, quite lovely stuff to meditate to. The painting itself is also very well done, overall this is one of my favorite HNW releases that I own.

Trees “Sickness In” Crucial Blast CBR102, CD, 2012

—-Straight from the CB bandcamp: ” ‘Sickness In’ is the third album from Portland’s most wretched, Trees. Following their similarly abject slabs of feedback-doused horror and quasi-formless dirge ‘Lights Bane’ and ‘Freed Of This Flesh’ on Crucial Blast, the band again presents a two-song assault, each one roughly fifteen minutes in length, each a slowly rotting heap of droning slow-motion deathdoom riffs decomposing into clouds of black amplifier hum, high shrieking voices and tortured screams drifting against the glacial roar of smoking amp stacks and short-circuiting hardware. Where the previous album had Trees employing some interesting rhythmic chaos and longer stretches of ambient filth, this time around the band drops some of their most leaden, majestic riffs yet into their slow-mo filthstorm, massive saurian doom riffs slipping WAY out of the confines of ‘groove’ and deep into rumbling fields of charred ritualistic chanting and almost Abruptum-like states of psychotic noise. The first track ‘Cover Your Mouth’ crashes in on an avalanche of thrumming electricity and metallic noise, the crushing abstract heaviness collapsing in on itself, the rhythm section accentuating the rumbling black mass/mess with thunderous blasts of anti-propulsion. Trees have always seemed to have a somewhat improvisational feel to their extreme doom-laden horror, but just when you think that ‘Cover’ is on the verge of dissolving into a field of pure drone, the band unleashes titanic earth-scorching riffage. On ‘Perish’, the resonant sound of throat singing introduces a new wave of howling ambient feedback and speaker-hiss, but soon transforms into another twisted, agonized pain-dirge, those tortured vocals scraped raw, pain-wracked screams rising and falling behind the amorphous black sludge and diseased drones.”  They put this much better than I think I could. I love this album, and their other two albums.

Harvey Milk “Courtesy And Good Will Toward Men” CD, 1995

—-This is one of my favorite albums by one of my favorite bands. The perfect soundtrack for a troubled life. I could go on and on about it, but if you’re reading this, and you don’t already know, do yourself a favor and check this band out. You might find your new favorite band. Directly from relapse: “One of the most unusual and confounding records in the heavy rock world, and from the most unlikely of bands, Harvey Milk’s Courtesy and Good Will Toward Men’s uniqueness is legendary. A monument to unfettered originality on all fronts, Courtesy and Good Will Toward Men is at times fragile, minimal, and achingly beautiful; other times it suffocates with tar-black, crushingly heavy dirges that bend time. The tension that permeates the arrangements is exhausting, and the heart-on-a-sleeve vocals of Creston Spiers are truly gut-wrenching. Simply-stated, Courtesy and Good Will Toward Men is unprecedented, uneasy listening that walks the finest of lines between difficulty and beauty.”

Wu-Tang Clan “Enter The Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers” CD, 1993

—-ain’t nothin’ to fuck with.

Vultures Quartet & Philippe Petit “Tourbillon D’Obscurité” Sub Rosa SR320, New Series Framework 6, CD, 2011

—-This album is an absolutely gorgeous electroacoustic, ambient nightmare-scape, that utilizes a number of techniques to create a fully engrossing experience that I find quite fantastic. I listened to this in the car on the way back from Broaddus 3 times in a row, at night time while it was raining, cranked as loud as it would go. These soundworks on this album are brilliant. Everything from patient soft volume sections to some pretty overblown parts, tons of weirdness betwixt those two extremes. Fucking amazing.






I usually leave these images at the end with no caption, various photos from the time between the last update and now that either made me laugh, made me think, meant to show beauty, meant to show doubleplusunbeauty, and that’s what this last one represents for me, in terms of newspeak, double plus unbeauty. It’s from the farm house my family hunts out of. It’s where they buried my dad’s ashes. I felt like Ace Ventura inside my head the whole time I was in this house the other weekend. I’m not a fan of the behaviors of a lot of my extended family members. 

March 3rd, 2017

3/3 or 1

Howdy followers ov Void,

It would please me if this is finding you during any semblance of being well, the end is nigh, my friends. 

Looks like I’m heading to the nowhere-town that is Broaddus, TX this afternoon, to spend time with extended family, and test my patience while being surrounded by people that almost couldn’t hold more different ideals than myself. The good news is that there will be four-wheelers and plenty of countryside to drive off into and be alone with the hogs, birds, snakes, deer, and who knows what other surprises? I would truly rather interact with snakes than most of my extended family. It’s all for the memorial service they’ll be holding for my father tomorrow. One of the things that humans do to try and achieve closure, whatever works I guess, but as far as I can tell this is just another way for folks in the funeral industry to exploit grieving families. Maybe I’m a little biased here, having a degree in mortuary science and remembering the classes where it was a little more than colloquially encouraged to spike up the prices of everything from having a minister show up to say some words about shit he has not a clue about to baby caskets, so the owner of the funeral home can financially benefit. There is no such thing as closure. I believe in it less than I believe that we are all merely chickens with our heads cut off. As a member of this virus that is humanity, i’ll now move on from my introduction to this update, and into the things that are helping me navigate through this mess. 

Carl Sagan “Billions & Billions: Part III, Ch. 14; The Common Enemy”

Think the publishers of all these random things will sue me for promoting them? I had to put my pen away while reading this book. I could damn near underline every sentence in it so far. I feel like this Chapter is very worth sharing. I would also recommend this book to anyone who denies climate change. 

update for 5Mar2017: Finished reading the whole book. It’s very thought provoking and brilliant. Highly recommended!

185668232 – “!*%^^*@#@” CD, 2016

—-In their own words: “!*%^^*@#@ is 185668232’s 10th consecutively celebrated year album of making original music; this is pronounced like ‘QWERTYshift,’ supposed to be released in December of 2014. As a further reach into the unknown of electronics, self-identity and letting go of everything that does not push towards the singularity, this album continues the linear progression we are all used to being surprised by 185668232.” I was lucky enough to meet and share time with the very inspiring and lovely individual, Iam, as they were technically the first touring performer to perform in the now defunct physical location of Void Castle. Through talking with them, I’ve learned that the sounds found on the bandcamp are updated and changed frequently. I have a physical copy of what was this album at the time of its assembly. Housed in printed paper full of poetry one must squint or use a magnifying glass to read. Some of which are lyrics heard in the album. The magnitude of the sonic activism approach is worthy of repeated listenings, checking the bandcamp every now and then to see if anything has changed, I’d also advise ordering a copy of the album to check out the poetry and visual art in a printed form. Wholly, the artistic output of Iam is rather astounding. “bodily dysmorphic club spawn brand name labotomies textbook spiritualities Flaps and flops collapsing crops ignored” “in an ethically medical manner, Entertainment, love, shelter, food, inspiration, emotional support, variety, opportunities to progress, zero-tolerance to prejudice against human resources endorsed remorse of force that brought forth the great divergence” “i’ve been so scared to share my mind before then i realized it was simply taboo and anything taboo is more marketable so sad, so true but i cared a whole lot more than i now do” “our parents put us here to die Sorry for Capitalism, Patriarchy, Pharmaceuticals, Intellectual trademarked Academia, Corruption climbing slime to prime, Young and senile” There are tons of thought provoking poems and sounds, found within this antividual’s realm. Again, astounding!

Luther Price “Me Gut No Dog Dog” 1995
—-‘Standing Tall and Looking Good’ the cadence goes, GI blues and blue uniforms, the trashy and the clinical, erect buildings and ejaculating penises, life at home and during war, the muscular and the overweight, basic training and anal training, fucking machines and fighting machines, static white noise and silence juxtaposed with cut up scientific evaluations and 60’s pop rock songs, tanks and human pyramids, gloom and glee, stray dogs and aimless teens, cocksuckers and assfuckers, homosexuals and bubblegum, youth groups, graduating class, mixing drinks at the bar, the face of taking it up the ass. This was recommended and shared with me by my friend Bryan, thank you!! Very intense and bizarre filmwork. Can’t find this online, so if the above description interests you, we can pop it in the DVD player next time we hang somewhere together.

Frank Rosaly “Malo” Utech Records URCD092, CD, 2015

—-A solo effort by a terrific percussionist and noise maker. On ‘Basura’ I get the impression that this is a sort of overture, and a fantastic one at that, showing off his skills with sticks, and I’m assuming some contact-mic’d drums, that provide an electric accompaniment that reacts to his playing, one is ascended into this gorgeous realm. Title track ‘Malo’ comes in next, and things are more subdued here; bass frequencies swell and shift around seeming to be triggered by some patient mallet playfulness. The lightning bugs shimmer in the distance of this healing dreamscape. The structures created in this vast field of sound morph in and out of one another, truly amazing timbral beauty, electroacoustic ambience of the finest quality. ‘¡Ak!’ is where one’s arrived after crossing the ‘Malo’ landscape, where one finds the celebration of these dream beings. All is full of life here, and all is full of wonder. The kalimba plays it’s soulful tune that pulls us out of our bodies. ‘Te Cuidas Mucho, Miguel’ is where our spirit is taken care of, and the raw acoustic prowess of Rosaly reaches epic heights, and builds to this strange and lovely amalgamation of electronics and acoustics. ’10Hz’ rounds things out with stacked and unusual percussion, blended with electronics, time is non-existent here, super fast and precise tapping and churning blends with long ringing swells echoing into the fjords, shifting rolls come down like an avalanche. It becomes difficult to tell what is treated electronically, all this crescendos before dropping the sonic mirage once more, and being softly brought back to shore. Fantastic. Also must mention the beautiful packaging, the CD is housed in a 7″ size cardboard case with beautiful artwork by Zachary Worth.

Graham Lambkin “Two Points On The Angle” No Rent Records NRR44, tape, 2017

—-I only became aware of Lambkin within the last 12 months or so, when it seemed I was gang-recommended to get on board by friends and fellow creatives Steve Flato, Chase Gardner, Alan Jones, and Jeff Williams. Since then, everything I’ve gotten my hands on has been extremely fascinating. A ton of older stuff is long sold out, being scalped by used record dealers on Discogs and eBay, and everything he releases seems to sell out fast, including this release. Looks like I signed up for No Rent’s Cadillac Club at the right time. I was also lucky to find some decently priced Shadow Ring CDs at Recycled Books in Denton several months ago. The rest of what I’ve checked out, I have sourced in Youtube or Soulseek. Collaborations with Jason Lescalleet are among their oeuvres. On ‘The Criminal Waves’ are more strangely expressed spoken segments, both in tone and delivery, that work their way through cleverly assembled field recordings, some of which sound like muzak elevator jazz and Tejano coming through the wall, mostly muffled bass motifs through different sections of white tape hiss, the occasionally loud beeping sine waves. All of these things and more put me into a dream like state of guided-imagery and hypnosis. It is almost equal in disorientation and relaxation, and again, quite fascinating. On ‘Men Do The Cutting’ it starts with what feels like a rebuttal to those that wish to imagine that everything is okay, that it will all “just take care of itself.” It isn’t long before what sounds like pigs being slaughtered alive and perhaps their afterlife journey that follows chugs along into an avian afterlife dreamscape, this becomes semi-nightmarish and starts sounding like a forrest being leveled, the birds go away and the hacking continues. Perhaps it has already trailed into ‘Wind Without Walls’ but I wasn’t keeping time.  Lush drone-scapes and galloping, subtly swelling higher pitched tones become enveloping, yet another amazing release by Lambkin and No Rent. I’m sure that all those that bought this and made it sell out the first day it became available are pleased.

Armenia & Easy Bake Oven 容易オーブン Collaboration “Mortification of The Flesh” on Lemmon 714-017 and Bizarre Audio Arts, CDr, 2017

—-Here we have an hour long collaboration from two of the harsher-side-of-the-spectrum noise artists. What is heard is a dynamic, pulsating and throbbing cacophony of static, deep bass tones, sputtering synths, all sorts of sonically grotesque madness. The results are quite amazing, abandon your bodily desires and be absorbed into this violent black hole of catharsis.

Orthodox “Supreme” on Utech Records URCS103, tape, 2017

—-This band has been creating super bad ass, always forward thinking, artsy doom/rock/jazz for over a decade now. In this helping, we have a 36 minute dirge that just keeps pummeling, most of which I assume is improvised, though a definitely chemistry has been formed among the three performers. Achilleas Polychronidis, I assume is running his circular breathing sax destruction through effects, though subtle, creating a murky and spastic undercurrent, upon which Borja Díaz’ doom ridden improvised drumming and Marco Serrato’s doom ridden bass playing crush down sometimes in sync, and sometimes not. The overall effect comes across like a war zone, never knowing when the incoming round of mortars will strike. This might be my favorite improv-trio recording that I know about. Fucking awesome. The amalgamation of doom metal feels, the absence of vocals, within a “jazz” trio context, makes for a unique recording unlike much of anything else I’ve ever heard. To top all of that off, the packaging is also of a supreme quality, single cassette housed in a double-cassette case with 8 panel gorgeous artwork by Denis Forkas Kostromitin.

Baby Blood / Friendship Cemetery Split on Self Sabotage Records SS-04, tape, 2016

—-Here’s an instance where I have to validate my ‘even if I wasn’t friends with so and so i’d still love their music’ notion. Baby Blood is a several-years-running ensemble of north Texas musicians, most of which form a multitude of other north Texas projects: Bukkake Moms (RIP?), Gay Cum Daddies, Flesh Narc, The Fred Karger Memorial Lump Day Band, etc…all burned bridges aside (and there is at least one here that I never intend to rebuild), I do deeply respect these musician’s creative endeavors. All the more fitting for me personally, surely many can relate, Friendship Cemetery, has such a bittersweet adjective-noun relationship. And it’s on a label called self-sabotage. Laugh deep down inside. The singularitic and solipsistic reminders are rich with this one, but I still think it’s a very bad ass split with some of the most interesting improvised ensembles Texas, or perhaps most of the world, has to offer.

Ghost Miner, demo, 2017

—-A new work by one of my closest friends, bandmate in Ascites, Nick Cabrera, whom, even if I wasn’t friends with him I would still regard his music as some of my favorite rhythmic based works. Keep on killing it, pls&thx-u!!

Sun Kil Moon “Common As Light And Love Are Red Valleys Of Blood” 2017

—-As part of the newly founded Impossible To Complete Club my friend Kelly and I are starting, where art is recommended ad infinitum and no one has the free time to check it all out, it was suggested that I check out some Sun Kil Moon, and I am very glad that I did. This album made me laugh, it made me cry, it provoked my thoughts from beginning to end, loved it. It really kind of speaks for itself. I’ll definitely be adding SKM’s back catalog to the impossible-to-check-it-all-out-before-I-die list.

Indian “From All Purity” Relapse Records RR7224, CD, 2014

—-A few years ago when I was still on faceache, I saw a promotion for this album by Ron Varod of Kayo Dot, describing it as something like the slow parts on Converge albums, which, Converge being one of my favorite bands, and Kayo Dot being one of my favorite bands, was all I needed to just order it without hearing it first. It is definitely reminiscent of slower parts in Converge songs, but Indian has a unique slant on several metal genre’s, as well as incorporating noise elements into the pieces. I can see where lots of different kinds of metal have influenced this album from being a lifelong metal fan. Most of the album is a darkened, blackened sludge, trudging along with hypnotic and slower battery of drums, drenched in distortion guitar and bass, screeching vocals and high pitched piercing noise textures. The fifth track, ‘Clarity’, has no drums in it, and is more or less a noise track. There are no pentatonic or typical stoner metal riffs on this album, just a sound fit for a mental breakdown, and an inner rage towards the way things are.

Tralphaz “Vortex” Ratskin Records RSR054, Tape, 2016

—-This is what happens when everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. Again and again, struck down with loss, beaten down, teeth in the dirt, a carbomb splattering bodies around it like fireworks, a fleshy ankle and foot with one toe intact lay here, bone fragments and guts lay there, time slows down and the whole scene writhes in disarray. No comforting feelings aside from the camaraderie that others feel and see similar horrors. ‘Descension’ forces you down the spiral like meat into a grinder. ‘Extraction’ is the depraved terror found in that perverted space of inner resentment for all of existence. Cold and brutal, dark and harsh vibes throughout. Wrenching. Cathartic. Visceral.

Jeph Jerman & Steve Jansen “Second First” That’s Cool Records 034, 2017

—-Both sides of this tape are presented to the listener in reverse chronological order; the second performance recorded in Houston for No Idea Fest at Homecare Performance Space on 29Feb2016, on side A, and the first performance recorded in Austin at Blanton Museum of Art for No Idea Fest the day prior, on side B. Dense and lush fields of sound weave about, textural grandeur of the patient and calculated variety. Jerman on objects, devices, tape and Jansen on tapes, and guitar. I love the ambiguity in revealing those instrumental tools with which the sounds one hears are created. Who knows what ‘objects’ and ‘devices’ mean? Who cares? Contextually it seems to add to the overall mystery that is conjured by such ‘devices.’ It also alludes to there being no real way of describing the goal of utilizing these tools. For me, it opens the floodgates to an expansive meditational mental state that lies beyond the mundane one felt during most encounters with society, work, bullshit, and in that it’s a beautiful thing indeed. I feel more home in those strange sonic landscapes than I ever have in my body. Is this what astral projection is? or something else entirely? All I know is that I’m thankful for finding these tools with which to lose myself. Gorgeous work of electro-acoustic new(nü)improv brilliance.

Marissa Nadler “Songs III: Bird on The Water” Peace Frog Records, Kemado Records, CD, 2007

—-I recently found out about Nadler’s work through my ongoing guidance from Junior, and I’ve been loving everything I’ve heard so far. It’s quite different than most of what I listen to. Very little folk music enters my eardrums. I don’t know what it is, upon the first couple seconds of taking Nadler’s music in I fell in love with it. It’s quite beautiful, lots of subtle instrumental textures and compositional qualities to the music that accompanies her voice.  It’s not often that music like this resonates with me, and will probably stick out like a sore thumb amongst most of what I end up writing about in this blog, but her music is improving the quality of my life and that’s what this blog is about for the most part.

Steve Jansen “An Error Occurred” That’s Cool Records TCR 035, Tape, 2017
—-‘Holland Import’ builds to a swirling and mesmerizing amalgamation of tape manipulation, strangle arpeggiated and colorful tones, prepared guitar is plucked and the orchestra of musical and textural tones shift and while making ones way through this unfamiliar city, the locals there are welcoming, but their ways are strange and the unfamiliarity can be intense. The textures crescendo and suddenly let go again, these sounds are tools for transcendence. Flow with them into realms outside of this one. Take a break, you deserve it. Recorded in 2013 at Studio Illiterate in Austin, TX. ‘Best If Used By’ was recorded on March, 1st, 2016 at J&J’s Pizza in Denton, TX, on a bill I also performed on. RIP to that basement. Every time I’ve seen SJ perform, solo or with various ensembles, Friendship Cemetery with Parham Daghighi and SSBT with them both + Chris Cogburn, are among the most memorable performances I’ve ever seen. This tape is a fantastic release of very forward thinking improvisation, strange unfamiliar timbre’s using odd setups and electronics with enough ear candy to share with the whole class. It is not often that improvisation falls into this singular of an approach while also achieving such mesmerizing results, electro-acoustic music amidst the finest caliber.

Flea Apparitions, Koobaatoo Asparagus, Henry Mallard, Shadow Figures “Red” Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter PHC051, CDr, 2015

—-This is a bad ass 4 way split, with four fairly familiar names for me. I really dig split albums, it tends to make a stretched out listening session stay interesting for me, especially when the contributors to the split all approach things in a different manner like they do here. It opens with Flea Apparitions’ ‘Parasite Device’ which sounds like it was recorded with a couple of microphones in the room while being performed, the strums of the guitar can be heard which adds to the overall timbral quality of the mix. Whatever the guitar is being ran through turns the whole thing into a nearly dark ambient feel, but too weird, constantly shifting and texturally interesting, really great stuff. Up next is Koobaatoo Asparagus’ ‘I’m Frying Threw Sounds’ which sounds like there is possibly guitar involved, and a ton of hardware, some synths and/or keyboards as well, it feels like a mono recording as well, as if the mass of sounds is all one entity. Lots of really interesting dynamic changes in tone and timbre going on in this one. Also too weird to be harsh, although there is a presence of static sounds, overall an awesome churning and morphing mass of sound. After this we have Henry Mallard’s ‘Forest of Ducks’ with the full on harsh assault approach, violently shifting with thick bass under-churning and crisp static mangling above, very awesome. Makes me think of the harsh life ducks live, what with their necrophilia and forceful sexual advances on one another, don’t believe me, google it, or talk to Henry, he’s got an encyclopedic knowledge of the duck life. And after this dynamic assault on the senses we have two offerings from Shadow Figures. ‘No News Today’ sounds like it may be feedback based, as well as ran through a slew of modulating effects, lots of different things going on with the tones and they way they shift and flail around. I’m imagining the track being about having a loved one in intensive care and days are going by, and the days with no news are both encouraging and draining. This is followed by the closer of the 4way and second piece by Shadow Figures, ‘Reel 61’ where screamed vocals seemed to be added into a similar setup as the previous track, underneath all the screams are what sounds like a deep bass feedback being interrupted by synths, sputtering, crackling,  modulating and higher pitched feedback. There even seems to be highly distorted guitar playing going on in parts, and the vocal use is quite sparse amidst the dense churnings and rumblings. I’m curious about the meaning behind the 61st reel, given the overall brooding feel of the track. Love this 4way split, another solid release from the Hypnocenter. Unfortunately couldn’t find this on bandcamp to share here, but they have plenty of other releases well worth checking out.

Foltergeist / Scorpion Sound Source / Henry Mallard 3way Split “Three Cycles of Duck Sounds” Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter PHC021, CDr, 2016

—-Opening up the album, Scorpion Sound Source doesn’t wait to hit you with a synthesized sledge the first second of ‘Cat Noise 1k994’ and as the drone builds it becomes rhythmic, with deep bass kicks and a repeating ascending modulating tone and what sounds like looped pitch bent spoken phrase, and while this continues static seems to oscillate in intensity around it, this continues for a while in a trance inducing manner and at the end is a quick dynamic change that is quite unsettling as this morphs into the second track, also by SSS entitled ‘Best Show Ever (Beat The Geeks)’. This one is more of a HNW approach of lush and ugly density continuing the horrifying trance induction. I’ve yet to watch this show the track is referring to, but will have to check it out sometime. After a while the track goes through some astounding dynamic and style changes and becomes this morphing granular wall of sound that I want to describe as nauseating in a good way. After these tracks bludgeon and sedate, Foltergeist proceeds with Cycle 2, in two parts; first ‘Best Things In Life Are Not Real’ sounds like a claustrophobic experience of being stuck in a packed subway on a slowed down trip to some foreboding location where only ailments await. An awesome dark ambient excursion. Followed by Foltergeist’s second part to Cycle 2, is ‘Fruity Oat Bar’ which by the sounds of things I’m guessing was moldy when it was eaten, inducing a strange mal-psychoactive food poisoning. The paramedics are questioning you, but all you hear are the insides of your perceptions rotting away, vomiting your way into some unexpected nightmare realm between ordinary waking consciousness and nothingness. Nothing comforting here. Then Cycle 3 begins, Henry Mallard singular offering and closing harsh-disasterpiece, ‘Knife Through Spine’ takes no prisoners from the get go as the amalgamation of distorted textures stab and stab some more. No hope. No mercy. Alarms are going off, but no help is on the way. Just corpse meat for the worms and birds remain. I also couldn’t find this on bandcamp.

Deathspell Omega “Fas – Ite, Maledicti in Ignem Aeternum” Season of Mist SOM 732, CD, 2012 & “Kénôse” Norma Evangelium Diaboli, CD, 2005

—-I’m probably kind of late to this realization, and I know DSO gives a shout out to Georges Bataille in at least one of their albums, that the majority of their lyrics are taken from different works of Bataille. So, obviously I’m going to be trying to track down some books by Bataille as soon as possible. These are both yet other grand masterpieces by DSO (that I haven’t yet covered in this blog), they are well known in metal circles for this and deservedly so. Through quick google searches one can find reviews of these albums that are much more eloquent than this. Fucking amazing metal albums!

Macronympha & Sodomy From Beyond / Echo Lightwave Unspeakable Split CDr on Bizarre Audio Arts and Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter PHC073, 2017

—-Immediately, Macronympha and SFB get right into business with their 28+ minute disasterpiece ‘Autodesfiguracion’, a fitting title that I think means self-disfiguration, based on my limited knowledge of etymology. This sounds like the perfect soundtrack for self harm. The ugly wall of noise permeates all sense of hope. Crashing and swelling, destroying all in its path. Tortured music for tortured souls. Turpitude. Relentless Madness. There aren’t any familiar tones in this, a unique malcollage of horror. After this assault comes ELU’s slab of horrid cacaphony, ‘Glass Coins and Cuts’. Dense feedback and synth abuse immediate grab hold and do not let go, awesome use of stereo field and different things going on in the left and right channels. After being pummelled for a while a broadcast is sent out, calling all citizens with the last names ending in ‘A’ to report somewhere, and that failure to comply will result in some unintelligible and undesirable result I assume. The noise seems to take quite a change at this point, reaching greater stages of sonic violence. Really fucking awesome split.

February 23rd, 2017

I’ve been using my instagram account: mainstreammediamail :to keep a log of things that I’ll want to write about here, and I think when I decided to do the whole 3rd-13th-23rd thing I wasn’t thinking about how much art I take in during the time between those three updates. I’ve had the same realization the last few times I made updates. I really need to invest in a notebook, and start writing notes right after I take something in. And yet, I also sort of enjoy having to recall how I felt about something, and it kind of tells me how much of an impact something has had on me if I am able to recall it better than other things. I’m rambling. I’m also somewhat self aware that I am not good at keeping a notebook and taking notes. I also start to wonder why I am even keeping a blog, and if I have even shared that in this blog. Perhaps the reason why will evolve. More or less, I am an individual that has gone through some pretty fucked up things, and not to compare belly aches with other people, but in my mind, there are quite a lot of people who’ve been in similar shoes as me that have put themselves under the dirt. I’ve came very close on several occasions to joining them. Like many, I have my ups and downs, like many, I’ve been in war, like many, I’ve been sexually abused, like many, I’m medicated, like many, I’ve been addicted to a multitude of drugs before, like many, I’ve lost people very close to me, like many in this fucked up world, I am still trying to make the best of it, despite all these major setbacks, failed relationships, homelessness, in-patient treatment, therapy, psychedelic experiences, really, when I look back on everything I’ve experiences in my meager 29 years of growing and now slowly decaying in this flesh prison….it’s pretty fucking hard to sum it up into a cohesive paragraph, with a point.

Why am I writing this blog? Why anything? Why not? then I think of Harvey Milk’s ‘Courtesy And Good Will Toward Men’ and remember: “Don’t ask why”

I suppose that it is my aim to share the things that help me get by, day to day, that I’ll possibly help others do the same. I’m not trying to write thorough reviews here. I’m trying to do some ‘pay-it-forward’ business, share what helps me, and what helps me might not help you, maybe it can help someone you know.  The things that enrich my life may not be the things that enrich yours, but chances are, if you found this blog through connecting with me, or through the artists I tag in this blog, there is a chance that some of this could help enrich your life. I am learning that the more brutally honest I am, the better connections I am finding in my life with others. It still doesn’t make talking about things any easier, and I seem to be in this tugging and pulling with myself; open up//don’t open up, and yet the only thing that has enriched my life in even just the last month has been to open up, I suppose it’s important knowing where to open up. Look at my blood and guts, look at my rotting insides, have a laugh why don’t you?

Also, this blog itself is one of my giant works in progress. I’ll only be adding albums once, but obviously I go back and listen to things occasionally and at those times i’ll go to whatever post included it and add notes and my feelings about things at those times, and include dates when I do. Over time I aim to have written my thoughts and feelings for everything in my collection, which is also why the majority of the content here will be things I actually own. I try my best to support artists that are currently active. I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but you should too.

Let us get on with it, shall we?

Aunt’s Analog & Dromez “Hello Douche” Instincto Records-038, 3″ CDr, 2008,

—-Two very awesome Texan noise artists, although, I think Dromez moved to Dayton, OH, and maybe moved back? Hard to keep up with any of these things without a personal friendship with these artists, or without a facebook account. Either way, this is an older release. I found it in the hidden selection at the Arlington TX, CD Warehouse. It’s super duper good harsh noise. Only a little over 9 minutes long. Really, everything I’ve ever heard either of these artists do has totally blown me away, both on recording and the times I was lucky enough to see them perform.

Glasgowsmile “No It’s Not” Sinister Upheaval Records, Burial Recordings, 3″ CDr, 2012

—-This is something else I found in the aforementioned hidden selection closet. This is another name in the harsh realm that I’ve come to realize makes very amazing harsh noise. Everything I’ve heard has been amazing anyways. I had the opportunity to meet Zach Guttowsky, the mind behind Glasgowsmile, at one of the last shows to ever happen at the Paso Hondo Noise Compound, a house venue that Jesse Kling held numerous harsh events at. He’s also a member of Black Leather Jesus, legendary large harsh ensemble from Texas. He was performing in that show in his duo Protists of Nebula, very very intense performance, one of the most intense I’ve ever seen, and very intimidating. They had ski-masks on, and had a doll tied to a chair, and were swinging bats and chains into the ground, getting in people’s faces, just having a grand ol’ time. That whole show was actually one of the more memorable shows I’ve ever played. I don’t want to detract too much from reviewing this album though, just kind of wanted to illustrate that as far as I know, anything Zach Guttowsky has done sonically is well worth checking out, quality harsh. He’s also a super nice person and it was a memorable pleasure to have met him.

William Hooker “Armageddon” Homestead Records, CD, 1995

—-I picked this one up because I have learned, through my guidance from Junior Wayne, that William Hooker is an awesome drummer, and plays in an almost ritualistic and primal way kind of away from the realm of precision and more in the realm of supernovae, a hard to identify style somewhat within and outside of the realms of jazz, as vast a genre as that is. In these recordings he placed his drumming at the front of the sounds one hears, for emphasis, and is backed by a team of other amazing improvisors: DJ Olive, Kickwad, Blaise Siwula, Lewis Barnes, Richard Keene, Doug Walker, Manley Hall, David First, Jesse Henry, and Letha Rodman. Each track is quite awesome. I don’t think I could get tired of listening to Hooker slam away on a drum kit. I couldn’t find this particular album online, so I shared a video of him playing with others instead.

Sudden Infant / Bill Kouligas Split CD, absurd #64, 2007

—-This is something I picked up because Sudden Infant is on it, again from the aforementioned hidden closet. I haven’t previously heard anything by Bill Kouligas but I plan on changing that now that I have. I think there’s good reason why people in the know praise Sudden Infant so. He’s incredible. The Bill Kouligas tracks on this cd are incredible also. Very awesome harsh and weird CD.  I couldn’t find this one online, but they do have copies for very cheap on discogs, at least at the time of writing this.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr. “Cat’s Cradle” 1963

—-KVJr has been one of my favorite writers for around a decade now, and other people’s faves for decades. He’s fucking brilliant. It’s hard sometimes not to wonder really if there’s a such thing as coincidence, or of things come into our lives when they need to, and wether that’s even important to try and find out. All I know is that it seems like I really needed to read this recently.

Dr. Gabor Maté “The Myth of Normal” 2016

—-Thank you Kelly for telling me to watch this! I will have to check out more of Maté’s work when I get a proper wifi signal and don’t have to drain my data.

Hypernormalisation BBC Documentary

—-Again thank you Kelly! Haha, the seldom times I can remember who exactly recommended what, I try to give proper credit to. This documentary gave me a ton to think about, it also exposed many things I was previously unaware of, and seems to be made well, and covers a lot of ground for just referencing the last 40 years. I enjoy the thought provocation that it provides.

“Untitled” 3xCD Compilation on Epicene Sound Systems ESS010, Epicene Sound Replica ESR050, UndeRadar UR10, and Public Guilt PG007, 2007

—-I, too, found this in the aforementioned hidden closet. I only had to see a few of these names before convincing myself it was worth the surprisingly low cost I found it for, $8 I think. There are copies on discogs for very cheap too. Well worth it if you ask me. Black Meat. Door. Noveller. Jason Zeh, Teeth Collection. Earwicker. tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE. Gerritt. Thurston Moore. Wzt Hearts. Skullcaster. Steve Bradley. Wether. Mermaids. Strotter Inst. Mike Shiflet. Leslie Keffer. Magicicada. Burning Star Core. Oblong Box. Aughra. Travis Ryan. Donna Parker. Robert Inhuman. Yellow Tears. 1thousand holy shards. Back From Iraq. Sick Ill Cell. Dead Machines. Herpes Ö DeLuxe. The Cherry Point. scutopus. Ben S. Jacob. Blango. Decimation Blvd. Ultral/Vires*. Subterrane. Destructo Swarmbots. Darsombra. Panicsville. OP Rechts. Bet Hell. John Wiese. Josh Lay. Cotton Museum. Big China & Little Trouble. Forbes Graham. Small life. lovae. The Heirs of Rockefeller. Perfect Teeth. Hum of the Druid. Sword Heaven. Tonight Golden Curls. Guilty Connector.  I can’t find this comp online to share it with you, but I assure you that it’s awesome.

Ernest Hemingway “The Old Man and the Sea” 1951

—-This is a fairly short story, I read it in about two hours. I enjoyed it quite a bit, even though I don’t enjoy fishing, but the way Hemingway describes the bad luck of the old man, and his relationship to this little boy, and the struggle of trying to get one big fish back to shore, kept me quite interested and engaged.

Gerritt Wittmer “Unknowns” No Rent Records NRR21, Tape, 2016

—-At this point I am trying to be a completist with No Rent Records because I have been falling in love with everything they release, as well as finding out about composers and artists and tons of other work they do, and that all is very positive for me. This tape is harsh but very dynamic, quiet parts, loud parts, droning parts, surprising changes and cuts, really great stuff.

Bob Bellerue “Piano Gaucho” No Rent Records NRR39, Tape, 2016

—-I was surprised this wasn’t sold out by the time I got funds to be able to order it. I know that Bob Bellerue has been hosting Ende Tymes each year and the 7th one is in a couple months, figured that would have been enough to make this tape sell out in an hour or two and that I was gonna miss out, but I am really glad it was still available. This tape is gorgeous, amplified and processed grand piano drones that shift around in an ambient fashion, really great meditational pieces.

The Locust “New Erections” Anti 86748-2, CD, 2007

—-I’ve been into this band for quite a while. I had the opportunity to see them perform when I was really young, something like 13 or 14. They are still one of the more memorable acts I’ve ever seen live. For a long time I’ve been taking in a ton of different metal albums without paying a lot of attention to the lyrical content, for shame in this instance: because the lyrics to this album are some of the best of any I’ve paid attention to. “Idealogical leper, Newly planted tower: grows from the ground and spills its guts out on the sidewalk, Pseudo-politico, Flat talk O’clock: Rolls past the site of a flesh insurrection, Sidestepping creep, Hostile Slumlord: Grabs his cash and hits the road, His face is charred and scabbed like the map of some desolate wasteland.  A speck of neglect bombed out and leveled to be cleansed again. We’ll bury this city in trash.  Damage Deceiver builds up his believers and takes charge. Stains Half the sewer with chaos and clover and charred tongues. Is this the dumpster of your dreams? And who will be your next trash crusader? Ancestor incest, the organs are rotting on weak slabs.  Re-animating the corpses of buildings with old stones. Belching into the atmosphere, new erections still the same as those filthy fucking old ones. Now it’s known that there’s no heaven on this shore, on this or any other damn shore for that matter. Shit-sucking kings and ass licking peasants with their foreign tongues licking someone’s foreign affair: only because signs show that we must fly from here. Shave that matted faux fur suit. Hey incarceration generation! Now listen to what the preacher has to say about life, but don’t listen to what the man of faith has to say about petty details like death and despair. Haven’t you heard yet? No one listens to anyone anyhow, take that aimless aim and let it rip. Open fire when you hit the shore, relax, it’s only the smell of some sea men. Fire! Hand me down hamburger. Will all John Hinckley’s please report to the corporate barbecue. Let’s pile this trash much higher so that we might just reach the heavens. Leaving cock-suckers (no offense to the cocksuckers) behind with stock imagination, reinventing commons then living without dead time. Opinions are like assholes, everyone seems to have one. So here you go: Death to fuzz. Dead. Uncle sham and his sick uncle dickin’, all fuzzy tailed and fucking like bunnies. Making you feel just like a warmed up corpse. A total hit hitting on everything. Got to pump and dump. Brains are on ice and still one too many bellies touching their backs while some have their back teeth buried under the ground. They shall eat they dinner out of a polystyrene / polypropylene dish, it shall be pre-prepared, cooked in a microwave sped up by a megatron at a 2450 megahertz frequency and thy food will be calories, bht, bha, sulfites and yellow no. 5, now it’s time to throw craps. So pay up mister hoof-and-mouth-disease, the cake is getting thin, add the coffin meat of those who don’t have the sense to pour the piss out of a boot to save their lives. Feel free, fornicate, it’s not the earth’s first contra coup, or the first astral projection experience with mesomorphs. One can’t resist these surges. One can’t resist these carbon copied species, like us. Power failure pandemonium, proudly perverts plutonium. And whoever handles these loose electrons could you please modify your geiger counters to reveal planets morphing. Blanket retribution completely blocked out by a nimbus indicates it’s time to stray from the nucleus. ‘There is just something about cloud-cuckoo land’ minimally conscious, hairy quadruped. Scientists, save us. Scientists, S.O.S. Questionless outweigh the collective’s sensible side. Poverty on pangea can polarize plenty more till there are only two classes left: Dick and serf. That’s not all, next step is entire countries without running water or food right next to vast fields of golden toilets with guards protecting bad ideas. Sacrifice of the selfless without selfish consent. This hegemony is hard at work. Get back in line, you’ll fit in fine, rank and file, reconcile. Questionless people do you think you can think any less? The highways (the slipstreams of half-sacks) are jammed up from pillar to post. Night changes things: everything is foul and the filthy reign. The settlers are kicking off their shoes. Flex those comets, bury that asshole, ‘cos noxious obnoxious is guilty as hell. Take those smokestacks to your lawyers and smoke out the lot of them. Drown them all out. It’s easy to replace in the name of progress. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Obsolete fuel, so lobbyists pull an alternative mule. Insubordinate antique engine, spark superfluous discharges. Gaia is wounded, corny and spoon-fed. Groupthink banter resonates everywhere. Taxidermy, guilt ridden professors, sneezing out all the answers. Do you want it sugarcoated? Drunk cars in Brazil didn’t have to foot the bill. The complaintiff states, “not enough mistakes” but it’s OK, the EPA is a stepping stone before the end of Rome. It’s easy to replace in the name of progress. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Dying can’t be that easy. Getting born again can be somewhat hard. A snake eating its own tail riding the new wave of new, don’t wait for god to judge you because we can do that. The words you sing are wrong since all the masters are taught exactly what masters are. To know, the chorus sings: “I’m unimpressed” The one who is only god cannot be top dog, employer, employ some stale dead dog fuck all fuck bag. Hey! Heave! Ho! Well in case you did miss the memo…rest in peace neoclassical absurdity, let’s polish turds then eat them. Yum, yum. He’s a wretch and like all the rest he thinks there’s time to make trouble and time to make a mess. He says, “Punch in automate, stomp on, stamp out” Mechanized and traumatized he’s tapping things obsessively. Find his boss’ office and tears it apart. Torches the evidence. Quits his job. Voltage highways, currents moving constantly, blissed out and circuit bent, he’s summoned by his majesty. Anxious electric taps into the registry, a challenge to the monolith the obelisk is posturing. Sleeping monsters rise. (Manichaean disguise). Ransacks junk town. Glass-eyed ogre builds himself an armory, lives like a hammer (a vulgar diplomacy). A new king of prophet, a new kind of tyranny, a new kind of trauma, a new aristocracy. Finds flaws in the eyes of his enemies, wages war and flies his flag. Prelude to the coming of a new machine metropolis. Slum service (served on the sly). The sign says: he’s sketchy (singing all of his sighs). It seems my pig comrade has tripped around town. A chattering tone was stacking stones, building a conversation, the alley said: fine, I’ll take the time. Stone after stone he bellowed. Cover was blown. His mind dropped and then he stutter stepped. The ally got restless and walked (needs a new place) and while the titans move he’ll slither (underneath the slip-ups). Fresh prize at his side, he was itching to hide from the same old flies. Sluggish synapsis mocking cro-magnon’s first impressions, also gently leaning towards the nearest black hole. And even time reversal symmetry is baffled by the smirkless face of history. Analytical avenger can’t be held back any longer by these self adhesive shackles arranged in sequential order up the spine of the self appointed full time re-arrangers of yester-eon. Overwhelmed by the repeating pattern, yellow rain pisses in the well again, while closing in on rationed out reposession. The fact remains, this is the wrong time line.”

Himukalt “Vulgar” No Rent Records, NRR41, Tape, 2017

—-I wasn’t fortunate enough to snag one of the first 9 copies of this to come out, special edition versions. But still, the sounds are worth having. This is a very unsettling series of industrial, power electronics, harsh-esque recordings with the occasional spoken addition to the uneasiness of it all. Very amazing. This is my first exposure to the work of Himukalt and definitely won’t be my last.

Into The Moat “The Design” Metal Blade Records 3984-14528-2, CD, 2005

—-I revisited this for nostalgic purposes. A classic banger in the field of metal-core imo. I did the same thing as before, listened to it for years without following along to the lyrics. I’m not really all that impressed with the lyrical content of this one, but still find the technicality of the playing and song structures interesting enough to nod my head back and forth to it.

Crank Sturgeon “St. Doggery” Placenta Recordings PR122, CD, 2011

—-This CD is super duper good. Has some very harsh sections of electro-acoustic contact mic abuse, from the sound of things and knowing that Crank Sturgeon sells contact mic’s he makes online, but it also has these very interesting spoken word sections, that may even be impromptu, and if so, what a mind CS has to think up the things he does on the spot and even if not, the poetic value is strongly there. “Not to validate the obvious of culling warmth from silent giggles but art is a form of sedition” <— x1000. This particular album isn’t readily available online, so I shared an awesome performance of his that took place in Houston that I was not fortunate enough to actually attend, although, I see tons of familiar faces in attendance.

Yan Jun “Europe” No Rent Records, NRR42, 2017

—-This is my first exposure to the work of Yan Jun, but through some research I noticed he’s in ways affiliated with the likes of Otomo Yoshihide, a favorite of mine. This tape is really great for meditation, very strange recordings involving no input mixing boards, I find it to be very pleasant ambient white noise, and feedback sonatas. Definitely will have to check more of his work out.

Yureka Cash “Social Capital” No Rent Records NRR43, 2017

—-This recording is one of the more impressive I’ve heard in some time. I keep saying that about all of these things I’m writing about here. Maybe even impressive is the wrong word, but impactful, yeah, the spoken and processed words that are conveniently printed in the artwork, the thematic issues touched upon, and the sonic accompaniment to them makes for quite an impactful listening experience.

A Noisy Delivery by GX-Jupitter Larsen

—-I picked this up from GX at last years 9/11 Noise Fest in Austin, where he performed a Haters set (fucking incredible), and shamefully waited until recently to watch it for the first time. I tend to have much more of an affinity for musical experiences that film, I don’t really know why. I did really enjoy this film. I enjoyed the unsettling interjections of different philosophical stances, maybe stances is the wrong word, statements, that kind of come at you in an unexpected way. The soundtrack is where it’s at too, and there are a lot of beautiful shots throughout. Very lovely noir and weird film, my first to watch by GX, but GX is one of those names that I just try to get as many things as I can by at this point, and I’ve yet to absorb anything by him that didn’t enrich my life a lot.

Cloak of Altering “Plague Beasts” Crucial Blast Records, 2014

—-Cloak of Altering is one of the projects by the prolific demon behind Gnaw Their Tongues, and many other projects that I love, Maurice de Jong, or more colloquially known as Mories. Here we have a blend of almost EDM programmed death metal beats that come at you in a progressive way, with Mories’ patented orchestral instrumentation sound that one kind of becomes familiar with when one becomes familiar with his ouvre, though each album is still different from each other, they are all very dark, very intense, and some of my favorite recordings. This album rules. No surprises there for me.


—-My friend Henry Mallard turned me onto this website. It has sort of a similar feel to Randy Prozac’s work in my opinion, though I have not came close to taking in the body of either of their works. I downloaded the recordings from this website and have found them very nice. And reading around in the website is definitely thought provoking in a desirable way. Thank you, Henry!

Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors by Sergei Paradjanov, 1965

—-This is a really beautiful work by a master of cinema, and I own the Kino Video boxset that some seem to complain about in reviews, but it makes things easier for me to not run up data and watch things on DVD. It’s available online for those that don’t have to worry about data.

Deathspell Omega “Chaining The Katechon” Norma Evangelium Diaboli NED 021, 2008 & “Drought” Season of Mist SOM 810, 2012 & “Diabolus Absconditus” Norma Evangelium Diaboli NED027, 2011

—-I’ve been on a Deathspell Omega kick lately. Really, I tend to be very picky when it comes to the metal that I listen to, whereas with noise, I basically love all noise, but it’s all so broad and different and maybe that’s the best part of it, but with metal, maybe since it’s something I grew up on, I really try to go out of my way to find stuff that is pushing the bar, again, these are just opinions. And my opinion is that DSO is one of the best. Please if you’re reading this and you know a slew of bands you find much better than this, please do tell. They’re lyrical content, the fact that their identities are hidden, their musical abilities, it’s just so fucking fantastic.

Macronympha / Easy Bake Oven 容易オーブン Split “Induced Elitism” Rorer 714-046, Bizarre Audio Arts, limited to 50 copies, 2016

—-Macronympha ought to be a name anyone with the slightest interest in harsh noise would be aware of, and then some, i’m no expert myself but they’ve been creating some of the most bad ass harsh noise for decades, with a rotating line-up, currently consisting of founding member Joseph Roemer and Leonardo Sabatto (who also makes killer stuff as Armenia). In the words of Roemer: “More like a mirror we reflect society, some things you might not ordinarily look at. A dark and perversely twisted photo-journalism. Freaks and other like-minded individuals aren’t the only people who can look past “-isms” and “-ologies” to find a relevant voice. NOISE is as old as millions of years of volcanic eruption and mountain erosion. The modern industry of metal and machines added more to this mix. All we do is use everything at our disposal to record the true power that had been filling the airwaves since the beginning of time.” On this split release we still see Macronympha destroying shit, just awesome!! Easy Bake Oven 容易オーブン is a newer project, but obviously they’re doing something right to end up on a split with the masters, and it does show on this release, with their brutal synth and harsh textures disasterpiece track!

Stalagmite Repression “Stigmata Documentary” Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter PHC090, CDr, 2016

—-This is the duo of John Grimaldi and Henry Rial, and I don’t really know how to explain it well, but this has become one of my favorite noise releases rather quickly. It just has like all my favorite characteristics of noise bundled up into 5 slabs of tasteful textures, a sense of compositional structure, volume dynamics, electro acoustics, drone, quick cuts, devastatingly thick bass, mysterious use of vocals, and I don’t know why but the overall flow of the whole thing makes the hour long playtime seem short even, if only for my desire for more. I kind of hate playing favorites as there’s so much good noise and art out there, but….yeah, i mean check this shit out if you like tasteful harsh/drone-scapes from some talented duckheads

Scorpion Sound Source “Amy Whitehouse” Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter PHC088, 2016

—-Kylie Damnyou is/was quite an enigmatic trans woman from what I remember when I was on facebook, and as far as I know she deleted her facebook too. I always enjoyed interacting with her, she was having a super rough time there for a while with homelessness, I hope she’s doing better. I love the pun title on this release, the track title referencing the age Amy passed, and is kinda well known for being the age that numerous other popular musicians have passed. The majority of this recording is a relentless feedback assault that I found to be quite cathartic. I love this album, fantastic harsh sounds and vibes all throughout. I couldn’t find this particular release online, but felt I should share more of her work because I feel like it comes from a very genuine place of dissatisfaction with the way the world is, and the way trans people are treated. 



Hello followers ov the void, hope you’re finding what you need to help you through this mess, and I hope sometimes I help with that, and fuck hope.

My father passed away on Saturday evening. I flipped out Saturday evening. I hated existence. I guess I don’t exactly hate existence, sometimes. I guess I kind of want to start focusing on what helps me not hate existence here in this void. Fuck the bullshit.

Katsuyoshi Kou & Toshimaru Nakamura “3 Amps” Ftarri-991, CD, 2015

—-The above video is a fair example of how the record is, though the video only captures the last few moments of their performance, it is kind of how the recording ends. The record is quite incredible, as is anything I have found that includes Nakamura. It works at a glacial pace and slowly builds in intensity,  I believe I picked it up just because Nakamura is on it.

Russell Haswell & PAIN JERK “Electroacoustic Sludge Dither Transformation Smear Grind Decomposition n0!se File Exchange Mega Edit” Editions Mego eMEGO 200CD, 2014

—-I don’t actually own this, for shame. I really need to get some money together and purchase it though, because it is legit one of the better cut up harsh recordings I’ve ever heard. Really quite phenomenal all the way throughout, but nothing less is to be expected from these renowned masters of outré sound territories.

Amyer Waad Deed Cholt / Henry Mallard “The Cold Weather Blues”  Pennsylvanian Hypnocenter, PHC084, CDr, 2016

—-Both parties lay the smackdown on this one, and both of them have been laying the smackdown for some time now. Very awesome harsh release.

J. Spaceman & Sun City Girls “Mister Lonely” Drag City DC360CD, 2008

—-This is something I picked up because it features Sun City Girls, a band I am trying to collect as many things as I can from that changes up their style all the time, often tracks on the same album are completely different from one another. This is a very beautiful release.

Zambian Kalindula Mix

—-Someone at some point told me to check out Zambian Kalindula music, as I wrote it down in my phone but didn’t write who told me to write it down. Thank you, whoever did that. I found it to be quite enjoyable celebratory-esque music.

Kirk Knuffke & Mike Pride “The Exterminating Angel” Not Two MW 842-2, CD, 2012

—-I ordered this from Mike Pride several years ago and recently picked it out of my storage unit for a revisit. It still rules. Very bad ass jazz duo recording.

Daunik Lazro + Claude Tchamitchian / Akosh Szelevényi + Didier Levallet / Guillaume Orti + Eric Chalan / Maurice Merle + Jean Bolcato “Orléans” Rectangle Rec-AB2, CD, 1999

—-I ordered this a few years ago from Quentin Rollet, who runs Rectangle, and what we have here is four different jazz duo recordings that are all quite phenomenal.

Én (Pál Tóth) & Q. (Quentin Rollet) & Ahad (Zsolt Sőrés) “Paw Music” Ronda rnd14, ReQords REQ-002, HEyeRMEarS/DISCORBIE HDCD 10, CD, 2010

—-This came in with the same order from Quentin Rollet mentioned above. This is one of the better electro-acoustic improvisation recordings I’ve ever heard, and seems to have a composed progression about it, though I could be mistaken.

Incapacitants “As Loud As Possible”

—-A classic in harsh territory.

Nurse With Wound “Lumb’s Sister” Jnana Records UJ2008, United Jnana, CD, 2014

—-This was something I picked up at Recycled Books, if I remember correctly, just because it’s by NWW, a band I try to collect things by, because they tend to be quality recordings, and this is actually one of my more favorite recordings I’ve heard from them. Quality creep territory.

The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

—-I finished this novel in a little under two weeks which is pretty damn fast for me. I could hardly put it down.  It’s hard to say exactly how it has impacted me, but the way Dostoyevsky seems to communicate philosophical ideals through the way characters interact with each other gave me a ton to think about. Very thought provoking and entertaining reading.

L’Orange & Mr. Lif “The Life and Death of Scenery” This album is free as Adult Swim here

—-and Adult Swim gives you an absolutely incredible hip-hop release dealing in political commentary from a future dystopia that doesn’t seem far fetched in my mind. Thanks AS. I’ve been listening to Mr. Lif for a long time. One of my favorite MCs. He delivers the goods on this one.

Zoltán Kodály, Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Neeme Järve “Háry János Suite, Peacock Variations, Dances of Galánta”

—-When it comes to more typical sounding classical music, Kodály has been a favorite of mine for years. I picked this CD up somewhere used, who knows how long ago, and each time I’ve listened to it I’ve enjoyed it.

Vultures Quartet with Schuyler Tsuda “Sui Generis” Zoharum ZOHAR 045-2, CD, 2013

—-I received this through an order I placed from the venerable Dr. Anthony Donovan, who also played a major role in the Classwar Karaoke series through which I found out about him and his work. This CD is fucking incredible. One of the better electro-acoustic recordings I’ve ever heard, and kind of hard to tell if they’re improvising or if it’s composed, maybe both? The sonic depth of this album keeps me coming back time and time again, and seems to put me in an outré state where sometimes I don’t even recognize the recording has ended, and when I go back I catch things I don’t remember from previous times.

Jason Lescalleet “This Is What I Do Vol. 5” Glistening Examples, TIWIDV5, CDr, 2015

—-I think I’m including works by Lescalleet in nearly every update on this blog. For good reason. He’s kind of one of the best. This recording is no exception.

Daughters “Hell Songs”

—-I wear my sickness like a wedding band.

Ween in general

—-My soul is brown. I love everything Ween has ever done. They have helped me through some very dark times. Including the last couple days. So, I mention them here. Very few bands have held such an important place in my heart for so many years. I really fucking hope they make new music one day, but if not, they have quite an impressive catalog and plenty of worthy b-sides and rarities worth searching the internet for.

The New Blockaders “Epater Les Bourgeois” Kubitsuri Tapes S;E;X59-032CD-R, 2009, originally released in 1985

—-I picked this up from the hidden closet of outré sounds found in the Arlington CD Warehouse because I was lucky enough to find it in there, and have started collecting as many things as I can from The New Blockaders. This one is unlike most of what I’ve heard from them. I wonder if this is one of the first ambient noise wall, or ANW, releases there is? It’s rather uneventful, but can be used for meditation very effectively, just pretty quiet white noise, good for reading or meditating. The video I shared above is actually a completely different recording using the same name. Not sure the story behind all of that, but it’s worth checking out too, and it more closely resembles most of what I am familiar with of their recordings.

The Cherry Point “Black Witchery” Troniks TRO-223, PACrec118, CD, 2006

—-This is something else I picked up in the back closet of CD Warehouse in Arlington, because I’m familiar with The Cherry Point being a name you can trust when it comes to harsh noise. And this CD fucking kicks ass.

Deathspell Omega “Paracletus” CD, 2010

—-Alright, so, here we have what I would call Metal-Done-Right. Not only are the members insanely talented players, but the lyrics really are very deep. I feel like I needed to pick this one up this week especially, I didn’t pick it up knowing that, it’s been a while since I listened to it, and I don’t think I ever really paid close attention to the lyrical content of this one until now. I am very glad that I did, and that I took the time to translate the stuff in languages I don’t understand. NO BACKWARDS STEPS.

My friend Kelly clowning around 🙂

—-I made a new friend. She reached out to me because of my “unhinged” instagram account, as she referred to it. Since I am including things in this blog and trying to move more in a focused direction of sharing that which makes me not hate existence so much, and this definitely lightened up my spirits during the rough time I’m having. Thank you Kelly!

February 3rd, 2017 (forgot to post this yesterday)

Howdy fellow readers, I hope you’re finding some joy amidst the chaos. My last batch of treatment in Waco has ended, and I have begun a new leg of treatment today, which is why I am posting this so late. I’m in Temple, TX, now, for what appears to be the next 6 months. The last treatment center I was at, went pretty into detail in regards to Cognitive Processing Therapy, and was more or less intensely focused on combat related traumas. This upcoming section here in Temple, will still focus on those traumas, but I will also be able to deal with working on other traumas in my life. Mainly, the suicide of my best friend, the sexual abuse I suffered as a teenager, and currently watching my dad die. There are more, but at this moment in time, these things and my military history are what plague my mind the majority of the time.

I keep getting asked by people if I am doing better. I mean. Not really. I guess in the way that I am being around other people, which is kind of not at all, that is better. For the most part, even during treatment, I remained fairly isolated. Lonely 10%, solitude the other 90%. I don’t ever want to be in a situation again where someone else is being brought down by how down I am. I don’t exactly think I will ever be all that up again. Who knows. When Happy Haultaine rolls around maybe I’ll quit noise, and make dance music in the Bahamas. I just don’t forsee ever being able to not detest this planet we are on, and almost everyone in it. I wish I was a cat. I should stop whining. I should give up and be just like most people and work some shit job, and pay my shit bills, rinse and repeat until I am dead; fucked up part is maybe that would feel better than wanting very deeply for things to change and feeling powerless, and hopeless most of the time.

My sister is pregnant with triplets. I hope the world becomes better before they get older.

I got to play my first show since the surprise show I played on 666mas on the 1st of February, with none other than some of my, if not my absolute most favorite people on the planet, Nick Cabrera and Nathan Golub as ASCITES. Some of my favorite people played in sets earlier that night. We were all put into states of mesmerization by Lily Taylor’s vocal stylings on top of Ernesto Montiel doing prepared guitar work, and Chris Holmes on percussion, and some other guitarist. That was tight. Then the touring acts blew us away, Chris Pitsiokos with Philip White, Chris screeching and scronking away while White used some custom built electronics, being triggered in some way through control voltage with MAXmsp, as well as Chris’ sax playing interacting with the electronics’ functions, to create an overall onslaught of sputter, squelch, and tonal insanity. I’m really fucking glad and honored to have shared a bill with them all. I built a new instrument for the ASCITES set, and got to thrash around with it, and I tried to start some fights with audience members but they only let me push them and didn’t do any pushing back. Oh well, we are supposed to play another set later this month in Tyler TX, and it’s possible that they will get more riled up for me. I want the Incapacitants worship that is our sound to incite a kind of controlled riot in the room, I want us all shoving each other around in psychosis even if for only five minutes. It’s a simple dream.

ANYWAYS, here are the things I am occupying free time with in order to not go out of my mind or leap from any bridges.

Musikautomatica ‘1983’ a CDr given to me by my friend Ernesto Montiel

—-I found the recordings on the CDr that Ernesto gave me to be quite phenomenal, even by todays “standards”, these recordings still give off an ‘otherworldy’ feel, a sense of being beyond being, ultra incredible stuff that is very weird, electroacoustic explorations.

Chris Pitsiokos & Philip White ‘Paroxysm’ Carrier Records, 2015

—-Basically, this is a great example of what these two can pull off live, I picked this up from them after seeing them on the 1st. Great quality recording. Listen above for yourself.

Keelhaul ‘II’ Hydra Head Records, 2000

—-“No matter how you look at it, it’s a 360º son of a bitch” This is one of those albums I return to year after year, if not sooner, and jam out to it like I was 15 again. It fucking rocks, hard. The lyrics I can understand hit me deep into my core, and only further the intensity of the metal-esque rock music that is actually quite singular. I know of no other metal album like this really, even the other Keelhaul albums, while still being awesome, just for some reason don’t do for me what this one does for me. It’s nostalgic for me too, so that could have something to do with it.

Bad Jazz ‘Bad Dreams In The Night’, Eh? subsection of Public Eyesore Records, 2015

—-On this album one hears the invented instruments of Bryan Day, some electronic toys, bells, and piano played by Tania Chen, and more invented instruments as well as feedback and percussion by Ben Solomon. Whatever weird subsect of AMM-ish worship this is, might be my favorite thing musically/sonically right now. Complete absence of melody, rhythm, most things a common folk may refer to as being ‘music’ just strange hallucinatory zones of unfamiliar timbres and alien communication, creating altogether a new music that very beyond simple descriptors.

Melt Banana ‘1998/13000 Miles At Light Velocity’ Tzadik Records, 1999

—-according to wikipedia: The album is not a conventional “live” album: it was not recorded at a concert, but live in the studio specially for John Zorn’s Tzadik Records during the band’s 1998 US tour. Many of the songs are being played in slightly different arrangements than the album versions. It is kind of a “best-of” release but with all the material re-recorded live in the studio. It also features their cover of The Beach Boys‘ “Surfin’ U.S.A.“.The album features an untitled hidden track just a few seconds after “Plot in a Pot”. This is a noisy instrumental jam with someone announcing all of Melt-Banana’s tour dates. The album begins in a similar way: before “Scratch Or Stitch”, the same person says: “Yea looks like we’re ready to go, yep here they come… yep here we go!” The photos and artwork were made by Ikue Mori. in my own words, this album fucking rules. I have a big soft spot for Melt Banana. One of my faves.

Pauline Oliveros ‘The Roots of The Moment’, hatOLOGY, Info, 2006

—-I can’t find an audio preview online for this, for shame. It’s really quite incredible. Oliveros’ accordion playing is accompanied by an interactive electronic environment created by Peter Ward, and it weaves in and out of different drones beating on each other, or swirling out and spiraling in, and never loses its mesmerizing touch throughout the entire recording.

Olivia Block & Greg Kelley ‘Resolution’ Erstwhile, 2011

—-If you like forward thinking, far out, electro acoustic experimentation at all, you need to add this to collection ASAP. It hardly ever gets better than this. Meta-Top-Notch.

Prurient ‘The History of Aids’ Armageddon LabelHospital Productions, 2002

—-I heard through the grapevine that this is Prurient’s best release. While, the only argument I have for that is that it doesn’t really make sense to compare or play the comparison game, as I have been in love with everything I have heard from Prurient for a while now, this album does rule hard. Very intense. Very texturally incredible.

Useless Prick (they have quite a few incredible releases for free on their bandcamp)

—-Henry Mallard turned me onto the work of Useless Prick, who also performs under the Waves Crashing Piano Chords moniker, and has a reputation for being one of the most intense harsh noise artists there is. The sounds found in this bandcamp can attest to these claims. Extremely bad ass harsh cut-up textural mayhem to be found there.

Steve Jansen ‘Bound Volume’ That’s Cool Records, 2016

—-I’ve come to be somewhat an acquaintance with Steve Jansen over the years, sharing several bills with him around DFW, chatting through emails. He’s a very humble sound artist that really churns out some of the more fascinating, quieter and more patient sound art, with tons of detail every second throughout.

Henry Kaiser / Damon Smith / Weasel Walter ‘Plane Crash Two’ New Atlantis Records Bandcamp, 2015

—-Not sure why, but I am unable to embed this album like I did the others, so the link to it is right above. 3 masters of improvising, come together for a little over an hours worth of bad ass shit. Check it.

Junko & Michel Henritzi ‘Behind The Door’ Blossoming Noise, 2015

—-This may be my favorite album of someone singing on top of pretty guitar music. I am sure that those who agree with me sit on a tiny island with me in regards to this opinion. Love ballads for true freaks.

Pentemple ‘O))) Presents’ Southern Lorn, 2008

—-Sick cover art by Justin Bartlett, and sounds of the unholy grail by Greg Anderson, Steven O’Malley, Oren Ambarchi, Attila Csihar, and Sin Nanna. Classick recording. Need I say more?

Merzbow ‘Pulse Demon’ Release Records, 1996

—-One of zbow’s most popular releases and for good reason. It is fucking amazing the entire way through, created by a master, one of the first noise releases I ever heard and I still come back to it year after year.

Hijokaidan ‘Modern’ 1989 & Hijokaidan ‘Romance’ 1990

—-Two classic harsh albums from some of the inventers of the genre. I find taking these in to be quite an exhilarating experience. The frequencies start to consume you, the clipping and battling of the frequencies starts to pull and disassemble your inner being reforming a new you by the time you find yourself naked lying in a ditch wondering how you got there.

Les Rallizes Denudés ‘Heavier Than A Death In The Family’

—-I saw the picture of this album come across my instagram feed and had to check it out because of the album title. I am very glad I decided to do that.

MV & EE with The Bummer Road ‘Mother of Thousands’ & MV & EE with The Golden Road ‘Foxgod In Flight’

—-I received both of these in the form of CDr’s from my best friend Junior Wayne. They are both very beautiful, psychedelic folk and noise statements that I know I will be revisiting often. He told me to check out everything I can by MV & EE and I definitely plan on it now.

Slackbeat CDr

—-This was also given to my Junior Wayne. I am friends with the members of this band and have had the pleasure to see them live numerous times, as well as share the stage with them a few times. Really fucking awesome, melting sounding rock music, where every drum bar is slightly different from the last, not enough to notice unless you pay really close attention, while the swirls of sound created by Sinevil and company pound out that fucked-rock aesthetic.

Incapacitants ‘No Progress’ 1994

—-I’ve been on a classic harsh kick if that isn’t obvious by now. Something about all these overbearing tones that never seem to end in the moment really gives me this “i’m okay right now” feeling that I don’t know any other way to explain.

Ramleh ‘Hole In The Heart’ 1987

—-Thus continues my explorations and revisits of classic harsher albums, this time more in guitar and synth territory, and at times even melodic lines come through. Beautiful recording.


—-I just recently discovered the work of Alex Ferris. He builds tons of amazing and unique instruments. In his own words: “I price all of my music at $0.00, but Bandcamp only allows a limited number of free downloads per month. If you see a price it means that the free downloads have been used up for the month. If I set a price lower than the $7.00 default, there won’t be any free downloads ever. If there are more sales there end up being more free downloads. I’m not trying to get anybody to spend money (I loathe capitalism and the comercialzation of everything, especially the arts). I make music, not product. If you end up buying something, at least you have enabled 2 other people to get something for free (which is a good thing). Or check back until it’s free again. Please feel free to duplicate and pass along.” I found quite a bit on soulseek and I have been enjoying it a lot.

Kenneth Gaburo ‘Five Works For Voices, Instruments, and Electronics’ Info, 2002

—-I was looking more into Spectral music, esp since I found out about the work of Iancu Dumitrescu and Ana Maria Avram a few years ago, and somewhere online I saw a list of ‘notable spectral composers’ and this name was on it, thus my notes on my phone told me so. I soulseeked some stuff and definitely need to start tracking more physical copies of this stuff down. I am not skilled enough in music theory to explain what sets this apart from other “experimental” sound explorations, but it just has this something, this pristine quality about it, that is also somehow unfuckwithable, just truly fantastic sound creations.

Dissecting Table ‘Ultimate Psychological Description II’ Dark Vinyl Records, 1993

—-This was something else Junior Wayne gave me recently. I have heard other DT work, but all I had heard were his more noisy ventures. This one took me by surprise in its industrial metal approach, but I rocked out hard to it and found it to be quite bad ass. Tatsuya Yoshida from Ruins is on the last two tracks, which is definitely the icing on the cake.

Peaking Lights ‘Clearvoyant’ 2008 & Imaginary Falcons’ 2009

—-I received both of these yet again from JW. Two very beautiful lo-fi angelic sounding recordings. Very calming, and serene. I loved them a lot.